


Bridges

by Othersideofdark



Category: Ragehappy - Fandom, Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF, mavin - Fandom, michaelxgavin
Genre: Abuse, Dreams, Emotional, Fluff, HARD, M/M, Mavin, Michael/Gavin - Freeform, Rage, Sad, Secrets, Smut, Violence, cuddly, explicit - Freeform, it gets serious, michaelxgavin - Freeform, tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-02-24 13:03:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 55,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2582390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Othersideofdark/pseuds/Othersideofdark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feelings are weird. How your chest tightens up everytime you see them, how you have to keep your stares away from anyone else seeing. It’s always a little scary, because going into a relationship you know, you know that you’ll either end up breaking up or getting married. That’s a big burden. Something that seems to shatter though when you make eye contact with each other. You forget that pressure. The pressure to be something good, something that will last and stick together forever.</p><p>--</p><p>Gavin looked down at Ryan as he knelt onto the couch, sliding down to a sitting position, brushing Michael’s legs. It felt like fire touching Michael, and seeing Michael sleeping, he just looked so peaceful. His body wrapped up in the blanket, his eyes moving every so often underneath his eyelids, lips slightly parted. Michael’s nose was perfect, dotted in freckles. Gavin knew it felt like Michael had broken him, he had hid something important from him and then lied to him about it. To his face. Yet Gavin was still so invested. Ryan moved Michael as gently as he could, pulling Michael’s body up to Gavin, Michael stirring in his sleep. His eyes flickered open, meeting Gavin’s in an instant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I haven't written in ages and it might be a little rough for a bit but it'll pan out eventually.
> 
> This is also being posted on othersideofdarkwrites.tumblr.com 
> 
> :)

“ _Gave you a minute_ ”

Feelings are weird. How your chest tightens up everytime you see them, how you have to keep your stares away from anyone else seeing. It’s always a little scary, because going into a relationship you know, you know that you’ll either end up breaking up or getting married. That’s a big burden. Something that seems to shatter though when you make eye contact with each other. You forget that pressure. The pressure to be something good, something that will last and stick together forever.

That’s what was happening to Gavin, all the time. He would sit in his corner of the room and try to keep his eyes to himself, keep them on the game, but when Michael was right there, he couldn’t. It started just as a glance, here or there throughout the day, then it turned into staring for five or six seconds, nibbling on his lip as he thought about Michael’s freckles dotted across his face, or Michael’s curly hair sticking out of his hat. He loved the way Michael looked sitting there enjoying what he was doing. Then Gavin would turn back to his out little world and try and focus on his work. That’s what he was here for, work.

What Gavin didn’t know was that Michael knew Gavin watched. He knew how to laugh or what to say to Gavin to make that faint blush poke out from Gavin’s tanned cheeks. He could feel Gavin’s stare burning into him, and when he started doing the same thing he knew he was slipping. He knew he secretly thought about running his hands through Gavin’s hair as they sat on the couch in Gavin’s living room, trailing kisses down Gavin’s jaw and neck, feeling his heartbeat through his lips and… wait. Michael nervously looked around for a second, relaxing when Ray was still wearing his headphones and Gavin’s mouth was slung open, immersed in whatever he was editing.

—

Five O’clock came and went far too fast, when Michael felt his headphones slipping from his ears, “Michael, you have to eat something.” Gavin bounced in his chair when he sat down, sliding a burger on Michaels desk, another in his other hand for himself. Michael blinked a few times before looking at the clock on his computer. The letters glowed back a steady seven-thirty two, which suddenly made Michael feel tired and sleepy. “Thank you,” he said to Gavin before picking up his burger and biting into it.

Sleepy Michael was Gavin’s favourite. He watched as Michael ate for the first time since lunch, seeming to discover that he was actually much more hungry than he had noticed. Gavin looked around the quiet office, mostly everyone had gone home now, only hearing the banter of people outside the office. He let his ears settle down to the sound of Michael taking another bite, when Gavin himself looked down at his food as he ate his own burger.

“I’m so tired,” Michael stated after his final bite, “I could sleep for three days right now.”

“Me too, my eyes hurt,” Gavin said in return, turning his chair back and forth, while finishing eating.

“Do you want to go home, or do you have to finish up first?” Michael asked Gavin as he watched Gavin rub his eyes.

“No, I can finish tomorrow, lets go home.”

Michael and Gavin had been travelling together ever since Michael realized that he might have stronger feelings for Gavin than for Lindsay, and decided that he would rather wait to be married than to rush his feelings and end up hurting Lindsay more than she deserved. It was a similar story for Gavin, dating Meg for only a short time, and feeling guilty for thinking about Michael more than her, until he had to let her go before he went insane. The good part was that both girls took the breakups without wanting to break a friendship, as well as the guys so all four of them could still talk.

It had started to gently rain when Michael pulled into Gavin’s driveway, and he watched the drops run down his window as he waited for Gavin to step out of the vehicle.

“Michael?” Gavin started, making Michael look over at Gavin who was playing with the hem of his shirt as he spoke.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to come in?” Gavin had been rolling the question around in his head for far too long, and it felt awkward as it came out, making his brain feel fuzzy. He couldn’t imagine Michael in his house.

“Um, yeah, if you want me to,” Michael said, trying to calm his heart that wouldn’t stop beating so fast.

“Okay,” was all that Gavin said as he opened the door and stood up, hearing the engine stop, left with his ringing ears that he couldn’t figure out if it was from him being tired or from his rush he got from inviting Michael in.

He fiddled with the lock and let the door open infront of him, smiling as he watched Michael walk into the foyer.


	2. Chapter 2

_“When you needed an hour_ ”

Gavin’s house was exactly how you would expect it to be. A little messy but neat enough to pull off ‘clean.’ Michael wandered around a bit on the lower level, drumming his fingers on the dark grey countertop in the kitchen to his left, admired the backyard from the sliding doors in the dining room that was attached to the kitchen, took a piss in the powder room in the hall, and then realized that he couldn’t hear Gavin anymore. He listened for any sort of shuffling noise, until Gavin came bounding down the stairs behind him, dressed in plaid pj pants, another pair in his hands. He swung around the end of the banister, almost colliding with Michael.

“Erm, I dunno, do you wanna wear a pair of my pj pants? Cause like, it would be more comfortable than…”

“Gav, don’t be so nervous, and yeah I’ll wear them, they are more comfortable than jeans.”

Michael smiled as he slid back into the powder room, leaving Gavin to stand in the hallway blushing, because he couldn’t help but feel nervous. He could barely stand sitting beside Michael at work but now he was in his house, alone. It made Gavin giddy, and seeing Michael in his pjs didn’t help. He smiled as Michael threw his jeans on the tile of the foyer, walking down the hall to the couch in the living room. Gavin watched Michael’s bum be more pronounced in the pjs, smirking a bit when he saw how the pants were way too long for Michael, bunching up around his ankles as he walked.

“Are you gunna stay in the hall or do you wanna watch something?” Michael said, causing Gavin to snap out of his little bubble, walking down the hall, pushing Michael onto the couch when he reached the other boy. Michael laughed as he sat up and shuffled over so Gavin could sit beside him. Gavin grabbed the remote and flicked on the television, scrolling through netflix until he found something suitable, then laid his head on a pillow from the couch, pulling his feet up under him. The couch felt good, and as he thought about it, it felt like Michael should always be there after work, and he wondered why it took him so long to ask Michael to come inside.

Gavin woke up when he felt something being placed on top of him, momentarily freaking out that someone had broken in when he heard Michaels soft voice.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” he heard Michael whisper as he placed a blanket from another chair over him. He sighed and placed his head back on the pillow. He faintly heard Michael in the kitchen, finding a glass and coming back with a water.

Michael smiled when he heard Gavin’s breathing get heavy for the second time that night. The boy had almost immediately fallen asleep when his head hit the pillow earlier that night. Michael wondered what Gavin looked like when he woke up in the morning. Did he have wicked bed head? Did he wake up running or did he wake up slowly? Michael bet his breath smelt like a dogs breath in the morning.

His eyes scanned Gavin as he took a sip of his water, watching him breathe in and out, seeing his eyes move behind his eyelids as he dreamed. Michael had turned the sound down on the tv ages ago, listening as Gavin’s breath hitched in his sleep, his body wiggling down onto the couch more, cuddling the pillow, feet running into Michaels thigh. Michael smiled and pulled Gavin’s feet up onto his lap, rubbing his fingers under the lip of Gavin’s ankle sock, watching as the corners of Gavin’s lips turned up a bit until his body went slack again into a deeper sleep. Gavin’s skin was soft under Michael’s fingers, warm and smooth like Michael had thought about before. Before Michael knew it, his own body was laying opposite to Gavin’s, his own feet jammed behind Gavin in the crevice of the couch. He was half cuddling a pillow and half cuddling Gavin’s feet as his eyes struggled to stay open, the glare of the tv too bright for him but his mind not wanting to turn it off still. The blanket covered both of them now, grasped in Gavin’s hand as he cuddled it.

Half an hour of Michael fighting off his sleep on the couch went by when he knew he better get up or he would fall asleep on the way back to his place. Gavin trying to roll over on the crowded couch was when Michael sat up, rubbing his eyes and looking at Gavin who was laying with his eyes open, arms hanging off the edge of the couch.

“Do you wanna go to bed?” Michael asked Gavin, watching as Gavin turned his head and shook a half asleep ‘yes’ to Michael.

“Okay, come on,” Michael said, squirming out of the couch and blanket, and Gavin that he was tangled up in. He stood up, taking a swig of his water before he took Gavin’s hand and pulled him up off the couch. He lead Gavin up the stairs before stopping at the top, not sure which bedroom Gavin slept in, until Gavin tugged his hand, passing him and pulling him to the back bedroom, which was the biggest. Gavin didn’t stop tugging on Michaels hand until he was partially under the covers, trying to pull Michael into bed with him.

“Hey, hey, we have work tomorrow and I have no clean clothes here, I can’t stay Gavin,” Michael finally said when Gavin tried pulling harder on him. Gavin groaned and pouted in response.

“But I want you to stay Michael,” he said. Michael sighed and pulled Gavin’s covers up to his shoulders, leaning down, brushing his lips against Gavin’s forehead.

“Tomorrows Friday, maybe I’ll stay the weekend?” Gavin shook his head ‘yes’ before smiling and snuggling in the covers.

“Okay, goodnight Gavin,” Michael said, getting a sleepy “mhmm” in response.

He wandered back downstairs, shutting off Gavin’s tv and putting his glass in his dishwasher. He got his keys, wallet and phone out of his jeans, leaving them on Gavin’s floor before walking out to his car in Gavin’s pjs. He sat in his car with his head on the steering wheel, smiling stupidly to himself, smushing his nose against the cold plastic before jamming the key in the ignition, staring up at which window was Gavin’s and driving off to his own house, that seemed a little too lonely all of a sudden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this got posted awkwardly, trying to get tumblr and ao3 on the same page. :)


	3. Chapter 3

_“Just to push it aside”_

Friday was weird. It was like holding in a secret that you wanted everyone to know about. Michael felt constantly distracted and was glad when the day ended half an hour earlier for everyone.

“Everyone’s been working overtime, go and enjoy your weekend kids,” Geoff said, standing up from his desk, stretching out his arms.

Gavin smiled at watching Michael packing up his work for the weekend, knowing that Michael had packed to stay at his all weekend already, his bag in the back of his car. He couldn’t help thinking that this might be the best weekend ever, considering he was going to spend it the whole time with Michael.

“You ready?” Michael said to Gavin, making Gavin stand up and nod his head, “Okay, let’s go,” Michael said with a smile on his face. Even if nothing happened between him and Gavin he still was happy to spend the weekend with his best friend.

The car ride felt far too long, and Gavin felt like he was going to start sweating when Michael finally made the turn into Gavin’s driveway. Michael cut the engine and looked over at Gavin, smiling as he reached over and brushed Gavin’s hair off his forehead, causing a pink glow to travel up Gavin’s neck. He got out of his car and started grabbing his bag while Gavin got out of the car and walked to his front door, unlocking it and turning on the light. It was finally the weekend and it felt good. Michael followed him in a minute later, dumping his bag on the foyer floor.

“Want a pizza for dinner?” Gavin asked Michael from the kitchen, rummaging through his drawer of food pamphlets.

“Sure, that’s cool,” Michael said as Gavin pulled out the one he was looking for.

“Okay, let me just call,” Gavin said, pulling out his phone.

Michael nodded and walked to the couch, flicking the tv onto something good. He smiled when he felt a pair of warm hands snake around onto his chest, a pair of lips pressing to the top of his head as Gavin hugged him from behind the couch. Gavin smiled against Michael’s head as Michael linked his fingers through Gavin’s, tugging for him to slide over the back of the couch, half landing in Michael’s lap, half on the couch.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Gavin said as Michael slid his hands onto Gavin’s lower back, linking his fingers together so that Gavin wouldn’t fall, while Gavin’s hands laid on Michael’s shoulders, his hands playing with the little curls at the nape of Michael’s neck.

“I’m glad you asked me in,” Michael said, a blush rising on his cheeks.

“I didn’t think we would end up cuddling so fast,” Gavin said, a silly smile laying on his lips, _those_ stupid lips Michael thought.

Michael laughed and pulled Gavin closer to him, squeezing his body as he rested his head on Gavin’s chest. He breathed in Gavin’s smell, his soft t-shirt rubbing on his face.

Gavin liked having Michael in his arms, not being able to keep a grin off his face as he trailed little kisses down Michael’s left temple and down his jaw, Michael letting his head drop on the back of the couch to let Gavin have more reach. He pulled his head up and grabbed Gavin’s lips in his, breathing in at the touch.

It felt like a rush, both boys closing their eyes and letting the touch be the only thing that mattered. Gavin breathed out, the stress of every little thing melting away, Michael’s hands on his back feeling like they were on fire, gently moving as Gavin moved his lips on Michael’s. He shifted on Michael’s lap, his arms wrapping around Michael’s neck fully now. It felt like they both wanted to be as close together as they possibly could be at that moment, everything resting on that moment.

Michael tilted his head forward, pulling his lips away from Gavin’s, but keeping their foreheads together. He bit his lip, drowning in what just happened. It felt like his head was spinning, the taste of Gavin all over his lips, and all he wanted was more. He was selfish, wanting Gavin to himself forever.

“Michael,” was all that Gavin had to say to make Michael almost pounce on him, pushing Gavin back onto the couch, their lips slamming together, Michael’s hands grabbing the sides of Gavin’s face, not letting him get away. Michael couldn’t hold himself back until Gavin moaned into Michael’s lips, unintentionally. That was when Michael felt himself unravelling all together, having to sit up because he was afraid he was going to spew every single one of his emotions all over Gavin and the couch in a minute. He stared down at Gavin who’s lips were swollen, cheeks red, hair dishevelled.

“Gavin,” Michael said, “you make me crazy.”

“Michael, you’ve always been crazy, you’ve just kept it inside,” Gavin said, a smirk on his face as he laid under Michael. He grabbed Michaels sides at his ribs, causing Michael to start squirming, breathing in spurts as Gavin tickled him, the two boys switching positions on the couch as Michael tried to get away, laying back on the other end of the couch as Gavin sat up, stopping and pecking Michael on the lips, before standing up off the couch trailing a hand across Michael’s torso as the doorbell rang.

Michael didn’t get what just happened. He had too many emotions going all over the place all at once. All he could do was lay on the couch, with a stupid smile on his face, knowing he wouldn’t be able to reign in his emotions tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt write what i wanted to tonight?? writing is weird.  
> also was having a heated discussion with someone about rt being acquired by fullscreen while i was writing this so im sorry if its kinda fluffy and hasnt had any big changes yet. :/


	4. Chapter 4

_“Instead of leaving it behind you”_

“What is happening between us?” Michael said out loud, laying on the couch with his feet in Gavin’s lap, the pizza half eaten on the coffee table, The Hobbit, playing on the tv.

“I dunno, is it okay?” Gavin replied, instantly wondering if Michael was feeling uncomfortable.

“Yeah, it is, it’s more than okay.” Michael said, the feeling on Gavin’s hands trailing on his feet and ankles making him sleepy. “I just didn’t realize that I would be laying on your couch like were dating by the end of this week.”

“Me either, I didn’t even know if you would come in or if you would like something like whatever were doing when I asked you to come inside,” Gavin said.

“I knew you liked me more than just a friend Gav.”

“I know, but you’re better at hiding your emotions at work, I couldn’t even say I know when you decided that you liked me,” Gavin said, the movie long forgotten.

Michael turned and faced Gavin, propping himself up on his elbows. “I broke up with Lindsay because I knew I spent more time thinking about you than her, so it’s been a while now I guess. I know I was risking burning a bridge but I couldn’t hold onto knowing that she wasn’t the only one I thought about. I would have been lying to her all her life if I took her in marriage, and I just couldn’t do that to her. I tried suppressing the feelings but I couldn’t, even if you never invited me in or anything I would want to be alone forever than lying to someone.”

Gavin looked at Michael as he talked, “I know what you mean, I asked out Meg hoping that it would fade, but it was the same for me. I couldn’t pull her through a relationship when I had someone else on my mind.”

Michael watched as Gavin rubbed his eyes and lent forward, resting his elbows on his knees, head down in his hands.

“Hey, it’s okay, don’t get worked up over it. You were just trying to do what was right,” Michael said.

“Do you think they’ll figure it out when we have to tell everyone? This isn’t going to be able to be a secret forever.” Gavin said to Michael.

“I’m sure they’ll figure it out eventually, but don’t think so hard about it right now. We can keep it between us for a couple weeks before we have to say anything, no rushing. Come here, settle down,” Michael said, seeing Gavin’s anxiety pushing through. Michael pulled him down onto his chest, threading his fingers through Gavin’s hair, until he felt him relax.

Nothing about this was going to be easy, not one step in the public eye would be easy, ever.

—

“I’m sleepy Michael,” Gavin said as the credits rolled for the movie, “wanna go to bed?”

“Yeah,” Michael said as he let out a yawn, stretching as Gavin climbed off of him, taking the pizza box into the kitchen. Michael flicked the tv off and grabbed his bag from the foyer, following Gavin up the stairs to the same bedroom as before.

“Erm, do you wanna sleep together or…?” Michael asked awkwardly from the doorway.

“Why not?” Gavin said, pulling a pair of pj pants out of one of his drawers. “If you wanna brush your teeth and change you can use the bathroom, it’s cool.”

“Okay,” Michael said, that feeling of ‘this is a little weird’ not diminishing as he brushed his teeth in Gavin’s bathroom, his eyes wandering around the room. It was painted a light shade of blue, the toilet in the far corner, with a shower/bath combo on the same wall, the vanity spanning the opposite wall, with cupboards at the far end. It seemed most of Gavin’s stuff was in the drawers and cabinetry, since Michael couldn’t see that any of it was out. The tiles were grey, with white mats. Michael liked it.

He spit out his toothpaste and pulled out the same pair of pjs that Gavin had given him the night before, the navy and red plaid would forever remind him of that night. He walked out of the bathroom to see Gavin on his phone in bed, his hair already dishevelled from his pillow. Michael smiled as he placed his bag on the bench at the end of the bed, walking up to the side of the bed that Gavin wasn’t on. Gavin placed his phone upside down on the nightstand behind him before looking up at Michael.

“Come here,” Gavin said, pushing the covers down on the bed for Michael who was still trying to not feel weird. He slid onto the mattress, pulling the covers over his body as Gavin’s hands found his sides and pulled him closer. “It’s okay,” Gavin whispered, reaching to shut off the light, enveloping the room in darkness.

Michael breathed out into the darkness, letting his hands settle around Gavin’s neck as Gavin slid his hands under Michael’s shirt, sighing at the feeling under his fingers. Michael was warm and soft, and Gavin liked cuddling him because it calmed Michael down. He could feel Michael’s nerves settle down as the sheets got warmer, until he felt his breathing starting to get heavy, his fingers twitching as his dream took place.

Gavin let his own sleep take over eventually, his arms still in Michael’s t-shirt went slack, sliding out when Michael rolled over in the night. Gavin subconsciously moved back to Michael, tangling his legs with Michael’s. Gavin liked sleeping with Michael, Gavin liked Michael overall, and for this moment, was happy where he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm starting to settle into this fic, and it's starting to pan out in my head. A little bit of serious talk in this one, but relationships aren't just fluff sooooooo I think it's fine. :) 
> 
> Thanks for reading. :3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter gets graphic, this is why its an explicit fic, okay?? I just really wanted to write this and i hope no one thinks its too early, but it is implied that theyve been pining for each other for a really long time!!

_“If any word that I said”_

Gavin woke up to Michael laying towards him, Gavin’s arm above his head. Michael was still fast asleep, and in the morning light Gavin could pretty much count the freckles on his cheeks. Michael’s pink lips were slightly parted, eyelashes fanned out, his curls sticking up in every direction. Gavin could feel that their legs were tangled, the sheets a mess.

He laid and looked at Michael for what felt like forever until the sun hit Michael’s eyes making him stir. Gavin smiled as he rubbed his eyes, groaning and opening them.

“Good morning,” Gavin said, Michael blinking a couple times before smiling back at Gavin.

“Good morning,” Michael said, sighing and snuggling into Gavin, wrapping his arms around Gavin’s waist. Michael looked up at Gavin’s sleepy expression, cheeks pink, lips perfectly pout.

Michael stretched up and caught Gavin’s lips in his, Gavin’s hand slipping into Michael’s hair, slipping down to run his index finger down Michael’s jaw, breaking this kiss for a second while they made eye contact. Michael closed his eyes again, taking Gavin’s lips back to his, running his tongue along Gavin’s bottom lip. Gavin smiled into the kiss, opening his mouth so Michael could dip his tongue into Gavin’s mouth, pushing his tongue against Gavin’s. Gavin shifted their position, pushing Michael more onto his back, Gavin’s knee laying in-between Michael’s leg as Gavin ran his tongue across the roof of Michael’s mouth, sucking his top lip into his mouth, letting it bounce back into place as he pulled away. Michael let his head lay on the pillow, as Gavin trailed wet kisses down Michael’s neck, the feeling of Michael’s heartbeat radiating though Gavin’s lips. He pulled Michael’s collar down, sucking hard when he hit Michael’s collarbone, causing Michael’s eyes to shoot open at the pain.

He let out a moan and started squirming as Gavin raised the blood to the surface, Michael’s chest rising and falling rapidly. Gavin let the skin go, immediately placing a wet kiss on it. Gavin looked at the purple mark before letting Michael’s collar pop back up to his neck. He went back to Michael’s mouth, that was now pleasantly red and puffy.

Michael ran his hands down Gavin’s upper arms as Gavin worked on his mouth, which felt amazing. When Gavin bit Michael’s lower lip Michael ran his hands up into Gavin’s t-shirt, digging his nail’s into Gavin’s shoulders, causing Gavin to breath in sharply. Gavin somehow managed to be soft but rough at the same time, the tingling sensation on Michael’s chest still apparent from where Gavin’s hickey sat. Michael felt overwhelmed from just making out with Gavin, and he had no idea how he was going to get through actual sex with Gavin without exploding. Michael must have faltered as the thought crossed his mind, because Gavin picked his head up and looked down at Michael a second later.

“You just thought about it, didn’t you?” Gavin said.

“Thought about what Gav?”

“You just thought about what it’s gunna be like to have me screw you.”

“No I didn’t,” Michael said, trying to keep the grin off his face, as well as the embarrassment.

“Sure, sure,” Gavin said, a familiar smirk on is face. Michael covered his eyes while a full on smile broke out on his face.

“Shut up!!” Michael almost yelled as Gavin started giggling, his lips ghosting over Michael’s neck while he laid his head on Michael’s chest.

“Michael, do you need some help?” Gavin said, as sweetly as he could, Michael’s hormones threatening to take over.

Michael knew he was already half-hard from making out with Gavin, and when Gavin slipped his hands under Michael’s shirt he knew that Gavin was going to mean about this. He knew that Gavin had noticed the growing pain in Michael’s abdomen, and couldn’t resist heightening it. Gavin continued wet kissing Michael’s neck when he abruptly pinched one of Michael’s nipples, Michael finally taking his arm off his eyes, sinking his fingers into Gavin’s hair, giving a firm tug. Michael couldn’t help liking the feeling of being dominated, even thought he was usually the dominate figure in bed.

He felt Gavin’s hands getting more curious as every minute passed, dipping just below the waistband of Michael’s pjs and boxers.

“Is it okay?” Gavin whispered, Michael nodding his head.

Gavin stopped kissing Michael’s neck and mouth as he slipped one hand into Michael’s pants. Michael’s heart was beating, both from nerves and from pleasure as Gavin wrapped his hand around Michael’s dick at first, reaching lower for his balls, finally running a few fingers down Michael’s buttcrack, causing Michael to jump a bit.

“Gav,” Michael said, causing Gavin to immediately stop and look up at Michael’s face.

“You okay?” Gavin said, worried he was pushing it too far.

“I, uh, I’ve never, umm, I,” Michael stammered.

“Oh,” Gavin said, figuring out that Michael had never been fingered. “It’s okay, I promise I’ll be gentle. I’ll take it as fast as your comfortable with, okay? You can trust me.”

Michael nodded as Gavin pulled his hand out, reaching over to his nightstand, pulling out a bottle of lube and a rubber glove. Michael watched as Gavin tossed them in easy reach, eyes a little wide.

“The glove is a little more slippery and comfortable at first, and no dick till your ready,” Gavin said, reorganizing a blanket over Michael while pushing the comforter back on the bed. “Is it okay if I?” Gavin said while pulling on Michael’s waistband a bit.

“Yeah, it’s fine, I trust you,” Michael said, “I know you’ll take care of me.”

Gavin crawled back to Michael’s lips, kissing him once more before settling himself in-between Michael’s legs.

“The safe word is ‘stop’ if it gets too much, okay?” Gavin said, making sure Michael shook his head before he pulled Michael’s pants and boxers down and off of Michael, tossing them on the end of the bed.

Michael lifted his hips as Gavin pulled them up, placing a pillow under Michael’s back for a better angle. Michael tried to calm himself down as he heard Gavin slipping on the rubber glove, jumping when a lubed hand touched the base of his dick.

“Sorry it’s cold,” Gavin said, pumping Michael a few times until he found a rhythm that Michael relaxed to. Little moans started escaping Michael’s mouth, when Gavin stopped.

“Legs up,” Gavin said, Michael propping his legs up on the mattress, even though they felt more wobbly than stable. A lubed up finger ran up Michael’s buttcrack, while Gavin’s other hand sat on Michael’s hip bone. Gavin gently slid his middle finger into Michael’s asshole, the pressure intense to Michael who tried to calculate the feeling. It was weird to put it lightly. Gavin pumped in and out slowly, pushing a little further each time. He got about half a finger in when the pain started for Michael.

“Slower,” he said to Gavin, who slowed his pace, pausing with his finger inside Michael each time for a few seconds. He added more lube when Michael started looking more uncomfortable, the feeling of dryness and friction was something Gavin was trying to spare for Michael. He worked his finger in further and further until it was all the way in. He held it in when he knew he was up to his knuckle, watching Michael’s face closely. He rubbed circles on Michael’s hip with his thumb, giving Michael the time to relax.

Michael’s mind felt like it was going to explode. Actually it felt like his asshole was going to explode. The pressure felt weird and painful, yet he desired it for some reason, the feeling pleasurable too. Michael tried to relax, his asshole clenching at random times, not used to having to control it was hard.

“Does it feel okay?” Gavin said.

“Yeah, move it a bit,” Michael said, half panting out the answer.

Gavin started gently moving his finger, pulsing it just a little bit, curving his last knuckle, searching for Michael’s prostate.

Suddenly Michael threw his head back and arched his back, moaning out loud into the bedroom. Gavin knew he hit it. He arched his finger in the same spot again, applying a little more pressure before. Michael felt his head rush, his dick twitching as Gavin stroked his prostate. The rush of pleasure mixed with the pressure and pain caused Michael to squirm and cry out, his voice surely echoing in the house and through the windows. Gavin tried to hold Michael’s hips down, gently laughing as Michael pushed his bum down, searching for the contact wanted as Gavin pumped his finger away from Michael’s prostate.

“Easy Michael,” Gavin said, repositioning himself on the mattress briefly before he moved his hand away from Michael’s hip and onto his dick instead. Michael was breathing heavy, gasping when Gavin hit his prostate for the third time while pumping his dick. Suddenly he was convulsing, his cum spilling out onto Gavin’s hand, arms, and just generally everywhere. His eyes rolled backwards and his back arched. Gavin stayed with him till he felt like jelly, his head jammed up into the headboard, heart pounding out of control.

“Oh my goodness,” Michael said when he felt like he could, Gavin already pulling out his finger, turing the glove inside out and tossing it in the garbage. He grabbed a wad of kleenex, wiping up Michael while Michael laid sprawled out like a cat in the sun. He felt soaked in sweat, and like all his limbs weighted about 500 pounds.

“Was it okay?” Gavin said, pulling the pillow out from Michael’s back.

“It hurt but I haven’t released like that in forever,” Michael said, finding the strength to prop himself up on his elbows. Gavin looked up and smiled at Michael, leaning up and catching Michael in a kiss.

“You owe me, you know.” Gavin said in a whisper, in Michael’s ear.

Michael giggled as he whispered back, “How about we met here tonight again?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little bit of serious, a little bit of smut. :) 
> 
> don't be afraid to comment, they're always welcome.

_“Could have made you forget”_

Michael would have been lying if he said his asshole didn’t hurt. He knew he was walking funny as him and Gavin walked into work on Monday morning. All Michael wanted to do was sit down and not get up for the whole day, just so nobody would say something to him about it. Gavin smirking beside him didn’t help either.

“Stop, you’re going to make it obvious!!” Michael tried not to scream at Gavin, considering that Gavin let him crash on his couch all day yesterday, bringing him whatever he wanted and watching countless movies with him. Michael felt exhausted after what Gavin did to him.

“I’m sorry, but you’re walking like you have a stick up your ass,” Gavin said.

“No, I had your finger up my ass, stupid,” Michael said back to Gavin, who just smiled at Michael instead of replying.

Michael internally groaned as he opened the door to the office, because everyone was already there and saying hello to the two boys. Michael tried to walk as normal as possible, feeling Geoff stare at him as he sat down. ‘Please don’t say anything, pleeeeeeeease,’ was all Michael could think before he had the courage to turn around.

“So what’s on the schedule for today?” Michael said to Geoff, who was squinting his eyes like he was trying to figure something out, yet he couldn’t. Instead he started rhyming off what they were doing today, the calendar in his hands.

—

The day came and went without a thought, and Michael’s butt was feeling a little better with a days work done. He felt like he was walking more normally, and no one had questioned him about anything, not that he had continued caring anyways.

The car ride home was quiet, Gavin gently closing his eyes as Michael drove. He listened to Michael hum along with the radio, until he opened his eyes to the front of his house.

“We’re home,” Michael said, “but I can’t stay tonight, but I’ll call you?”

“Yeah, okay,” Gavin said, feeling a little loneliness start in his chest. He looked down and fiddled with his hands in his lap, before Michael pulled his face up with a finger on his chin.

“No looking pouty allowed,” Michael said, pressing his lips to Gavin’s, smiling as he pulled away. “I’ll see you later.”

Gavin smiled, “Okay, love,” he said to Michael, letting his hand rub Michael’s as he got out of Michael’s car, little tingles radiating on Michael’s skin.

—

Gavin had eaten his way through the rest of the pizza, sprawled out on the couch watching mindless tv when his phone started buzzing. He smiled when the caller ID read, “Michael Jones.” He picked it up, uttering the usual, “hello,” through the receiver.

Michael was picking through his dinner as he called Gavin, feeling like he was calling a high school girlfriend, except that it wasn’t high school and it wasn’t a girl either. He listened to Gavin talk while he ate, the other boy talking about whatever crossed his mind.

“Do you ever wonder if you’ll find ‘the one?’” Gavin asked, making Michael frown as he thought about it.

“I dunno, maybe I’ve already met, ‘the one,’ or maybe I haven’t, I haven’t thought about it really,” Michael replied.

“I think I’ve might’ve met ‘the one’ for me,” Gavin said, making Michael roll his eyes and smile.

“Gavin, this is still new, don’t be silly.”

“Just because it’s new doesn’t mean that it can’t be true. It’s not like you know right away when you meet the one you want to be with forever. Of course it takes time, but I can still say that I think I’ve met the right person, it’s just what I think.” Gavin said to Michael.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Michael said, taking another bite of his spaghetti.

“Do you ever get lonely, Michael?” Gavin said, pulling on a string from the couch.

“Um, sometimes. When I first moved here I was lonely, but I didn’t really know anyone. Now I know all of the guys from the office and you, so, I don’t really anymore.” Michael replied.

“Yeah, sometimes I still miss back home, I just think about it and get lonely. I’m farthest away from my family out of everyone.”

Michael thought about what Gavin was saying, never really knowing that Gavin felt that way. He never seemed homesick but I guess when you live alone you can get that way.

“I know what you mean, sometimes I wonder what I would be doing if I had stayed in New Jersey and not moved here. I’d still have all my old friends but would I be truly happy? Probably not, I would have been working some low-paying job with people I probably wouldn’t have liked, and I wouldn’t have met people like you.” Michael heard nothing but silence for a second before Gavin started talking again.

“I guess if I was still at home I would still be bouncing between filming jobs, I’m glad I got to come here.” Gavin said, mushing the string back into the couch.

“Me too,” Michael said, picking up his plate and phone, jamming his plate into his dishwasher and crashing on his own couch.

“What are you watching?” Michael asked Gavin, flipping to the same channel when Gavin answered him.

Michael listened to Gavin talk through anything they watched, his accent easy to listen to, for hours, till it was dark outside and Gavin let out a yawn.

“Gav, you should go to bed,” Michael said, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

—

Sometimes it felt like weeks went by slowly, and other times it felt like they flew past. For Gavin, this one flew past, and before he knew it, Michael was coming over for another weekend and Gavin was giddy about it. He hadn’t stayed over all week, and Gavin just wanted a Michael cuddle more than anything. When the file he was rendering finally finished, he smiled and turned to Michael who had been done work for the past forty-five minutes, fiddling on his phone and computer.

“Okay, finally done, let’s go,” Gavin said, Michael smiling and picking up his work bag from the floor.

“Okay,” Michael said, standing up purposely close to Gavin, putting his hand under Gavin’s shirt, squeezing his hip.

Gavin faltered by the touch, his body uncontrollably pushing towards Michael.

“Michael, don’t do that,” he said with a frown.

“Do what? This?” Michael said as he trailed a finger across Gavin’s waistband.

“Oh my goodness, stop Michael,” Gavin said, pushing Michael’s hand away from his body. Michael smiled and started walking away, leaving Gavin to not look so flustered as he followed him out to his car.

“You can’t do that while were at work Michael!” Gavin said as soon as Michael’s door had shut. “People will know!”

Michael laughed at his friend, Gavin’s anger mixed with his blush making him more pink than Michael had ever seen him. “I was just teasing you, I still have to return the favour, remember?” Michael said, keeping his voice calm and steady as he talked to Gavin, who was being huffy on the other side of the car.

“Just, just not at work! It’s unfair at work.”

“Mhmm,” Michael said, looking over at Gavin who seemed to be fuming by his facial expression, but had his thumb rubbing the skin under his shirt where Michael had touched him. Michael rolled his eyes at the sight, knowing that Gavin was more turned on than he would ever admit. He stayed quiet until he pulled into Gavin’s driveway, smiling as Gavin stormed towards the front door while Michael got his bag out of the back of his car. He strolled through the door that Gavin left ajar, scanning the house for Gavin while he took his shoes off and dropped his bag on the floor.

He saw Gavin in the kitchen, standing so his back was facing Michael, but Michael knew that he couldn’t keep his hands off himself, he knew he would palm himself to get some sort of release and that he was just trying to hide the frustration by not facing Michael. So Michael kept teasing.

He walked up behind Gavin, who did have his hand palming himself through his jeans.

“That impatient, hmm?” Michael said as he put his hands around Gavin, pulling Gavin’s hand away, instead pushing his hand in-between Gavin’s boxers and jeans. It made Gavin groan and push back into Michael, his hands on the edge of the countertop to steady himself. Michael palmed him until he was breathing heavy and his dick was pressing against his jeans.

“Michael, I can’t here, not yet,” Gavin sputtered out, hearing Michael softly laugh and pull his hand away from Gavin.

“Okay, where to then?” Michael asked, watching as Gavin tried to catch his breath. He stood up after a moment, turning around and smashing a kiss on Michael’s mouth, scooping him up at the same time. He walked into the living room, putting Michael down on the couch, and then roughly rummaging through a drawer in his entertainment cabinet, pulling out a bottle of lube after some searching. He tossed it at Michael who couldn’t keep the grin off his face, even when Gavin walked up and straddled him.

“I’m gunna come all over you, love,” Gavin said, roughly kissing Michael who was sitting up on the couch, smiling while Gavin kissed him. He felt Michael’s hands undo his belt and the button of his jeans, pulling the zipper down and shimmying the material down. Gavin stood up and kicked them off the rest of the way, way too impatient at the moment to care where they ended up. He straddled Michael again, tugging at the bottom of his shirt, lifting it off when Michael put his hands up. He smiled as he saw the faint brushing that hadn’t gone away yet from the last hickey he gave to Michael. He attached his mouth to Michael’s right shoulder, pulling the blood to the skin again as Michael dug his nails into Gavin’s thighs from behind. Michael then pushed his hands up to the hem of Gavin’s shirt, tugging it up and making Gavin let go of his shoulder, that was now riddled in red and purple bruises. The t-shirt ruffled Gavin’s hair as it popped off, and Michael pulled on Gavin’s boxers as soon as the t-shirt was out of his hands. Gavin felt the rush of cold air as Michael pulled them down to his knees, his dick hanging away from him. Michael smiled and pulled Gavin’s hips up to his mouth, biting and sucking at the exposed skin. If Michael was going to be covered in bruises than so was Gavin.

Michael grabbed the bottle of lube and popped it open while he was still biting Gavin’s hip bone. He squirted some into his hand, wrapping it around Gavin’s dick. The contact made Gavin twitch, and he scooted closer to Michael on the couch. Michael wrapped his other arm around Gavin as he pulled away his mouth, instead guiding Gavin’s dick into it. He took as much as he could into his mouth, while he decided to be curious with his lubed hand, running it down Gavin’s butt crack.

“Mmmm, here,” Gavin muttered, helping Michael by guiding Michael’s finger and his own into his asshole. He jutted at the feeling, hitting the back of Michael’s throat with his dick, causing Michael to moan.

“Sorry, it just feels good,” Gavin breathed out, sinking his free hand into Michael’s hair to help control a little bit. He moved Michael’s finger inside of his ass to hit his prostate, pulling on Michael’s hair when he hit it.

“Right there,” He said, pulling his own finger out, “do two fingers, it’s okay.”

He felt Michael adjust his hand and slide two fingers inside of him, curling them to the same spot he had just been, at the same time he sucked on Gavin’s dick, starting to make a rhythm. Gavin held onto Michael’s hair and put his now free hand on the back of the couch. He was sandwiched in Michael, and it felt way too good to be true. Michael started to work him faster, until Gavin jerked and came in his mouth, Michael swallowing as much as he could, feeling Gavin drip out of his mouth onto his chest. Gavin’s hand felt like it was going to pull Michael’s hair out, to the point where the pain was making Michael dizzy. It wasn’t helping that he couldn’t breath properly and he started seeing stars when Gavin finished and let go of Michael’s hair, putting both hands on the back of the couch. Michael pulled his hand away and gasped for air as he let Gavin’s dick go.

Gavin let his head hang loose while he caught his breath, his body practically convulsing over Michael’s, who looked like he had just been tackled by a football player.

“You okay?” Gavin asked when Michael went cross-eyed for a second, leaning his head back on the couch.

“Yeah, I just, I couldn’t get enough air, for a second,” Michael panted, still trying to get his dizzy spell to go away. He felt Gavin get up off him, hopping to pull his boxers back up as he darted to the bathroom, returning with a cool cloth for Michael’s head.

“Here, just breathe,” Gavin said as he sat down beside Michael who had started sweating, but his breathing was returning to normal. “Just calm down,” Michael heard Gavin say as he pressed the cold cloth to Michael’s forehead, making sure that Michael wouldn’t pass out.

“Okay, I think I’m okay now,” Michael said a few minutes later, bringing his head up off the couch, looking at Gavin sitting beside him.

“Yeah? No more dizzies?” Gavin asked, Michael nodding his head, watching as Gavin took the cloth and wiped Michael’s chest and chin that were still wet from Gavin.

“You’re probably hungry too, which doesn’t help, I’ll get something for dinner,” Gavin said, standing up after placing a kiss on Michael’s cheek, tossing the wet cloth into the laundry room in the hall.

He mulled about what to have for dinner, when Michael wandered into the kitchen.

“Do you want something specific?” Gavin asked Michael, who threw Gavin’s jeans at him that he had picked up from the floor.

“Yeah, I’m gunna take you out, I’ve decided.” Michael said, making Gavin tilt his head to the side.

“You’re gunna take me out?”


	7. Chapter 7

_“I'd have given you them all”_

“Yeah, I’m gunna take you out, it’ll be fun. Put on a shirt and we’ll go,” Michael said, crawling back into his slightly wrinkled t-shirt.

Gavin shifted his weight back and forth, until he realized that Michael was serious and he really needed to find his shirt. He found it on the living room floor, pulling it over his head as Michael walked out of the bathroom.

“Good to go?” Michael said.

“Uh, yeah,” Gavin said, searching for the energy to actually go out. He had just come into Michael’s mouth, and now Michael wanted to go out. Gavin rubbed his eyes as he wandered into his shoes, locking the door behind him as Michael waited for him on the front porch. Michael smiled at him, turning towards the car.

Michael drove until he found the place he wanted, a little diner that sat on the edge of the river. He almost had to pull Gavin inside.

“Did I really take that much out of you?” Michael said, smiling up at Gavin at the same time.

“Nooooooo, I’m just sleepy,” Gavin replied, ruffling his hair in the reflection of the front door.

Michael kept smiling as he asked for a window seat, sliding in on the far side as Gavin slid in on the opposite side. Gavin admired the view of the river as Michael stared at him, properly, without feeling guilty or like he had to watch his back. Gavin was such a fool but Michael couldn’t resist his tanned skin, that was always flawless, along with his scruffy beard and fluffy hair. Michael kept his eyes on Gavin as Gavin looked at him, his lips slightly parted as he looked over. Michael reached over the table and linked his fingers with Gavin’s, rubbing his thumb on Gavin’s hand.

“I like it when I stay over,” Michael said.

“Me too,” Gavin said.

—

Michael liked where him and Gavin were, and were going, but when he practically walked into Geoff at lunch on Monday, he frowned.

“Oh hey Geoff, sorry, I almost walked into you,” Michael said.

“Yeah, if only that happened this weekend,” Geoff said, Michael not knowing what he meant. “You left your laptop here on Friday and I figured you would need it, but you weren’t home all weekend?”

Michael could feel himself start to sweat, his eyes darting around the room, noticing that almost everyone was off eating lunch.

“Um, yeah, I guess you just caught me when I was shopping or something,” Michael said, not wanting to spill his and Gavin’s secret.

“Both Saturday and Sunday?” Geoff said.

“Uh, yeah, I forgot some stuff.”

Geoff squinted his eyes at Michael, knowing he was lying. If Michael wasn’t lying he wouldn’t be looking so anxious.

“Mhmm, you sure about that?” Geoff said, “You looked like you were having trouble walking last week, you sure everything okay?”

“Uhm, yeah that was just, it was nothing,” Michael said, dropping eye contact because he was feeling more and more uncomfortable the longer the conversation lasted.

“Let’s sit and have lunch together,” Geoff said, walking over to Ray’s seat, waiting for Michael to sit in his own.

Michael knew he couldn’t wiggle his way out of sitting down, so he walked over and sat, popping the lid of his lunch that he had been holding in his hands.

“You seeing Gavin?” Geoff said, making Michael fumble with his fork.

“You are seeing Gavin!” Geoff practically shouted, causing Michael to jump and shush him quickly.

“Sheesh, be quiet Geoff, it’s only been about two weeks, we don’t want the whole office to know right away. Actually I shouldn’t even admit it because I don’t know if Gavin’s comfortable with people knowing it yet. You can’t tell anyone!!” Michael said, trying to keep his voice down.

Geoff smiled and did a little happy dance in his chair, “awwwww little Michael and little Gavvy spending the weekend together. How cute.”

Michael rolled his eyes and stared down at his lunch, picking at it instead of eating it.

“Don’t. Tell. A. Soul.” Michael said, getting up to eat his lunch somewhere that Geoff wouldn’t pester him about it, stewing along the way.

—

Michael was happy when Gavin passed him his third beer of the night, laying on Gavin’s couch watching him get his butt kicked on a Saturday night. Gavin picked up his controller and entered a new game as Michael put his feet in Gavin’s lap, smiling as Gavin was shot to death by someone behind him again.

“It’s just because I’m tired,” Gavin said, not taking his eyes off the screen.

Michael smiled at it, watching Gavin’s character move around the screen as he took a swig from his beer bottle.

“Ugh, never mind,” Gavin said as the match ended, exiting to his dashboard before laying down and snuggling Michael. Michael felt as Gavin’s fingers softly gripped his sides, a sigh escaping Gavin’s nose. Michael stroked the top of Gavin’s head with his hand that wasn’t occupied by his beer, Gavin felt nice on his body.

“I’m still nervous for when we have to tell other people about us,” Gavin said, slightly sitting up, crossing his arms on Michael’s chest, placing his chin on his arms.

“Yeah, it’ll be okay,” Michael said, the fact that Geoff already knew in the back of his mind.

“You sure? What if it isn’t, what if they make fun of us Michael?” Gavin said, which made Michael sigh this time.

“It doesn’t matter what other people think Gav, it’ll still be me and you even if someone doesn’t like it.”

“I dunno how no one has said anything yet,” Gavin let out of his mouth, his thoughts just rolling around. If Michael could down his whole beer in this moment he would, but he couldn’t. That would give everything away.

“Yeah, me either,” was what Michael said instead, afraid to know what Gavin would say if he found out that Geoff already knows.

“If someone tried to bring it up you’d tell me right?” Gavin said, and now was when Michael could feel himself start to sweat.

“Yeah, of course,” Michael said, “wanna go to bed? It’s late and I’m sleepy.”

“Mhmm, me too,” Gavin said, and Michael felt the bad feeling of regret start to sink into his stomach, the rest of the beer now unappetizing to him. How could he lie to Gavin, just because he was scared of how Gavin would react? Now he’s made it ten times worse for himself. Ten points for Michael, he thought.

Gavin lifted himself off of Michael, wandering upstairs while Michael switched off the tv and followed him to bed. The problem though, was that when Michael climbed into bed he didn’t want to cuddle, well that’s what Gavin thought, as Michael just let Gavin wrap around him, not really reciprocating the action. Gavin frowned as he squeezed Michael’s hand, but Michael didn’t squeeze back. Michael always squeezed back.

Maybe Michael was just really tired, Gavin thought, trying to push away the self-doubt he was creating, trying to tell himself that everything was okay. Michael would never keep something from him. Right?

—

Geoff was probing Michael again, this time standing at the coffee machine in the kitchen.

“So are you two ever going to say something?” Geoff said, leaning close to Michael’s ear, only so he could hear.

“Yeah, now shut up about it. We will when we want to,” Michael replied, half glaring at Geoff.

“Mhmmmm, okay,” Geoff said, turning and walking away.

Michael rolled his eyes and walked back into the office, sitting down at his chair as everyone else settled down for a recording session. The normal routine played out seconds later, and before Michael knew it he was laughing his butt off with everyone else.

“Oh my goodness, stop it Gavin!” Michael half screamed, running away from Gavin’s character in game.

“Oh oh, stop it Gavin,” Geoff imitated Michael, “stop playing with my bumhole!”

“Geoff!” Michael screamed for real this time, his head turning to face Geoff, giving him a dirty stare before turning back around.

“What Michael, sensitive subject?” Geoff said, Michael not daring to turn around. In fact, he didn’t even have the guts to reply. He just sat quietly, fuming in his chair until the recording finished.

“What even was that?!” Michael turned around to face Geoff, his controller skidding across his desk.

“What I was just having some fun with you, don’t worry about it,” Geoff said.

“Michael?” Gavin said, and Michael felt himself unrolling.

“Look, I’m sorry Gavin, I lied to you, Geoff already knows. He already figured it out and I didn’t know how to tell you, okay?” Michael blurted out, that hot feeling of tears rising in his throat. He knew that the entire room was staring at him and Gavin, and between that and the guilt of lying to Gavin on his chest, he had to get out, so he got up and walked out, walked right out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gasp gasp* 
> 
> if you wanna add me on the RT site my username is akwrdcupcake, I've had it for ages but just started using it. *feels super shy and awkward about it all*


	8. Chapter 8

_“But it was all in your head”_

Gavin didn’t know how to react. Gavin thought Michael would never lie to him, but he just admitted that he did.

“What was that?” He heard Ray say, too many thoughts rattling around in his brain all at once.

“Gavin and Michael have been seeing each other and haven’t told anyone, but I figured it out,” Geoff said. That made Gavin mad.

“Shut the fuck up, we would have told you when we were ready, but now all you’ve done is made Michael lie to me and run away, go fuck yourself,” Gavin said as he stood up and grabbed the door, flinging it open and storming out of the office.

Gavin didn’t know where to go, or what to say, or what to feel. He couldn’t figure out if he was more mad or more sad, or just lost in general. He had no idea where Michael went to, and that’s what made his eyes water, for real. He blinked, trying to look okay to everyone else in the company, checking for Michael in every spot he could think of. The bunk beds? No. The bathroom? No. Someone else office? No. That meant he went outside, and when Gavin opened the door to outside, he suddenly felt very small. He rarely opened the door to outside without Michael, and when he scanned the parking lot for Michael’s car and didn’t see it, that’s when he felt alone. Too alone to register Ray calling him, too alone to notice that a faint dusting of snow had fallen and that he was starting to shiver.

“Come on, I promise we’ll find him, it’s too cold without a jacket,” Gavin heard Ray say, walking up and putting the jacket that Gavin had shown up with over his shoulders. Ray gently tugged on Gavin’s arm, causing Gavin to look down at it. He looked up at Ray in the eye, and all Ray could see was panic and shock.

“He left, I know where we parked and he’s not there,” Gavin said, little pieces of himself falling and shattering on the pavement.

“I’m sure he just needed some time alone, please come back inside,” Ray said, pulling Gavin to make his feet move. He followed Ray back inside, glancing out the door one more time as it closed.

“Here,” Ray said as he passed Gavin a cup of tea, placing it on the table of the conference room he had brought Gavin to.

“Now, you don’t have to tell me any details or anything, but I know the last place you want to be is our office, and if you want to talk then you can, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to, okay?” Ray said to Gavin, who shook his head yes.

“I just want my Michael back where I know where he is.” Gavin said, drawing his finger around the edge of the cup.

“I’m sure he’ll come back, he probably just didn’t want to take out his emotions on anyone, we’ll find him, I promise.” Ray said.

But when Michael didn’t come back all day, and Ray drove Gavin home, it hurt. It hurt really bad, and the way that Michael didn’t return any of Gavin’s calls or texts, that’s what made him curl up into a little ball in his bed. In Michael and Gavin’s bed. Gavin didn’t cry often, but the little tears that stained his pillowcase were ones that hurt more than anything else.

—

When Gavin checked his phone the next morning, he frantically scrolled for anything from Michael. When all he got were bottomless messages from everyone but Michael, he tossed his phone aside, laying his head back on his pillow.

“Michael, why are you running from me?” He whispered out loud, staring at the stark-white ceiling.

Gavin didn’t even feel mad anymore, he had gotten over the fact that Michael lied to him somewhere in the loneliness. It was probably true, Michael just couldn’t find the right words, and Gavin didn’t even know what the right words would have been if Michael had said something. Sure he hated how everyone found out, and wished Geoff would have been more respectful, but it had happened anyways. It’s not like Michael is in control of Geoff.

Gavin closed his eyes as he tried not to mentally burn any bridges that didn’t need to be broken. He didn’t want to loose Michael and he didn’t want to loose Geoff as a friend either. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy to get past, but he had to.

—

Gavin hadn’t realized that he had fallen back asleep until he heard the faint sound of someone shoving the key into the front door, turning the lock and opening it quietly. It made Gavin sit up in bed, listening carefully for who it was. Only two people other than Gavin had a key, and in his grogginess Gavin couldn’t figure out who was coming up the stairs.

“Gavin?”

It was all it took to make Gavin burst out in tears, Michael running to the bed, climbing to Gavin as quickly as he could.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry, please, I’m so sorry,” Michael kept repeating as he held Gavin, his body jerking as he struggled to find air to breathe. “I’m so sorry, I’ll never leave again, I promise.”

“I thought you were gone,” Gavin said, taking in a few shaky breaths as he talked. He leaned away from Michael, looking him in the eye, Michael taking Gavin’s face in his hands, wiping his tears with his thumbs.

Gavin looked at Michael, his eyes looking dry and poofy from a combination of crying and not sleeping. His nose was red, looking like it had been blown about a thousand times in the past twenty four hours.

“I know, I know I did so much wrong, I’m so sorry Gavin,” Michael said, resting his head on Gavin’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around him. Gavin pulled him close, making fists in Michael’s shirt at the same time.

“You lied to me and then abandoned me Michael,” Gavin said, needing to know an answer.

“I know, and it was stupid. I don’t know why I just didn’t tell you, I couldn’t find any of the right words and then I couldn’t control any of my emotions and I ran away. I exploded, and I never wanted that to happen. I don’t know when the mix of my emotions went wrong, but it seemed they went wrong in all of the right ways to make me feel like I exploded emotionally. Sort of physically too, I guess,” Michael said.

“What do you mean?” Gavin said, looking Michael in the eyes again.

“Uh, my apartment got a little messy last night,” Michael said, drawing patterns on the comforter. He had torn the apartment apart, pulling all his clothes out of his closet and drawers, not caring what he knocked over as he threw them. All he knew was that there was broken glass on the floor somewhere, cutting the side of his foot open, pulling him to a halt in his rage finally.

“Oh,” Gavin replied, wanting to lay back down. “I’m not mad at you, you know.”

“You aren’t?” Michael said.

“No, I’d rather just look past it and still have you than burn a bridge and stay mad and not have you. It’s too lonely without you.” Gavin said, shrugging his shoulders as he talked. “Everyone makes mistakes and I’m sure I’ll make them too, so it’s unfair to push you out of my life.”

“Thank you,” Michael whispered just loud enough for Gavin to hear, his eyes cast down to the bed.

“Michael, don’t cry,” Gavin said as he heard Michael sniffle. “It’s going to be okay.”

Michael rolled his eyes as he pulled his head up, trying to sort out how Gavin could overlook this. He felt Gavin grab his hand, pulling him closer as he moved the sheets down on the bed, tucking Michael in with him as he laid down again.

“It’ll be okay,” Gavin said again as he trailed kisses down Michael’s forehead, down his nose and finally landing on Michael’s lips. It was a soft, ‘don’t worry, it is going to be okay and I’m still right here’ kiss, and that made Michael feel like a mushy couple, but it really did make him feel better. He craved Gavin, and spending a night upset without him was awful, and if Michael never left this bed again he wouldn’t. Not if it hurt Gavin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would have written more, but this felt like it sat right. 
> 
> if you wanna talk to me or anything you can find me in these places:
> 
> othersideofdarkwrites.tumblr.com or  
> roosterteeth.com/akwrdcupcake
> 
> :) 
> 
> also any questions welcome in the comments.


	9. Chapter 9

_“And we're burning all the bridges now”_

Gavin was stirred by someone making noise at the other side of the room. He reached in the bed for Michael, but when he felt nothing familiar beside him, he opened his eyes.

“What?” Gavin said as he sat up, frantically looking around at where he was. “Ray?”

Ray turned around from his closet slowly, looking at Gavin sitting up in his bed. Gavin was looking around at Ray’s bedroom, not knowing how he got here.

“Sorry, I really tried not to wake you but having a metal clothes rack is sorta noisy,” Ray said.

“But, I? I don’t remember, why am I here?” Gavin said, looking like he was panicking to Ray, “But I was at home, and Michael came home, I wasn’t here.” Gavin spoke softly but Ray could still hear him, watching as he tried to sort it out in his head.

“Gav, calm down, it was just a dream,” Ray said as Gavin started getting really worked up. Ray sat on the edge of the bed, putting one hand on Gavin’s leg that was under the covers.

“But he came home, he was with me and, but it was so real, I don’t remember coming here, why am I here?” It all spilled out of Gavin pretty quickly, but Ray kept up.

“Burnie and I brought you here so you wouldn’t be alone overnight, you fell asleep in the car, so Burnie carried you up here and you didn’t wake up till now. You were probably dreaming about Michael because you’re upset.” Ray said, Gavin trying to sort it all out.

“It felt so real, but it wasn’t, was it?” Gavin asked, fiddling with Ray’s comforter.

“I’m sorry, but you’ve been right here all along,” Ray said, rubbing his thumb on Gavin’s leg.

Gavin’s bottom lip trembled as he tried to hold in his tears, Michael felt so real in his dream but Gavin never had Michael back. Michael was still missing.

“It’s okay, we’re going to find him Gav, but I have to go to the office, okay? Tina’s gunna be in and out, but if you need anything you can ask her.” Ray said as he squeezed Gavin’s leg, shuffling up the bed closer to Gavin.

“We’re going to be okay,” Ray said, pulling Gavin’s chin up so he would look Ray in the eye. “Don’t fall apart on me.”

Gavin nodded his head as he slowly started pulling his emotions together. He knew Ray hadn’t slept much, his face showed that he was up until the early morning, probably running on three hours of sleep or so. That made Gavin feel better, because that meant that Ray wasn’t lying, he was dead serious about what he said, and that was comforting.

“I’m gunna go now,” Ray said as he stood up, sliding through his hangers pulling his clothes out, then disappearing into the rest of the apartment to get dressed. He checked on Gavin one last time before walking out of his apartment, locking the door behind him.

—

Ray stood still infront of the office door, sighing before opening up the door to Geoff, Ryan and Jack sitting and talking.

“Oh my God Ray, thank goodness, please tell me Gavin isn’t mad at me, I didn’t sleep all night, please tell me this will be okay,” Geoff said, in obvious hysterics, probably half from not sleeping and half from the pressure.

“Gavin passed out in the car and didn’t wake up till this morning. He dreamt that Michael came home and then almost had a panic attack when he realized Michael wasn’t there. I don’t think he’s even thinking about you right now, all he wants is Michael, so stop freaking out, we’re going to find him.” Ray said, somehow taking authority over everyone in the office. “Plus, you know Michael will have less kind words for you than Gavin ever will, so I would be worrying about Michael more than anyone if I were you.”

Geoff nodded as Ray talked, dramatically rubbing his eyes and forehead, while Ryan and Jack sat listening, fidgeting while they waited.

“Now Tina’s going to be in and out of my apartment today, and I’m fairly sure Gavin won’t leave without a car because he knows Michaels is fairly far from mine. And I can’t see him going anywhere else so, I say the first place to go is Michael’s, then we’ll go from there. Okay?” Ray said, each guy nodding his head.

“We’ll take two cars incase we want to split up, Geoff and Ray go in one, Ryan and I will go in another,” Jack said, with Ray agreeing.

“Okay, let’s go,” Ray said.

—

Michael’s eyes stung as the light from his window poured into his living room, waking him up.

“Uuuuuuuuugh,” Michael whined, adjusting on his couch that he slept on, “why did I drink so much.”

Michael rolled over onto his side, the wave of nausea hitting him hard as well as a pounding in his temples. He reached for his garbage can, throwing up violently, his eyes watering and dripping in with his vomit. He breathed heavy afterwards, rolling back onto the couch, squeezing his eyes shut tight, moaning at the same time.

“It didn’t even keep you from my dreams Gavin,” he whispered out loud, half laughing, “now I’m talking to myself. I’m going insane.”

Michael raised his head, scanning the room for his phone, instead finding an empty bottle of whiskey and about six empty beer bottles. The room was littered with his belongings as well, a lamp knocked to the floor was broken, the cutting board splintered into about three pieces when Michael threw it against the wall, the spot dented in. Michael sighed as he pushed himself to sit up, noticing that the sides of his hands were bruised, that’s how hard he had hit something, probably multiple things.

A knock on his door startled him, making him turn his head quickly, his world spinning as his headache drilled into him, causing his stomach to flip again, the vomit not being directed for a minute, spewing onto the carpet before Michael grabbed the garbage can again. He heard the doorknob turning, someone saying ‘oh’ when it opened, because in his rage Michael never locked it. Before Michael knew it, Ray was at his side, pulling his damp curls out of his face, holding the garbage can closer to Michael’s face for him. Michael shook as he finished, Ryan sitting beside him, wiping his face with a paper towel he must have grabbed from Michael’s kitchen. Michael tried to hold in his sobs, but when he took in a shaky breath and it came back out choked, he knew the tears were going to come. They did a second later, his eyes burning as a blanket was wrapped around him from behind, Ryan wrapping Michael up and pulling him on his lap like a child.

“Shhhh, Michael, shhhhhh, calm down, keep breathing,” Ryan was saying, softly rocking Michael back and forth. He could hear Geoff’s voice off in the distance, and Michael knew he was talking to either Burnie or Matt, telling them that they had found him, that little Michael was okay. In this moment Michael really did feel little, crushed by his own thoughts.

Ryan held Michael until he was calm again, almost drowsy in his arms. Michael’s head was pounding, and he was thankful when Jack passed Ryan an Advil, who looked down at Michael to open his mouth before popping the pill into his mouth, followed by a glass of water, Ryan tipping the water into his mouth for him. Michael rested his head on Ryan’s arm as he swallowed, wanting to stay wrapped up forever. He could hear the other boys around his apartment, cleaning up the vomit on his carpet, picking up half the stuff that was strewn across the floor and Michael could hear Jack talking about the wall to Geoff. Michael let his eyes close, waiting for the medication to kick in while Ryan held him.

Michael woke up to a less pounding headache, the four other boys watching tv quietly around him.

“Hey sleepy,” Ryan said as he felt Michael move, still wrapped up on his lap.

“Hi,” Michael croaked, his voice coarse from drinking and throwing up.

Everyone turned to look at Michael as he tried to sit up, Ryan supporting his fatigued body.

“You feeling a bit better?” Ray said, Michael nodding his head slightly.

“Thank you guys,” Michael said as he scanned the room, the carpet clean, and most of his stuff placed back where it belonged.

“Don’t thank us, it’s fine,” Ray said as he moved to Michael’s side, brushing his hands through his curls before smiling at Michael and moving away. Jack just smiled and nodded his head to Michael. Geoff was sat on the couch with Ryan and Michael, his head down in his hands. Michael reached out and grabbed Geoff’s arm, pulling him to look at Michael in the eye.

“Geoff, please,” Michael said, “it was just a mistake, you didn’t know it was that sensitive of a subject, please listen to me.”

Geoff looked up, the tears in his eyes tricking down his cheeks.

“This was all my fault, I don’t know what to say to you Michael, I was so worried. I’m so sorry,” Geoff said, barely containing himself.

Michael let Geoff’s arm go, curling his hands back into the blanket.

“Where’s Gavin?” Michael asked, looking around the room.

“He’s at mine,” Ray spoke up, “Tina’s gunna bring him when she’s done grocery shopping, okay?”

Michael nodded, his head sending a shooting pain through his temple when he was a little too fast with his nod. It made him cringe, and he felt Ryan pull him back into his arms, fixing his blanket at the same time.

“Just rest, we’re not going anywhere, we’re just going to stay right here and wait for Gavin.” Ryan said, holding Michael’s head to his chest. Michael closed his eyes as the room fell silent, the sound of the tv soothing the atmosphere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ryan daddy feels uuuuuuugh. 
> 
> This chapter was emotionally heavy, and it took me a while to sort out how I wanted to write it. Sorry for the delay. :)


	10. Chapter 10

“ _Watching them go up in flames”_

 

“Hey, sweetie,” Gavin could feel someone rubbing his arm gently, trying to pull him from his sleep. But sleep was the only place it wasn’t hurting at the moment, and he didn’t want to open his eyes. 

 

“Gavin, it’s time to wake up,” he heard Tina say quietly, almost swearing to herself as she tried not to feel awkward about waking someone she didn’t know particularly well. Gavin finally rolled over after a few more attempts, a frown on his face. 

 

“The boys found Michael at his apartment, Ray wants us to go there,” Tina said quietly, the words making Gavin’s heart beat loud and fast. He nodded his head as he sat up in bed, noticing that he somehow ended up in a pair of Ray’s pj pants, which were inevitably too short on him. 

 

“Don’t worry about the pants, I don’t think anyone will care,” Tina said, smiling as she exited the room. Gavin got up and followed her, his head feeling like it was swimming. 

 

It’s odd how after being in bed for even a little more than you’re used to can mess with your head. Or maybe it was just emotional with Gavin at the moment. He couldn’t figure it out but the car ride made him feel funny, and pulling up to Michael’s apartment complex didn’t calm the butterflies in his stomach. He walked up with Tina, who stayed quiet for the most part, leading the way still though. 

 

It had only been a short time since everybody had been apart, but everyone was still wrecked, and it felt weird, everyone together. There were too many feelings crashing in-between all of them, and Tina knocking quietly on Michael’s door felt like electricity jolts through Gavin. Jack pulled open the door, a finger to his lips, signalling to stay quiet. Tina walked in first, heading for Ray as Gavin slowly walked in. He saw Geoff moving off the couch, his eyes trailing up to Michael fast asleep in Ryan’s arms. Gavin felt cemented to the floor, his eyes burning as he stared at Michael sleeping. 

 

“It’s okay,” Jack said, pulling Gavin inside a bit more so that he could close the door, “he’s just a little hungover.” 

 

Gavin looked down and rubbed his feet on the floor, his hands stuck under his armpits. He wanted to cry but nothing would come. He didn’t know how to feel, he didn’t know who to trust and he didn’t like that everyone was looking at him. When he felt arms wrapping around him, it surprised him. 

 

Geoff was wrapping his arms around Gavin, holding him tightly, and to Gavin it felt like home. It felt like Dad was fixing it. He didn’t know how, but it was helping. Geoff let Gavin go, kneeing down to pull off Gavin’s shoes. He pulled one off and then the other, taking Gavin’s hand and pulling him to the couch. 

 

“You know you need him and he needs you, you’re home now,” Geoff whispered. 

 

Gavin looked down at Ryan as he knelt onto the couch, sliding down to a sitting position, brushing Michael’s legs. It felt like fire touching Michael, and seeing Michael sleeping, he just looked so peaceful. His body wrapped up in the blanket, his eyes moving every so often underneath his eyelids, lips slightly parted. Michael’s nose was perfect, dotted in freckles. Gavin knew it felt like Michael had broken him, he had hid something important from him and then lied to him about it. To his face. Yet Gavin was still so invested. Ryan moved Michael as gently as he could, pulling Michael’s body up to Gavin, Michael stirring in his sleep. His eyes flickered open, meeting Gavin’s in an instant. 

 

“Gavin,” he whispered, his hands poking out of the blanket he was wrapped in, grabbing onto Gavin, pulling himself to him. Gavin pulled Michael’s torso up onto his lap from Ryan’s, and he knew that Michael’s head was almost pounding. Gavin blinked away the tears that were forming as he looked at Michael’s hooded eyes. 

 

“It’s okay, I’m here now,” Gavin said as Michael tried to sit up more, but he shut his eyes tight as his hangover felt like it was splitting his head in two. Gavin took Michael’s hand off his shoulder, so that Michael couldn’t try and pull himself up anymore. 

 

The feeling of mending a broken relationship was always hard, it was awkward, and not many lasted, but having Michael in his arms felt like it was mending Gavin from the inside out. Michael rested his head on Gavin’s arm like he had with Ryan, trying to get his head to settle, but it just wouldn’t. 

 

“Michael, yours hands,” he heard Gavin whisper as Gavin looked at his bruised hands. 

 

“I made a mess, I don’t remember specifics, but I guess I hit too hard,” Michael said, hissing as Gavin touched the bruises, which had become much more sensitive since the morning. 

 

“Sorry love,” Gavin said, rearranging Michael’s blanket with Ryan’s help, tucking his hands back inside. 

 

“We’re such a screwed up office,” Ray said out loud, watching the interactions between Michael and Gavin. Gavin smiled down at Michael. 

 

“Screwed up family,” Geoff said, correcting Ray. 

 

“Yeah, definitely family,” Ryan said. 

 

“Does my family mind passing me another Advil?” Michael said, making Gavin smile. Michael never ever lost his humour, in any situation. Jack walked across the room to the kitchen, the sound of the Advil bottle shaking ringing in Michael’s ears. 

 

“Here, Michael,” Jack said as he walked up, Michael moving just enough for Jack to put the pill into his mouth, tipping the glass to his lips moments later. Michael cuddled back into Gavin afterwards, wanting to be as physically close as possible. He craved Gavin, the smell of his t-shirt soothing Michael. Before he knew it he was waking up to an empty apartment, except for Gavin who had his head back on the couch, with his eyes shut, but Michael knew he wasn’t sleeping. He knew because Gavin’s arm wasn’t loose under his head, and Gavin’s hand was gently tracing patterns on his shoulder. Michael moved his head to the side, squinting at the tv brightness. Michael felt Gavin bring his head up, his core moving against Michael’s side. Michael turned back to Gavin, looking up. 

 

“Hi,” Gavin said, a faint smile moving across his lips. 

 

“Hi,” Michael repeated, his head feeling a bit clearer now. 

 

Gavin pulled Michael up, kissing his forehead as he squeezed Michael in his arms. Michael pushed a hand out of his blanket, wrapping it around Gavin’s neck, pulling his to his lips, not pulling away as he felt a tear land on his cheek from Gavin. Instead he pushed himself up into a better sitting position, wrapping both his arms around Gavin’s neck, the blanket falling to his lap. He felt Gavin start to move his lips on his, finding a better angle. Michael slid his hands to the side of Gavin’s face, running his fingers under Gavin’s eyes, wiping away the salty tears that were dripping down onto their lips. Michael let himself pull away naturally, moving his kisses to the side of Gavin’s face, trailing them across his jawline. His head hit Gavin’s shoulder, and he brought it back upright to look at Gavin in the eye. 

 

“Don’t cry, we’re together now,” Michael said, seeing Gavin’s red, wet eyes, his skin slightly swollen and stained from the fallen tears. 

 

“Michael, you lied to me and ran away, you didn’t even search for me.” Gavin said, searching for somewhere safe inside Michael. “I dreamt you came looking for me, but you never actually did. I was alone.” 

 

Michael felt like he was trying to catch Gavin’s broken pieces while his own were being clattered onto the carpet. He hung his head as he searched for the right words, to find any words at all. 

 

“I need to know I can trust you,” Gavin said, filling Michael’s silence instead. “I don’t want to loose us, but I need you here. Please don’t run from me, please don’t hide from me. Please don’t break the bridge between you and I.” 

 

Michael blinked his eyes as his tears stung, looking up into Gavin’s eyes. They had become crystal clear, the green of them almost becoming grey. 

 

“I won’t.” It was all Michael could say before a tear rolled down his cheek, his nose sniffling. “You and I. Gavin and Michael. All of me and all of you. All the time.” 

 

Gavin nodded and then moved his head towards Michael, running his cheek along Michael’s before backing up, letting his eyelashes dance along Michael’s damp skin. Michael let his eyes fall shut, trying to hold in his tears for what felt like the thousandth time that day. His chest started shaking as he tried to pull himself together, Gavin’s gestures not making it easy. 

 

“Let go Michael, let it out,” Gavin whispered as he felt Michael start physically shaking. He pulled the blanket up over Michael’s shoulders, Michael’s tears dotting the fabric. 

 

“I’m so sorry,” Michael sobbed, his emotions breaking into tiny glass shards, tinkling down onto him and Gavin like rain. It felt like Michael’s world was going in slow motion, Gavin pulling them together, Michael’s tears staining Gavin’s shirt. “I’m selfish and stupid and I should have just told you, I didn’t want you to be mad but all I did was disappoint you. I don’t deserve someone like you,” Michael said. 

 

“Michael, you deserve everything in the whole world,” Gavin said, leaning back, wiping Michael’s face and hair. “Michael I love you.” 

 

Gavin didn’t know where it came from, because Gavin still felt cut up inside, but it felt right. Michael snapped his eyes to Gavin’s, and it felt like his entire world just exploded, everything around him halting in it’s tracks, falling to the ground like in a movie. Michael could have sworn that he watched the grey become over powered by the green of Gavin’s eyes, the colour seeping from his pupil to the edge of his irises. Michael sat just staring at Gavin for what felt like forever, until he found his voice somewhere in his head. 

 

“I love you too Gavin,” Michael said, barely whispering it. 

 

Michael heard Gavin breathe out, pulling Michael to him, smashing their faces together, solely flying on the butterflies in his stomach. Michael smiled against Gavin, which made Gavin smile too. 

 

“This is so weird,” Gavin said as he laid his head sideways on Michael’s shoulder, his eyes scanning Michael’s neck. 

 

“I think that’s an understatement,” Michael said, turning to look at Gavin, who sat up at the movement. 

 

Michael turned away as a yawn came over him, even though he had slept so much he still felt tired. 

 

“My sleepy little Michael,” Gavin said, pressing a kiss to Michael’s temple. “Here.”

 

Gavin moved Michael in his lap, making Michael face him as Gavin stood up, linking his hands together underneath Michael like a child. Michael held onto Gavin’s neck as he walked. 

 

“When did you get strong enough to pick me up?” Michael said, causing Gavin to shrug his shoulders. 

 

“I dunno,” Gavin said as he walked to Michael’s bedroom, laying Michael down on his bed when he got there. 

 

“Have you worn these this whole time?” Gavin said as he looked down at Michael who was still in his jeans. 

 

“Um, I guess so,” Michael replied, wiggling his legs back and forth on his covers. 

 

“Pjs?” Gavin asked, scanning the room to where Michael kept his clothes. 

 

“Top drawer on the right,” Michael said, pointing to the drawer on the opposite wall. Gavin pulled out a pair of pj pants and a t-shirt for Michael, as well as a pair of clean boxers. He walked back over to Michael, pulling the hem of his t-shirt up Michael’s torso. Michael put his hands up, letting the old t-shirt slide off head with ease. It was replaced with a clean one, Gavin undoing Michael’s belt first, followed by the button and fly on Michael’s jeans. 

 

“Up,” Gavin said to get Michael to lift his hips off the mattress, sliding the material down Michael’s thighs, pulling each pant leg off one at a time. 

 

“It’s okay?” Gavin asked about taking Michael’s boxers off, to which Michael nodded his head. 

 

“It’s not like you haven’t seen it yet, it’s fine,” Michael said, lifting his hips as Gavin said ‘okay’ more to himself than to Michael, sliding the fabric away from Michael. Michael watched as a blush crept up Gavin’s neck, his eyes focused on pulling up the clean pair of boxers. 

 

“Gav, you being serious?” Michael said. “You’re the person who can’t stop talking about your own dick but you get shy about mine, even though you’ve already seen it?” 

 

“I just, sorry, I’m just trying not to get turned on, you’re so thick,” Gavin said as he slid the clean boxers up Michael’s thighs. Michael smiled, lifting his hips up again. 

 

“Thanks,” he said, making Gavin bite his lip. 

 

“My goodness stop Michael,” Gavin said as he unfolded the pants, putting them on Michael one leg at a time before pulling them up to Michael’s hips. Michael smiled as Gavin moved his covers around, making Michael lay down so he could tuck him in. Michael looked out his window as Gavin tossed his dirty clothes in the hamper. 

 

“When did it start snowing?” Michael asked, Gavin stopping to look out the window himself. 

 

“I think yesterday, I remember the ground was lightly covered yesterday.” Gavin said, “Look how pretty it is.” 

 

The snow was falling silently to the ground, resting on Michael’s windowsill without even a whisper. Gavin watched for a while, and Michael watched Gavin. Yeah maybe he was sort of stupid to everyone else, but he was perfect to Michael. Michael felt at home as Gavin climbed in the bed beside him, pushing their lips together as the snow continued falling outside. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to too much Crywolf & Ianborg while writing this and now all I feel is emotional. 
> 
> Little fact: Even if you don't have an account on here you can still leave a kudos and comment, if you want to. :) 
> 
> Let me know if I'm doing a sufficient job or not for you guys. <3 
> 
> Also I'm looking for a better passage to put in the summary of this fic, so if you guys have any recommendations then leave the passage you think is good in the comments, and I'll try and figure out what to put down. It would be helpful, because I had no idea what to put when I first started this, but that's mainly what people see when scrolling through fics. :o So hard.


	11. Chapter 11

“ _No way to build them up again”_

 

Michael rolled over to Gavin fiddling on his phone, a lazy expression on his face as he tapped the screen, flicking through his twitter feed from what Michael could make out. Michael wiggled over to Gavin’s shoulder, putting his head on Gavin’s pillow to get closer. Gavin moved his attention from his phone to Michael, his hands tossing his phone on the comforter as his finger pushed the lock button on it. 

 

“How long have you been up?” Michael whispered. 

 

“I dunno, I couldn’t sleep,” Gavin said, adjusting to face Michael more, “so I just watched the snow fall and played around on my phone, I didn’t want to wake you.” 

 

Gavin pulled Michael’s torso closer, wrapping his legs in Michael’s. He pressed a gentle kiss to Michael’s lips, letting the feeling sink into his skin. 

 

“It snowed quite a bit didn’t it?” Michael said, lifting his head to look out the window, his lips tingling from Gavin kissing them. 

 

“Yeah, enough to cover the ground,” Gavin said, twisting his head to look out the window like Michael. 

 

Michael liked how easy it was when it was just Gavin and him. He looked down at Gavin in bed, his face looking a little drained of energy, his eyes tired. Yet they still had that little spark inside of them when Gavin turned and looked at Michael. Michael searched for the reasoning behind lying to the boy below him, and every line ended up in, ‘it was stupid, you should have been honest.’ Michael knew he broke a trust, snapped a support line on the bridge between them. Michael wondered if Gavin still being here in his bed was somehow a new beginning, signalling that he got a second try. Michael knew that even through all the alcohol in his system, he still heard Gavin inside his head the whole time they were apart. 

 

“Are you going to lay back down?” Gavin whispered when Michael seemed in a trance. Michael blinked, giving Gavin a lopsided smile before moving back under the covers to Gavin. He cuddled into Gavin’s chest, sighing as he got comfy. 

 

“Gavin, you’re phone is jabbing me in the thigh,” Michael said to Gavin, who let out a groan as he propped his upper body on one arm, searching the comforter for the phone. He pulled on the comforter after a minute of searching, the fabric going taught as the phone was jettisoned over Michael, bouncing off the mattress before tumbling to the floor. Gavin let his head fall to the pillow, huffing as he did so. Michael smiled as it happened. 

 

“Smartypants,” Michael said, pulling the comforter back to a cozy position. 

 

“Yeah yeah,” Gavin said, mushing his face into his pillow, a smile creeping onto his lips. He turned and looked at Michael, his curls becoming matted along the sides, but still flopping on top of his head. The white light from the window was glinting in Michael’s brown eyes, and Gavin could see all the colours inside of them. Michael closed his eyes, gripping onto Gavin’s shirt as he wiggled closer again. Gavin sunk his hands into Michael’s hair, holding him like he was precious cargo. He trailed his hands down Michael’s neck, pushing his thumbs into the muscles. 

 

“Ow,” Michael said as Gavin hit a sore spot, sending tingles up and down Michael’s arm from his shoulder. Gavin continued rubbing, the tips of his fingers moving not the back of Michael’s neck, up into his hair as his thumbs rubbed behind Michael’s ears. It made Michael go cross-eyed, his nose rubbing against Gavin’s shirt every time Gavin would push into his neck. Michael could feel himself start to drool as his eyes closed, Gavin moving just to Michael’s ears, the feeling being welcomed by Michael. Gavin’s hands were soft as he moved from the top of Michael’s ears to his earlobes, his thumbs pressing lightly as his other fingers stayed on the back of Michael’s ears. He moved his thumbs up to Michael’s hairline again, moving around the edge of Michael’s face. Michael jerked in Gavin’s hands as he started to snore, startling himself. Gavin smiled down at Michael, who had a lazy expression on his face, obviously relaxed. 

 

“I scared myself,” Michael said as he adjusted beside Gavin, laying more on his belly, tucking his hands underneath him, “you’re way too good at that.” 

 

“Yeah,” Gavin said as he slid his hands under the covers, pulling Michael’s t-shirt part way up his back, now pressing into Michael’s low back. Michael sighed, the feeling of Gavin’s warm hands on his back comforting. Michael shut his eyes again, lightly dreaming as Gavin hit all the right spots. Michael’s brain on the other hand, was mixing up the start of a nightmare for Michael, throwing little bits of himself running out of the office at him. He could feel himself slipping in and out of sleep, fidgeting under Gavin’s hands. 

 

“Shhhhh,” Gavin said as Michael moved again on the mattress, moving his hand to Michael’s face that had a frown on it. He trailed his hand through Michael’s hair, his thumb wiping across Michael’s cheekbone at the same time. “Relax Michael, it’s okay,” Gavin said as Michael opened his eyes, an almost pleading look on his face to Gavin. It made Gavin lean over Michael, wrapping him up in his arms, pulling him up into his lap. Michael curled around him, arms and legs around his torso as he knelt on the mattress. 

 

“I don’t wanna dream about it,” Michael mumbled, snuggling into Gavin’s shoulder. 

 

“I know, it’s just fresh, it’ll go away. I’ll be right here to make sure it goes away,” Gavin said, sliding his hands under the back of Michael’s t-shirt, not wanting to let go. 

 

Michael moved away after a minute, rubbing his eye as he did so. 

 

“Man I need a shower,” Michael said, pulling at a curl in the front of his hair. 

 

“Yeah, I kinda do too, I slept in Ray’s bed, gross.” Gavin said, knowing that his finer hair was probably really gross and greasy. He wrinkled his nose as he thought about how he probably had Ray germs all over him, and it made him shiver. 

 

“Ray’s a pretty clean guy, I’m sure you don’t have flea’s or anything,” Michael said, rolling his eyes as he knew Gavin was thinking about it. “Are those Ray’s pjs, by the way?” 

 

“Yeah, I’m afraid to know how I got into them, I fell asleep in Ray’s car and woke up in them,” Gavin said, looking down at the penguin pattern on the pants. He traced one with his finger, noting how they looked a little too friendly for some reason. 

 

“I don’t think I would ask, but I’m sure it’ll come up eventually,” Michael said, smiling as he knew he would have to wiggle his way onto _that_ podcast. No way he was missing that moment. 

 

Michael pressed his lips to Gavin’s before he slid off the mattress, stretching as he walked over to his drawer. 

 

“I guess you can just wear some of my stuff,” he said as he pulled out two pairs of everything, opting for track pants rather than jeans for the day. “They’ll probably be short, but they’ll be clean.” 

 

Michael saw Gavin shrug his shoulders at the situation, “I’d rather have Michael fleas than Ray fleas,” he said, making Michael laugh out loud. 

 

“I swear they’re both clean,” Michael said as he exited the room for the bathroom, listening to Gavin mumble to himself while his feet thumped on the hardwood in the bedroom. 

 

Michael was turning on the taps as he heard footsteps coming towards the door, Gavin walking in like nothing was going on. Michael knew what Gavin was going to do, and when he saw Gavin’s t-shirt hit the floor mat, it confirmed his suspicions that he wasn’t going to be showering alone today. Michael rubbed his face with his hand that wasn’t under the water, wondering how he got himself into this situation. ‘You said hello to him?’ came into Michael’s head as he stood up, looking to Gavin who was standing in his boxers drawing faces in the mirror that had steamed up. 

 

“My hairs not an afro, you know,” Michael said as he found one that looked like him and Gavin together, but Gavin had drawn Michael’s hair like it was a cloud on his head. 

 

“It’s pretty close now,” Gavin said as he turned around, Michael wiping a spot of mirror clean, laughing as he saw that his hair had grown in the steam of the shower. 

 

“I guess so,” Michael said, pulling his t-shirt off and climbing out of his pjs. “You’re coming in, I’m assuming,” he said as he pulled the curtain back, pulling his boxers off, leaving them on the floor as he stepped into the shower. 

 

Michael heard Gavin a moment later, his foot squeaking on the floor of the shower as he kicked his boxers away from him, shaking his foot as he did so. 

 

“Graceful,” Michael said as he stood under the water, turning around to face Gavin. 

 

“They wouldn’t let go,” Gavin said, stepping towards Michael to share the water. Gavin stuck his head in the way of the water stream, dripping it right into Michael’s face. 

 

“You’re a prick,” Michael said, poking Gavin’s bellybutton, making him jump as Michael reached for the shampoo. 

 

“That’s my bellybutton,” Gavin said, looking down at it. 

 

“I know,” Michael said, smiling up at Gavin who’s cheeks had gone red from the heat, his hair flat against his head. “Come here.” 

 

Gavin turned and looked at Michael, who grabbed his arm to pull him closer. Michael put a hand on Gavin’s shoulder, turning him around before pressing him down onto the floor of the shower. 

 

“Just kneel,” Michael said as he squirted some shampoo into his hand, running it through Gavin’s hair as he put the bottle on the ground. He rubbed it through Gavin’s hair, working it along his hairline and down the back of his head. He could feel Gavin’s head bobbing as he washed his hair, Gavin’s breathing filling the shower. 

 

“Close your eyes,” Michael said as he pulled the shower head down, running it through Gavin’s hair, rinsing out the soap. He put the shower head back, grabbing the shampoo bottle again as Gavin stood up, catching Michael in a kiss as Michael was spreading the shampoo through his own hair. Michael smiled as Gavin nibbled on his bottom lip a bit, moving away to get the body wash. Michael rinsed his hair as Gavin rubbed himself down with the frothy facecloth he had acquired. Gavin passed Michael the facecloth as he moved to the water, stepping out of the shower as Michael went to rinse off. Michael cut the water, shaking his hair out before pulling the curtain back for a towel. All he found was Gavin’s hand though, pulling him out of the shower, a towel in his hands ready to wrap Michael up in, Gavin’s own towel wrapped around his waist. Michael let Gavin rub him down, ruffing his hair in the towel after his body was dry. 

 

“Your hair is so curly,” Gavin said, “mine is so straight.” 

 

Michael smiled and let out a small laugh at the statement, the feeling of Gavin’s hands pulling on individual curls tickling his scalp. Michael pulled away, shaking his hair again, before pulling on his clothes. Gavin did the same, picking up the towels from the floor afterwards, hanging them on the curtain rod as Michael opened the door. 

 

“Food?” Michael said, walking into the kitchen. 

 

“Yeah, I’m hungry,” Gavin said, following Michael. 

 

“Sit down, I’ll make us something,” Michael said, Gavin saying, ‘okay,’ kissing him before he went to the couch and curled up, pulling the blanket from the day before over himself. He flicked on the tv, mindlessly watching it. Michael came to the couch with a plate of toast, two pieces each, peanut butter spread over them. He brought two cups of tea also, sitting down on the couch, pulling on the blanket to get Gavin to come closer. Gavin grabbed a piece of toast as he moved closer to Michael, hoping it would be like this forever. Even though he knew it wouldn’t. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like we needed something a little fluffy after two jammed chapters. Still bits of serious in here though, and theres still more to come. 
> 
> Also, I had to stop writing part way through to watch X-Ray and Vav and man I love it so so much. It's great. I've been so hyped for it since I heard about it during RTX, and everybody did such an amazing job on it, and Gavin and Ray are perfect. As well as the rest of them. 
> 
> One last thing, thank you guys for being so amazing and giving this over 40 kudos, were edging to 50! Absolutely crazy! Over the past two chapters theres been over 10 kudos given to me, and that means a lot. I'm really happy that you guys like it, I hope I can keep you guys happy all the way through. :)


	12. Chapter 12

_“_ _Now we're burning all the bridges now”_

 

Gavin laid in bed, the sound of Michael breathing heavily beside him. He could feel Michael’s hand draped over his stomach, the warmth raiding from Michael’s hand felt good on Gavin’s skin. Gavin knew it was late at night, Michael and him had gone to bed hours ago after spending the day infront of the tv, yet Gavin hadn’t slept at all yet. He couldn’t, it was like the night before where he stayed awake until the sun started rising, that was when he fell asleep, but even then it was only a couple of hours and Michael woke up far after he did. Gavin looked at Michael as he rolled in his sleep, his hand slipping off of Gavin. Gavin let his eyes trace along the contours of Michael’s face, soaking him in. Gavin watched as Michael breathed in and out, his chest falling and rising in a steady tempo. Gavin’s mind wouldn’t let him sleep, but he was glad that he could watch Michael get some sleep. Gavin sighed and looked up at the ceiling, _what is everyone going to say,_ his mind thought, making him shut his eyes hard, wanting the anxiety to go away. 

 

Gavin couldn’t stand being in bed anymore, quietly sliding out from under the covers, making sure Michael didn’t wake up as he stood in the doorway. His feet lighty padded across the carpet, his hand unlocking the balcony door, slipping his body out into the chilly air. He left the door ajar a bit, looking out at the street below. His eyes looked out to the old office, his hands on the railing. He sighed and looked down, water dripping from the balcony above, the snow from the previous night starting to melt, splashing onto his right hand slightly. It was still cold enough to make Gavin’s cheeks turn pink, his knuckles white as he gripped the railing tighter. _What will Geoff even say and how are we even going to pretend this never happened in videos?_ Gavin thought, his mind rattling. 

 

“Gavin?” He heard the door creak behind him, turning around to find Michael standing there, wrapped in the comforter. “Are you okay?” 

 

Gavin let his head fall, looking at his now damp socks, looking up at Michael after a minute. “Yeah, I’m fine,” Gavin said, a breeze giving him goosebumps. 

 

“Come back inside, it’s cold,” Michael said, reaching out and touching Gavin’s wrist, gently pulling him. Gavin complied, the air inside the apartment filling his lungs, making him want to run right back outside, right over the ledge of the balcony. Not because he wanted to leave the earth, but because the sound of Michael locking the door made his anxieties feel cramped and never ending. 

 

“Come here, I know somethings wrong,” Michael said, switching on the kitchen light to have some light in the apartment. Gavin watched as Michael walked up to him, one hand on the comforter, one hand reaching out and pulling Gavin to the couch. Michael got Gavin to sit on his lap, wrapping them both in the comforter. He nuzzled his nose against Gavin’s neck, pressing his lips against the cold skin next. 

 

“Tell me whats wrong,” Michael whispered, Gavin not responding to his kisses. 

 

“What are they going to say?” Gavin said, his head looking down. 

 

“Who? Everyone that we know? I don’t know what they’re going to say, Gav, but I’m sure they’ll be okay with it, or will have to learn to deal with it.” Michael said, running his hand up and down Gavin’s back. 

 

“But what are we going to say to Geoff, he’s already made fun of us.” 

 

“He was just being himself, you know how he is, I’m sure we can talk about it with him.” Gavin could feel Michael’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t bare looking at him. They’re were too many thoughts bouncing in his head. 

 

“Tell me Gav, tell me what’s going on in that mind,” Michael said, placing a hand on Gavin’s hair, running his fingers through it gently. 

 

“I feel so alone Michael, I don’t know what to feel anymore. It feels like everyone is just going to judge me, judge us, if they aren’t already.” Gavin said out loud. “What happens when it’s just me at work, I’m not as good without you, what will the internet say? What happens if they don’t want us anymore?” 

 

“Gav, it doesn’t matter. Even if we’re apart for a long time, even forever, always know, that you are mine and I am yours. No matter what anyone says, I’ll never let go of you. I know it’ll be hard, and I think we both know that words will be said, but we’ll get through it. I don’t care how much it takes for me to get you to look past it, but I’ll do anything to make you feel happy and comfortable, okay? And you’re not alone, not ever, as long as I’m here. I know I’m the biggest fuck up for what I did and that you feel like you can’t trust me, and I get that, but you have to trust me at least a little bit. I’ve known you as long as you’ve been here, you’re my best friend, so please, trust me at least for this.” Michael said, Gavin’s head still looking down. “Gavin?” 

 

Gavin nodded his head, trying to let himself lean on Michael, but he still wanted to lock his emotions up from him. He knew it was unfair to do that, but that was the feeling inside of him. 

 

“Gavin, please look at me,” Michael said, searching for Gavin’s eyes. Gavin looked up, Michael cupping his cheek, rubbing his thumb across it. “It’s going to all work out,” Michael said, knowing the purple under Gavin’s eyes was because he hadn’t been sleeping. 

 

“Would having Geoff and Griffon come over for dinner be better? So that we don’t have to talk about it at the office? It’ll just be work at the office then.” Michael suggested, Gavin not thinking of that. 

 

“Yeah maybe,” Gavin replied. He could feel some of his anxiety lifting off his chest, Michael’s hand tugging him gently into his shoulder, cuddling Gavin in the comforter. Gavin sniffed his nose, not getting relief from the congestion that had settled in. 

 

“If you’re getting sick I swear,” Michael said, leaving the threat open ended as Gavin yawned. Gavin felt Michael sigh, his head slightly nuzzling Gavin’s. 

 

“Let’s go back to bed,” Michael said, shifting for Gavin to get up. “Promise we can snuggle more there.” 

 

Gavin stood up, the warmth of the comforter leaving him, along with Michael, which made him feel like whining, but he didn’t because Michael looked tired, and if he was honest, he was tired too. So he followed Michael back to the bedroom, the kitchen light being switched off in the process. Gavin watched Michael flop onto the bed, wiggling in the comforter back to his pillow. 

 

“Come on,” Michael said, opening the comforter for Gavin to climb in. Gavin practically latched around Michael, sometimes he was so childish. All he wanted was comfort now, as Michael wrapped the comforter around his back, Gavin warming back up. 

 

— 

 

Gavin woke up half tangled in Michael and half tangled in the comforter, somehow sharing the same pillow with Michael, who was snoring softly beside him. He tried to move to rub his eye, finding that his arm was jammed under Michael’s arm, that was draped over Gavin’s back. Gavin spoke as quietly as he could. 

 

“Michael,” he whispered, causing the other boy to frown, followed by a snore. “Miiiichaaaael,” he dragged out, which caused Michael to frown and move in his sleep. 

 

“Shut up,” Michael said, his voice drowning in sleep. 

 

“I’m stuck,” Gavin said quietly, Michael moaning as he moved, Gavin’s arm being freed. 

 

“Now seriously shut up,” Michael said as Gavin rubbed his eye. “You actually woke me up to rub your eye?” 

 

“It was itchy,” Gavin said as Michael sighed, closing his eyes again. 

 

“Fuck you,” Michael mumbled to Gavin, who wrapped Michael up in his arms now, getting Michael to sleep by rubbing his hands in Michael’s hair. Gavin closed his eyes again too, passing out for another two hours, when he woke up to Michael moving in his arms. 

 

“Okay, now I’m stuck,” Michael said, making Gavin smile. 

 

“Sorry,” Gavin said back, letting Michael stretch his arms up out of the comforter. 

 

“You okay?” Michael said, Gavin seeing a quizzical look on Michael’s face. 

 

“Yeah?” Gavin said, “Why?” 

 

“You look super pale, and tired,” Michael said, propping himself up on his elbow. Gavin shrugged his shoulders at Michael, who was still looking at him. 

 

“I’m just making sure because you sounded congested last night,” Michael said as he placed his hand on Gavin’s forehead. “You’re not hot but we’ll just stay in today.” 

 

“Okay,” Gavin replied, because the longer he was awake the more he actually felt drained of energy. He sat up in bed, and that’s when he actually felt it, the congestion had never left at all. He looked at Michael, who raised his eyebrows at him. 

 

“Maybe you’re right,” Gavin said, which caused Michael to sit up all the way. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Michael asked. 

 

“I’m really congested,” Gavin said, craving to lay back down. 

 

“Yeah? Just stay in here then, here, take the blanket, I’ll grab breakfast. Lay back down,” Michael said, gently pushing Gavin back to the pillow, covering him with the comforter. 

 

Michael came back with breakfast, but Gavin had curled up and passed out, his body taking over the will to stay awake to fight away the cold instead. 

 

—

 

Michael was half asleep on the couch, watching tv, basically being a vegetable. He frowned when he kept hearing Gavin shuffle in the bedroom, getting up to check on him after he heard him move for the fifth time. 

 

Gavin was trying to sleep, he still had his eyes closed, yet he had sprawled out across the bed, tangled in the comforter and pillows, one leg sticking out of out the blanket, the pant leg of his pjs pushed up to his knee. Michael kneeled onto the bed, placing his hand on Gavin’s forehead. Gavin stirred, trying to pull the comforter out from under Michael, opening his eyes when he couldn’t. 

 

“Hey,” Michael said, removing his hand. Gavin groaned, throwing his arm over his eyes. 

 

“What do you want?” Gavin said, tired and grumpy. 

 

“You were stirring, and you’re burning up, one second,” Michael said, getting off the bed, walking to the bathroom to get a thermometer. 

 

“Open up,” Michael said to Gavin, who had cuddled himself under the comforter, almost shivering. “Under your tongue, Gav,” Michael said, fighting to get the thermometer in the right spot. Gavin sucked on the plastic funny, and Michael sighed, he felt like he was dealing with a two year old. “Open your stupid mouth and put your tongue to the roof of your mouth,” Michael said as he pulled the thermometer out of Gavin’s mouth. Gavin complied a moment later, open mouthed to Michael, his tongue on the roof of his mouth. Michael put the thermometer back in Gavin’s mouth, holding it steady as Gavin shut his mouth around it. 

 

“No, don’t move,” Michael said as he pressed the button on the meter, feeling Gavin trying to suck on it and move it out from under his tongue again. Michael placed the palm of his hand that was holding the thermometer on Gavin’s chin, his other hand on Gavin’s forehead to keep Gavin from moving. The meter beeped thirty seconds later. 

 

“Michael I’m cold,” Gavin said as Michael read the thermometer. 

 

“That’s because you have a temperature of a hundred and two point one, Gavin, I’ll get you another blanket, okay?” Michael said, running his hand through Gavin’s sweaty hair before hopping off the bed. He washed his hands and the thermometer before grabbing another blanket from his linen closet, bringing it to Gavin in the bedroom. Gavin had pushed the comforter off himself by the time Michael got back though, his sweat starting to soak through his t-shirt. 

 

“I would give you something to break the fever, but it’s helping kill the cold, I know it sucks,” Michael said as he placed the blanket on the end of the bed, watching Gavin try and get comfortable. He hated how fast Gavin was getting run over by the cold, wishing he could take it all away from him, but he couldn’t. 

 

“We’ll watch the fever though, and when it gets too high then you can have something, okay? Just a little bit longer, you’ll be okay,” Michael said as Gavin shuddered, reaching for the comforter again. Michael pulled it up for him, unfolding the extra blanket, throwing it over the comforter. 

 

“Better?” Michael said, Gavin nodding his head. 

 

Michael let Gavin go back to sleep, waking him every half an hour to check his temperature, bringing his box of emergency cold medication when Gavin’s temperature rose past a hundred and three. 

 

“No,” Gavin said when Michael popped the pill out of the foil. 

 

“Gavin, you have to, you’ll get really sick if your temperature gets any higher. Seriously, you have to do this.” Michael climbed onto the mattress again, looking down at Gavin. 

 

“But I don’t know how, Michaaaeeel,” Gavin whined, so badly, that it made Michael cringe. 

 

“Gavin, it’s either this or the hospital, because you’re fever isn’t dropping on it’s own, so we have to do something.” Gavin sighed, another heat wave coming over him for what felt like the fiftieth time. He half sat up in bed, the energy to fight drained out of him. 

 

Michael turned behind him, grabbing the glass of water he had placed on the night table, putting it in Gavin’s hand. “Hold this, I’ll help you, I’ll put the pill as far back as I can in your mouth and then you drink, okay?” Michael said, Gavin nodding his head. Michael pulled Gavin more into his lap, propping his head in his arm. 

 

“Ready?” Michael said, waiting for Gavin to open his mouth. He did, and Michael pushed the pill to the back of Gavin’s throat, Gavin almost crawling backwards into the headboard, and he probably would have if Michael wasn’t holding him. 

 

“Water,” Michael said as he pulled his hand out of Gavin’s mouth, pushing the glass to Gavin’s mouth. Gavin breathed heavy as he drank, his eyes wide as he stopped squirming in Michael’s arms, legs pushing him into Michael. 

 

“Gone?” Michael asked, looking at Gavin who seemed to be paralyzed by what had happened. 

 

“Um, yeah,” Gavin said, starting to go floppy in Michael’s arms, sliding back down the bed. 

 

“Okay,” Michael said, gently rubbing Gavin’s temple with his thumb, his hand cupping Gavin’s cheek. He rocked Gavin back and forth quietly, pulling the covers up to his shoulders as Gavin shut his eyes. Michael listened as Gavin coughed into the comforter, praying that it was just congestion and that it wasn’t going to run Gavin over, settling into his chest. Michael could tell when the medication started to kick in half an hour later, Gavin’s body stopping all movement, the heat starting to dissipate from his body. Michael laid him down on his pillow, tucking the blankets in around Gavin’s shoulders, leaving to wash his hands and crash on the couch for the rest of the night. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gotta have at least one sick au part to every fic i write. i dunno, Michael taking care of Gavin is just too cute. 
> 
> thank you guys for so many kudos, and i cant believe were over 1000 hits. :o its absolutely wild to me. 
> 
> also, i had this weekend off and that's why theres a chapter today. itll probably be pretty rare for me to have time to write on the weekend, so its a little treat for you guys! 
> 
> othersideofdark.tumblr.com  
> othersideofdarkwrites.tumblr.com  
> roosterteeth.com/akwrdcupcake 
> 
> come talk to me! :)


	13. Chapter 13

“ _'Cause it was sink or swim and I went down, down, down”_

 

Michael slept on the couch, waking up whenever he heard a sound from the bedroom. He knew Gavin was awake when he sneezed in the early morning, Michael leaning forward and reading the time on the microwave. Three-thirty am, it glared back at him, Michael rolling back over until he sat up, hearing Gavin sniffle his nose in the bed. Michael went into the bedroom, kneeling on the edge of the bed as Gavin propped himself on his elbow. 

 

“My nose won’t clear,” Gavin whispered, barely seeing Michael in the dim light. 

 

“You’re medication probably wore off,” Michael said, feeling Gavin’s forehead to check that his fever hadn’t returned. Gavin heard Michael fumble for the package, his throat already feeling like it was closing off, even though he only felt settled when he took the medication last time. Michael sighed as he felt around the package, trying to pop a pill out in the dark. He eventually did, touching for the glass next. 

 

“Come on,” Michael said as Gavin took the glass from him, trying to cuddle into his chest when Michael moved closer. “Don’t try that.” 

 

Michael adjusted Gavin in his lap, once again sticking his hand into Gavin’s mouth, the pill as far back as it could go. Gavin gagged, his eyes watering as Michael took the glass and tipped it up to Gavin’s mouth. The rush of water pushed everything down, the pill ticking as it went, causing Gavin to have a coughing fit. He took the glass from Michael, drinking a little more to settle the consistent tickle in his throat. He sighed as everything settled, passing the glass back to Michael who put it on the nightstand. 

 

“Shhhh,” Michael was saying in the dark, little coughs returning to Gavin here and there. Michael laid Gavin back on the pillow, Gavin sitting up as a really bad tickle came up his throat, his chest heaving as he coughed. 

 

“Oh my Gooooood,” Gavin said, laying back down and rolling over so he was facing away from Michael, still coughing. 

 

“It’s okay, shhhh,” Michael said, his hand rubbing through Gavin’s hair, his thumb rubbing over Gavin’s temple as Gavin started to calm down. 

 

Michael slid off the bed as he heard Gavin start to breathe rhythmically. He went to the bathroom and washed his hands before laying back down on the couch, the smell of his hand soap drifting through the air. 

 

— 

 

Michael woke up sore from the couch, his shoulders in dire pain. 

 

“Haaaaaaaa,” he almost whimpered as he sat up, running his hands through his hair, the shoulder pain subsiding. It was dead quiet in the apartment, and Michael could see Gavin still asleep as he stood up and looked around the corner. Michael smiled, Gavin’s hair tousled, his mouth hanging open as his head teetered on the edge of his pillow. Michael looked back to the kitchen, flipping his phone over that was face down on the countertop, scrolling through the few messages he had. He figured he had to make the dreaded call, his heart beating and stomach flipping as he scrolled through his contacts, finding the name he wanted. 

 

“Michael?” 

 

“Hi Geoff,” Michael returned. 

 

“Hey. How’s it going?” Michael could hear the caution in Geoff’s voice, not knowing his boundaries anymore. 

 

“Um, well I guess first would be that Gavin and I kinda think it’s better if we talk about what happened out of the office, rather than during work. If that’s okay with you.” Michael said, the words feeling like they were marbles in his mouth. 

 

“Yeah, that’s cool.” Geoff said, “whenever is good for you two, I’ll be there.” 

 

“That’s the second part,” Michael said, his fingers on his free hand tracing the pattern in the countertop, “Gavin’s sick, like actually sick.” 

 

Michael didn’t know why it felt like it defeated him so much, saying that. Maybe it was because Gavin and him felt connected, and saying those words made Michael feel like one half of him was crumbling. Maybe it was suppose to feel this way? 

 

“Oh, really?” Geoff said, sounding taken aback, “you know what, I’ll stop in after work, you and I can talk and if Gavin’s up to it then he can join too. I’ll bring dinner, okay? Look after him, look after yourself, Michael.” 

 

Michael physically nodded, before rushing out an, ‘okay,’ to Geoff, who sighed on the other end before letting Michael go. Michael was now gripping the edge of the countertop, his eyes burning as they water. _For the love of God, get it together,_ Michael thought, tilting his head backwards and blinking his eyes before the tears were able to fall. He stood normally after a minute, taking in a breath before opening the cupboard, searching for breakfast. 

 

Michael sat on the couch, flicking through the morning news shows while munching on his toast, sighing as he dealt with some annoying news reporter on the television. He ate his toast in a little grumpier motion the more the news reporter talked, until his last bite when he decided on cartoons rather than the weather report. Michael stood up after watching for five minutes, putting his plate on the counter in the kitchen as he popped two more slices of bread into the toaster. He watched the tv from the kitchen smiling as the _Phineas and Ferb_ episode played out. He buttered the toast when it self-ejected, quietly walking into the bedroom. He went to the far side of the bed, watching Gavin sleep in the light of the window would forever be one of Michael’s favourite things. He ran his hand across Gavin’s face, silently waking him. 

 

“Hmmmm,” Gavin said, squinting his eyes as he opened them. 

 

“Heeeey,” Michael said, watching as Gavin laid still, soaking in Michael’s presence. Michael sat on the edge of the bed, reaching for the plate he had placed on the nightstand. 

 

“You gotta eat,” Michael whispered, tearing a piece of bread off, sighing as Gavin didn’t open his mouth as Michael prodded. 

 

“I’m not hungry,” Gavin said. 

 

“I know, but just a little bit, please?” Michael felt like he was begging, but was satisfied when Gavin opened his mouth, taking a bite of the bread. He sat up on his elbows as he chewed, reaching for more as he swallowed. Michael passed him the plate, subtlety shaking his head at the same time. _I knew you were hungry,_ Michael thought as he watched Gavin eat both pieces, laying back down when he was finished, the plate rising and falling on his tummy as he breathed. 

 

“How are you feeling?” Michael asked. 

 

“Drugged,” Gavin said, his voice gravelly, with the following cough sounding wet. Michael caught the plate as it slid on the covers as Gavin coughed, putting it off to the side where it wouldn’t fall. 

 

“Well you can sleep more now, if you want to,” Michael said, a hand on Gavin’s leg under the covers. 

 

“Mhmm,” Gavin said, and Michael already knew he was falling back asleep, taking the plate to the dishwasher before getting cleaned up in the bathroom. 

 

— 

 

Michael took the time in-between checking on Gavin to pick up the apartment a bit, even going to the extent of sweeping and mopping the bathroom and kitchen floors. He eventually flopped back on the couch, picking up his controller, trying to keep his screams inside of him, mumbling as he played, stopping as he heard Gavin start coughing. His footsteps were fast as he heard Gavin try and take in a shaky breath, the coughs coming too quickly for him to get air intake. 

 

“You’re alright, just cough it out, I’m right here,” Michael was saying as he climbed on the bed to Gavin, who immediately clung to Michael with one hand, his eyes watering as he tried to take in another rushed breath. Michael could feel the heat coming off of Gavin, panicking as he tried to catch his breath through the coughs. Michael heard Gavin’s body dislodge the congestion, Gavin relaxing as the coughing subsided. 

 

“It’s okay,” Michael said as he wiped the tears from Gavin’s cheeks. 

 

Michael could feel Gavin’s grip go tight on his t-shirt that he had clung onto as a knock ran out through the apartment. 

 

“Who’s that?” Gavin said, looking at Michael. 

 

“It’s just Geoff, I’ll be right back.” 

 

“What? You told him? But I’ve never missed a day because of being sick, Michael, no,” Gavin was saying, clinging onto Michael’s shirt as Michael tried to move away. 

 

“Gavin, you have to let go,” Michael said, trying to peel Gavin’s fingers from his shirt. 

 

“Michael,” Gavin said as Michael wiggled his fingers under Gavin’s, his shirt now stretched from Gavin’s pulling. Michael held up a finger as he left the room, telling Gavin to wait as he washed his hands and grabbed the door. 

 

“Sorry,” Michael said as his hands dripped still, “you can just come in, it doesn’t matter.” 

 

“You okay?” Geoff said, looking at how flustered Michael seemed to be. 

 

“Yeah, I was just held hostage by a grabby brit, that’s all,” Michael said as he wiped his hands on a tea towel, smiling at Geoff. He frowned at how weird his sentence sounded, “not in that way, though.” 

 

Geoff laughed, which sounded good in Michael’s ears, as Geoff took off his shoes and brought the bags he had with him to the counter in the kitchen. 

 

“Michaaaaael,” Geoff could hear Gavin half whispering from the bedroom, clearly unwarned about the situation, which was probably smart on Michael’s part. 

 

“Gavin, it’s an apartment, everyone can hear you,” Geoff said, catching Michael’s smiling eyes as Michael walked to the bedroom, hanging out in the doorway. 

 

“Gavin, chill out, it’s just Geoff. You lived with him for seven years, I’m sure he’s fine with anything you do,” Michael said. He knew Gavin was half panicky, half annoyed, so he moved to Gavin’s side. 

 

“You’re fine, it’s just a cold, it’s just Geoff,” Michael said, holding Gavin’s head in his hands, getting him to make eye contact. “It’s okay.” 

 

Michael planted a kiss on the top of Gavin’s head, letting him settle back down, walking back out to the kitchen, leaving the door half shut for Gavin’s sake. 

 

“So,” Geoff said, pulling out his groceries, Michael standing off to the side, “first, you’re not allowed to help so don’t ask, second, I want to apologize, correctly.” 

 

Michael let out a smile, “Okay, I want to too, but you can go first.” 

 

“I didn’t realize it was such a sensitive subject, and I should have, I should have been able to figure that out. I’m sorry that I tried to get it out of you, especially during work, that was wrong. Everyone finding out because it was forced from you two during a lets play is just all sorts of wrong, and I hope it doesn’t get in the way of our friendship, at work and outside of work.” Geoff had his hand on Michaels, looking Michael in the eye as he talked. Michael nodded his head, trying to process the words over his own head noise. 

 

“Thank you for that, and I’m sorry that I didn’t handle it properly, running out of the office was childish, I should act more grown up than that, I should have talked to you calmly instead. I think it was going to go down messy either way, but it didn’t have to end up with us so divided. I think I can speak both for myself and for Gavin that we want to still be friends, and still work together, so I think we all want to work together and continue on. I have a feeling it’ll be hard enough _with_ the office backing us in being together, I think Gavin’s pretty fearful about it.” Michael said, moving closer to Geoff to speak quieter at the end. Even though Michael had a dad that he could talk to anything about, Geoff was still his second father, plus he knew Gavin inside out. It felt good to talk it out with Geoff. 

 

“I can see that, Gavin likes being liked, and I’m sure a lot of people will think it’s cute and freak out about you two being together, but you know that there’s _always_ those people who point and laugh and make rude comments. If I were you, I would just always be there for Gavin for the first little while, he’s going to try and isolate himself, but you have to push yourself to always be there for him. He will get through it, and I know he loves you, for real. Don’t let it slip away when it seems like he doesn’t. Our office will always stand up for you two, it’s going to be good, I know it.” Geoff said, pulling Michael into a hug before pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I’m going to make dinner now.” 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was halfway through this last night when someone was really nice to me and gave me a sponsorship on the RT site, so I didn't finish this till today. Thank you to whoever did that for me, I'm not sure who it was, if they read this or not, but still, this community is the bestest. 
> 
> I can't decide if this should be considered filler or not, because of the end. Eh, whatever it is I hope you guys like it. :) 
> 
> othersideofdark.tumblr.com  
> othersideofdarkwrites.tumblr.com  
> roosterteeth.com/akwrdcupcake


	14. Chapter 14

_“And we're burning all the bridges”_

 

Michael and Geoff ate dinner, actually sitting at Michael’s table for once in his life. Geoff discussed and filled in the schedule for Michael, telling him it was fine for Gavin to be out. 

 

“It’ll all pan out,” Geoff said as Michael scanned the monthly calendar on the table. 

 

“Yeah, it all looks good,” Michael said as he stood up, picking up his plate as well as Geoff’s. “I hope you don’t mind, I’m just gunna see if Gavin will eat or not.” 

 

“It’s cool, doesn’t matter,” Geoff said, taking his drink to the couch. 

 

Michael took some of Geoff's dinner into the bedroom, Gavin touching the screen on his phone as he was awake in bed. 

 

“Hey, you hungry?” Michael said as Gavin looked at him. 

 

“Not really,” Gavin said, sitting up anyways when Michael sat on the bed beside him. 

 

“Well I brought you some dinner anyways, it’s good if you eat at least a little bit.” Michael spoke as he placed the plate on Gavin’s lap. Gavin rubbed his eye before picking up the fork and eating a little bit. 

 

“Still mad at you for bringing Geoff over,” Gavin said with a mouthful of food. 

 

“Yeah, I think I can deal with that,” Michael said, smiling as Gavin dropped the fork onto the plate. 

 

“I’m full,” Gavin said, putting his head back on the headboard, a thick cough coming from him. 

 

“Okay,” Michael said, taking the plate away and putting it on his lap. “I love you, you know.” 

 

Gavin looked over at Michael as he said it, Michael’s curls flopping in his face as he looked down. “I love you too, Michael.” 

 

A smile crept over Michael’s lips as he stood up off the bed, plate in hand. “I love you a lot.” Michael said as he turned to walk out of the bedroom, the door left ajar as he left Gavin alone again. 

 

Michael spent the rest of the night playing games with Geoff, until he went home and Michael checked on Gavin once more before hopping onto the couch for the night. 

 

— 

 

Michael sighed as the video he was editing once again failed to render. 

 

“Please, just do this,” Michael whispered, the sleep heavy on his shoulders at the end of the week. _It’s like I can taste the weekend but the video doesn’t want me to have it,_ Michael thought, watching the progress bar on the video slowly fill up. 

 

“Hey, you should get out of here, I’ll worry about this,” Geoff said to Michael as he sat down in Ray’s chair, looking at Michael. “It’s been a long week, don’t worry about it.” 

 

Michael lent back in his chair and rubbed his eyes under his glasses. 

 

“You sure about that?” He asked. 

 

“Yeah, seriously, I know you’re worn out, and I know who’s at home, you should go.” 

 

Michael looked at Geoff, smiling faintly to him as he drummed his fingers lightly on his desk. “Okay, but next time I’ll do it.” Michael said. 

 

“Yeah, we’ll see, have a good weekend.” Geoff said, a smile on his lips. 

 

Michael stood up, sliding his jacket onto his shoulders as he packed his stuff up for the weekend. It felt like the week had just been pushing on him constantly, everything being against him. He set his head on his steering wheel when he got in his car, closing his eyes for thirty seconds, relaxing in the quiet of his car. It was a long week, and having Gavin out sick was making Michael pine for him, for his bubbly, silly personality to come back. Michael missed him as he went to work and Gavin stayed home. 

 

The apartment was quiet as Michael opened the door, Gavin asleep on the couch where Michael had left him in the morning. Gavin took residence on the couch after about three days of being in bed, which made Michael feel like he should sleep on the floor, but he knew the bedroom was quiet and a little boring, so he didn’t mind Gavin being on the couch, watching tv all day. 

 

Michael smiled as the cartoons played out on mute, tucking Gavin’s shoulder back into the comforter that had slipped as Gavin slept. It caused Gavin to stir, the blanket raising to his mouth as he coughed, causing Michael to frown at the sound of it. _Fuck me,_ Michael thought, _that didn’t sound the same as before._ Michael moved to the bathroom as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, dialling as he closed the door part way. 

 

“Hey, everything okay?” Geoff said into the receiver. 

 

“Um, I don’t know, what does it sound like when someone has a chest infection and they cough?” Michael asked Geoff, the only person he felt would know. 

 

“Uhhhh, almost like a seal noise, his cough changed didn’t it?” Geoff said, already starting to stand up and find his keys. 

 

“Yeah, I just don’t know, it’s been over a week now.” Michael said. 

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be right there,” Geoff said, hanging up and leaving the office. 

 

Michael opened the door to see Gavin sitting up looking at him. 

 

“Hey,” Michael said, Gavin looking a little disoriented. 

 

“Michael my chest hurts,” Gavin said, Michael walking towards him, sliding his phone on the countertop. 

 

“I know, it’ll be okay, Geoff’s gunna come help,” Michael said, leaning on the back of the couch with his forearms. 

 

Geoff showed up fifteen minutes later, knocking on the door, Michael shouting that it was open. 

 

“Hey,” Geoff said as Michael bit into his make-shift dinner, Gavin wrapped up on the couch, a beanie shoved onto his head. 

 

“Hi,” Michael said, followed by Gavin saying the same thing. 

 

“Not doing so hot, hmm?” Geoff said, sitting on the couch as Gavin moved his feet out of the way. 

 

“Mmmm,” Gavin said, “my chest hurts now,” a cough rising in his throat, Geoff listening to it, looking at Michael behind him, raising his eyebrows. 

 

Michael watched as Geoff nodded his head, mouthing, ‘yeah it’s in his chest,’ to Michael silently. Michael looked at the floor and nodded his head back to Geoff. 

 

“I know you’re going to resist this, but I think it’s time to get that cough checked out Gavin.” Geoff said, Gavin looking at him with death in his eyes. 

 

“I don’t wanna go,” Gavin said, pulling the comforter up his body more. 

 

“Gavin, it’ll be easier if we just go and get it over with, then you’ll feel better.” Geoff said back to him. Gavin wouldn’t look him in the eye, frowning into the comforter. 

 

“Look, I’m going to call Griffon, let her know we’re going to the clinic, and then we’re going Gavin, no excuses, that cough will get worse.” Geoff said, standing up and pulling out his phone. Gavin looked to Michael, who held his hand up, gesturing for Gavin to come to him. 

 

“Let’s at least get you in clean clothes,” Michael said as Gavin got up and walked to Michael who went to the bedroom, pulling out clean clothes for Gavin. Gavin hastily grabbed them from Michael, storming to the bathroom, shutting the door with a little more force than usual to make a point. Michael rolled his eyes, praying that this would go easy for them at the clinic. 

 

Of course it wouldn’t, Michael couldn’t have a break. 

 

Gavin kept his attitude the whole drive, and Michael was glad Geoff was driving, because he wasn’t sure he would have been able to keep his emotions in check if he was driving. As soon as they reached the clinic though, Gavin’s demeanour changed, suddenly becoming a nervous puppy, which Michael knew were his real emotions. 

 

“You’re okay Gav,” Michael said as they waited in line, Gavin’s hand shaking a little bit as the nurse checked his heartbeat and blood pressure, followed by his temperature. Gavin made Michael promise to come in with him when he was called, not wanting to go in alone. 

 

“Yeah, I’ll come, it’s okay,” Michael tried to reassure him, Gavin biting his lip when he was called up. Michael followed him into the room, sitting in the chair placed in the corner, leaving Geoff in the waiting room. Michael was holding Gavin’s jacket, wishing he could ball it up like a pillow and fall asleep. 

 

“It’s cool if you sit on the bed,” Michael said as Gavin hugged himself as he stood, a worried expression on his face. He jumped onto the bed a second later, his legs not able to touch the floor anymore. 

 

“Michael I’m scared,” Gavin whispered, looking at Michael as he gently swung his legs. 

 

“It’ll be fine, I’m sure the doctors nice.” Michael said, trying to settle Gavin. The doctor came in a minute later. 

 

“So you have a bit off a cough eh?” he said, reading Gavin’s papers before standing up and walking to Gavin. 

 

“He’s had it for about a week, but it changed today, and he said his chest hurt earlier,” Michael said when Gavin didn’t answer. 

 

“Mmmm, I’m just going to have a listen, okay?” The doctor said as he put his stethoscope into his ears, reaching under Gavin’s shirt. Gavin flinched at the cold, breathing in and coughing when he was told. 

 

“Sounds like a bit of bronchitis, let’s just do a swab to see,” the doctor said, grabbing a pair of gloves and what looked like the longest q-tip ever. Michael couldn’t contain his smile, looking down at his lap as he waited for it. Gavin gagged as soon as the swab hit his throat, half choking. He shook his head as the doctor removed the swab, glaring at Michael at the same time. Michael mouthed, ‘I forgot,’ to Gavin, who looked back at the doctor. 

 

“I’m going to prescribe some antibiotics, it should clear up soon,” the doctor said. 

 

“Oh,” Michael said, piping up, “uh, he doesn’t do pills really, I don’t know if you can work around that.” 

 

The doctor stopped and thought for a minute before writing a different prescription. 

 

“We can do an inhaler, ever had one Gavin?” he asked, Gavin shaking his head, ‘no.’ 

 

“Okay, I’ll get a nurse to teach you, let me just grab one, here’s your prescription.” He said as he stood up and left, a nurse coming in a minute later. 

 

“Hi, I’m just going to show you how this works okay?” She said, holding a mock inhaler up, showing Gavin how the contraption worked, Michael making sure to listen as well, because he knew Gavin’s energy was fading, his attitude dissipating, his shoulders starting to slump as he sat on the bed. The nurse finished, patting Gavin’s knee before telling him they could go, walking out of the room with a smile. 

 

“Come on, lets go get Geoff,” Michael said as he stood, Gavin sliding off the bed. 

 

“You never told me about the swab thing.” Gavin said. 

 

“I honestly forgot, but it was funny when I remembered,” Michael said, holding Gavin’s jacket out for him. 

 

“Yeah, funny for you,” Gavin said as he took the jacket, sliding it on. 

 

Gavin ended up falling asleep in the back of the car as Michael picked up his prescription, waking him softly when they got home. 

 

“Hey, we’re home now,” Michael said, unfastening Gavin’s seatbelt for him. 

 

“Mmmm,” was all Gavin said, sliding out of the car. 

 

“Thanks for coming Geoff, apparently my long week hadn’t ended yet,” Michael said to Geoff. 

 

“Don’t worry about it, call me anytime something is wrong, you know I’ll do anything for my boys.” Geoff said, a smile on his face. “I hope you feel better Gavvy.” 

 

Geoff slipped back into his car, pulling away as Michael took Gavin back to the apartment, getting him into bed. 

 

“Let’s get some of these meds into you,” Michael said before Gavin could lay down and get settled. Michael pulled the inhaler out and popped off the cap, “do you want to do it, or me?” 

 

“I don’t care,” Gavin said, which basically meant that Michael should probably do it. 

 

“Okay, come here then,” Michael said, holding his one hand on the base of Gavin’s neck, putting the inhaler in his mouth. He counted to three before pressing the activator, Gavin breathing in at the same time, squinting his eyes and jerking backwards. 

 

“Hold it in, just like the nurse said,” Michael said as he counted to ten in his head, Gavin starting to squirm as he got to the end. 

 

“Okay, that’s it,” Michael said, Gavin going into a coughing fit as Michael rubbed his back. “Easy,” Michael said as Gavin coughed, breathing out slowly after a minute. 

 

“I really don’t know what’s worse, having your hand in my mouth or doing that,” Gavin said, pointing to the inhaler. 

 

“Well, it’ll help,” Michael said, placing the inhaler down, tucking Gavin into bed. “I love you, Gavvy-Goo,” Michael said as Gavin settled in. 

 

“I love you too, my little Michael,” Gavin said, smiling up at Michael. Michael smiled back, pressing a kiss to Gavin’s forehead before shutting off the light and leaving. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter and this one aren't my bestest writing ever. I don't know what's happened to me, it's just coming out wrong right now. 3: sorry about that.


	15. Chapter 15

 

_“Burning all the bridges now”_

 

Michael made sure the Gavin took his prescription throughout the weekend, hearing his congestion start to clear, his energy slowly returning. By the time Sunday night rolled around, Gavin had taken a shower and the comforter had been washed, clean sheets placed on the bed. Michael let Gavin lay in his lap, dosing as the Sunday night shows played out on the tv. Michael had his hand in Gavin’s hair, the fibres soft on his fingertips. The show ended, Michael yawning as he looked out at the dark window. 

 

“Will you sleep with me tonight?” Gavin said, Michael looking down to see Gavin looking up at him. 

 

“Yeah, I think I will,” Michael said, praying that Gavin wasn’t contagious anymore. “I think I would have gotten your cold by now if I was going to get it.” 

 

“Mmm, okay Michael,” Gavin said, snaking his arms around Michael’s waist, cuddling his face into Michael’s t-shirt. Gavin liked the way Michael smelt and felt, he was warm and soft and cuddly and Gavin wanted to live in a little fluffy Michael forever. 

 

“Want to go to bed now?” Michael asked, Gavin feeling Michael’s hand run through his hair like he had been doing all night. It made Gavin feel sleepy, it was like Michael’s hands were drugs and Gavin was far too addicted. 

 

“Yeah,” Gavin said, nodding his head as he spoke into Michael’s shirt. Michael let out a little laugh, Gavin feeling him move to get up. 

 

“Come on, lets go,” Michael said as Gavin sat up, Michael turning off the tv, pulling the blanket that was covering them off his legs. Gavin laid his head on Michael’s shoulder, feeling Michael wiggle out from under him. Gavin giggled as he fell to the couch, his sleepy mind making him giddy. He pulled himself up back to a sitting position, Michael rolling his eyes as Gavin smiled. 

 

“You’re so silly,” Michael said, Gavin following him to the bedroom, bounding into bed before Michael. Gavin slid under the covers, watching as Michael took off his glasses and slid in next to him, rolling onto his stomach. Michael reached across Gavin, picking up Gavin’s inhaler from the nightstand. 

 

“Come here stupid,” Michael said, smiling as Gavin made a face and wiggled under the covers as Michael placed the inhaler in his mouth. “What am I even going to do with you?” 

 

Gavin shrugged his shoulders before Michael counted down and the medication hit the back of his throat, his eyes shutting as Michael counted and Gavin held his breath. Gavin didn’t like the feeling of the medication inside of him, it felt weird and thick, like he was trying to hold fog inside of him. He breathed out slowly as Michael pulled the inhaler away, placing kisses down Gavin’s temple. 

 

“I love you Gavin,” Michael whispered into Gavin’s ear, like it was a secret between the two of them. It made Gavin’s eyes flutter, his heart jumping at the words still. 

 

“I love you too Michael,” Gavin said back, turning his head to look at Michael, “thank you for taking care of me.” 

 

“You don’t have to thank me,” Michael said, putting the inhaler back on Gavin’s nightstand, turning and reaching for the light on his own nightstand behind him. Michael moved back to Gavin’s ear as he turned back, “but you will have to pay me in fucks.” 

 

Gavin felt his eyes dilate at the words, taking in a breath as Michael cuddled into him, his curls ticking Gavin’s cheek. Gavin had no words, only a low heat in his abdomen as he tried to resist the hormone rush inside of him. Gavin moved onto his side, facing Michael in the dark. 

 

“Michael, how could you,” Gavin said as he wrapped his legs in with Michael’s, making sure to rub his now semi-hard dick on Michael’s thigh. 

 

Michael let out a breathy laugh, “that eager eh?” Michael said, “later Gavin, just sleep now.” 

 

Gavin could hear the sleep lacing Michael’s voice, his Jersey accent taking over the less Michael tried to pronounce his words correctly. Gavin felt Michael press his lips to his neck, one last goodnight being said before Michael started breathing heavy. Gavin made himself calm down, closing his eyes and listening to Michael’s rhythmic breathing had him asleep in no time. 

 

— 

 

Michael groaned as his alarm went off, fiddling with his phone in the dim light, smashing his face back into his pillow as the beeping stopped. Gavin moved beside him, rubbing his hand on Michael’s back, listening to Michael breath. 

 

“Michael, it’s time to get up,” Gavin said after Michael laid there for five minutes. 

 

“Shut up,” Michael said, with no hint of anger in his voice, which made Gavin smile. Gavin watched as Michael raised his head, turning to look at Gavin who was leaning up on his elbows. “You’re really annoying sometimes,” Michael said. 

 

“I love you too,” Gavin said with a smile, wrinkling up his nose at Michael. Michael rolled his eyes, pressing a kiss to Gavin’s cheek before rolling out of bed. Gavin watched as he stretched his arms up, his t-shirt raising on his back. Gavin could hear Michael in the kitchen, the tv being turned on to some news channel, _but he’ll probably watch cartoons before he leaves,_ Gavin thought, because that’s what Michael did. Gavin heard him do it every morning, the noises exactly the same. Gavin snuggled his pillow one last time before getting up himself, wandering into the kitchen with his inhaler in hand. Michael had marked the days on the calendar that Gavin would be on his inhaler, and Gavin scanned them as he held his breath, taking the medication. _Eleven more days,_ Gavin thought, his eyes watering at the sting in his chest. 

 

“It’s nice that you’re up early,” Michael said as Gavin pulled his inhaler away from his mouth, Gavin feeling Michael wrap his arms around his torso, smiling as he looked at Gavin. 

 

“Mmm, it’s nice to not feel sleepy all the time,” Gavin said, resting his arms around Michael’s neck as he pressed his lips around Michael’s face until Michael pushed him away. 

 

“Stop,” Michael giggled, “between your morning breath and the way the medication makes your breath smell, doing that is gross.” 

 

Gavin watched as Michael pulled his toast out of the toaster, moving to make his own breakfast afterwards. He sat down beside Michael on the couch with his bowl of cereal, crunching away on it. Halfway through eating it, he felt his energy drain, suddenly the thought of the rest of the cereal unappetizing. He sighed as he looked at it, playing with the floating Cheerios and his spoon. 

 

“You okay?” Michael asked him, snapping Gavin out of his trance. 

 

“Yeah,” was all he said, looking over at Michael. 

 

“It’s okay if you’re still tired, don’t worry about finishing it.” Michael said, reading Gavin’s thoughts. 

 

“All the Cheerios will be sad they don’t get to be eaten, it was like their only purpose in life.” Gavin said, looking back at his bowl. 

 

“It’s cereal Gav, I’m pretty sure they don’t have feelings,” Michael said in response, reaching out for the bowl. Gavin passed it to him, curling his legs up onto the couch, trying to convince himself he should work at some point. He picked himself up as he heard the dishwasher close, Michael looking to him. 

 

“Don’t try and convince me you’re okay to come to work Gavin,” Michael said right away, knowing that Gavin wanted to come even though his energy was waining. 

 

“But I have to, please it’s been a week, I can’t miss anymore, I promise I won’t go overboard.” Gavin said, making a pouty face at the end. Michael sighed, knowing that not having Gavin at work was messing up the schedule. Gavin watched as Michael weighed the options out. 

 

“Fine, you can come but you have to take it easy. I don’t want you getting sicker than you already are.” Michael said, Gavin smiling as he got up. “I’m gunna take a shower before we go, just throw on some track pants, I’m sure no one will care.” 

 

Michael grabbed his own clothes and hopped in the shower as Gavin got dressed and then laid on the couch till Michael was ready. 

 

“Okay, lets go,” Michael finally said as he picked up one of the blankets that was strewn on the floor, bringing it with him. Michael also had the rest of Gavin’s stuff in his bag, because he knew that Gavin didn’t pick any of it up, because he could barely pick himself up. 

 

The ride to work was quiet, Michael gently humming to the radio as he pulled in. The sound of morning ‘hellos’ showed that everyone was in a sort of quiet mood, but it picked up a little when everyone saw Gavin. 

 

“How ya feeling?” Ryan asked, Gavin shrugging his shoulders as he held the blanket that Michael brought to his chest. 

 

“I’m okay,” Gavin said, moving to his work corner, sitting down. 

 

“Well, we always have a couch you can crash on,” Ray said without looking away from his editing. 

 

Gavin let the blanket fall to his lap as he switched on his computer, scrolling through his emails, internally sighing. He felt his chair move under him then, Michael sliding him away from his desk. 

 

“Hey, if you’re not up to it, it’s cool, okay? Work can always wait, you first.” Michael said as he tucked the blanket across Gavin’s lap, pressing a kiss to his cheek afterwards. 

 

“Okay, I know that,” Gavin said, smiling at Michael before rolling himself back to his desk. 

 

“You guys are so cute,” Geoff said from across the room, making both Michael and Gavin look at him. Geoff was smiling, almost looking like he was thinking about it too much. “Falling in love was nice,” he said a minute later, everyone snickering around the room. 

 

“Romantic,” Ray said, laughing a bit afterwards. 

 

Gavin sunk into his work, the pressure of the catch-up fading as the morning went on. He sniffled his nose around eleven, rubbing his eye as he looked at his screen. He felt a hand touch his arm a second later, looking over to see Michael beside him. He slid off his headphones so Michael could talk. 

 

“Hey, lets take a break,” Michael said, pulling on Gavin’s arm gently as he stood, the two boys ducking around the camera set up for recording AHWU, sneaking out the door. 

 

“Work okay?” Michael asked Gavin as he grabbed a can of Red Bull from the fridge. 

 

“Yeah, it’s not too bad,” Gavin said, sitting on one of the kitchen benches. He turned and watched some of the other employees play around in their workspace, smiling as they laughed out loud. 

 

Michael sat down on the bench with Gavin, sliding a water bottle over to him. 

 

“You need to drink,” Michael said, so Gavin popped the seal on the bottle, looking at Michael as he drank. Michael’s hair had been matted where his headphones had been sitting, his eyes a little sleepy still. 

 

“Hey boys,” a voice came from behind Gavin, making him turn. Ashley smiled as Michael said hello back to her, Meg bouncing in afterwards. 

 

“Hi!” Meg said to the two of them, a giddy smile on her face, “how’s it going?” 

 

Gavin let Michael talk to the two of them, Ashley leaning on the counter as she talked about some news piece, while Meg stood to the side, a little uninterested in the conversation. She moved and sat behind Gavin, causing him to turn and look at her, a worried expression on his face. 

 

“You feeling better? Heard you were sick,” Meg said, her hand rubbing on Gavin’s upper arm. 

 

“Mhmm, it’ll go away,” Gavin said to her, her hand sliding down to his thigh, making Gavin want to squirm away. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her, it’s just that she was touchy feely and the feeling was foreign to Gavin now, she didn’t touch like Michael did. She slid her hand off of Gavin’s thigh after he stared at it for a minute. 

 

“Sorry,” she whispered, looking behind him at nothing. Gavin felt bad, he knew he had hurt her in more ways than he thought, and sometimes it still felt fresh for some reason. 

 

“It’s okay,” Gavin said, patting her knee to reassure her. She looked up at him before dropping her eye contact and shaking her head. He heard her breath out, looking back at Ashley who was still talking to Michael. 

 

“It’s not, I should know better, I just miss you sometimes,” Meg said, looking back to Gavin. 

 

“Oh,” was all Gavin could think of to say, not really knowing what was going on. 

 

“You were fun to be with, I bet Michael loves being with you, I know how those hands could always wind me up, bet Michael’s could too.” Meg whispered into Gavin’s ear, causing his body to move away from her, bumping into Michael. 

 

“You alright?” Michael said to Gavin as Gavin looked around at him. 

 

“Erm, I just gotta go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back,” Gavin said, standing up abruptly, looking at Meg who was smiling at him. 

 

“Yeah, I should go back to work, see you later Gavin, Michael,” Meg said as she stood up as well, Gavin turning away before Ashley could say anything to him. He wandered to the bathroom, shuddering off the experience as walked into one of the stalls. _I pray that never happens again,_ Gavin thought as he washed his hands, hurrying back to the office before he ran into anyone again. 

 

“Hey,” Michael said to Gavin as he picked up the blanket off his chair, sitting back down. “You sure you’re okay?” 

 

“Yeah, I’m just tired and you know, Meg can get in your face sometimes,” Gavin said, looking at Michael. 

 

“Yeah, that’s true,” Michael said, “if you’re tired, you should lay down, it’s cool.” 

 

Gavin looked at the couch, the thought of laying down actually appetizing right now. 

 

“Come on,” Michael said, rummaging through his bag before nodding his head towards the couch, “inhaler and then nap.” 

 

Michael tossed the inhaler to Gavin, taking the blanket off his lap and walking to the couch. Gavin stood up and followed Michael, fiddling with the inhaler in his hands. _Michael knew he would forget it, so he packed it for him,_ Gavin thought, _what else did he forget that Michael hadn’t_. He looked at Michael’s bag, trying to figure it out. He felt Michael’s hand on his arm then, pulling him down to the makeshift bed. 

 

“Lemme see,” Michael said, redirecting Gavin’s attention back to the inhaler, taking it from his hand, placing it in his mouth. 

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone give someone else an inhaler,” Ryan said as he heard Michael counting, turning around to watch. 

 

“Eh, sometimes we get distracted Ryan,” Michael said, shrugging and gesturing his hand before placing it on Gavin’s shoulder, watching the clock before pulling the inhaler away. 

 

“I feel like as grown men he could probably do it himself, but then again we are talking about Gavin,” Ryan continued. 

 

“Ah, he can do it himself, it’s just sometimes he doesn’t,” Michael said back to Ryan. Gavin would have said something back to Ryan, but Michael had put his hand in his hair, making Gavin go crosseyed at the touch before he laid down. Michael knelt next to him, softly moving his fingers. 

 

“We’ll try and keep quiet, no guarantees though,” Michael said, kissing Gavin’s forehead, “have a good sleep Gavvy.” 

 

Gavin shut his eyes, letting his brain fall fuzzy as he slept. 

 

“That’s really sweet you know,” Michael heard Geoff sit next to him as he sat back down. 

 

“You’re really into this you know,” Michael said, purposely imitating him. 

 

“I’m just happy because I know he’s happy, and I know you’re happy. I know you tried to shake off your feelings for a long time Michael. It’s sweet that you two are just letting it happen now.” 

 

Michael bit his lip as he thought about Gavin and him together, smiling down at his desk. 

 

“Yeah, it is sweet.” Michael said, looking up at Geoff. Geoff smiled at him, placing a hand on Michael’s shoulder. 

 

“I know you’ll do a good job,” Geoff said, standing up and walking back to his own desk, leaving Michael feeling like the rest of the day was a breeze. 

 

Gavin woke up almost two hours later, coming back and working the rest of the day beside Michael. He was tired by the end of the day, cuddling up with the blanket in the car as Michael drove to Gavin’s instead of his apartment. He didn’t tell Gavin, but he packed clothes to stay over all week, not wanting to sleep alone anymore. 

 

Michael looked over at Gavin as he put his car in park, cutting the engine in Gavin’s driveway. Gavin had his eyes closed, curled up against the window. 

 

“Gav, we’re home,” Michael said, touching his hand on Gavin’s neck, Gavin turning to look at him. 

 

“Mmm, okay,” Gavin said, uncurling his arms, digging around in his jacket pocket, pulling out his keys and holding them out to Michael. 

 

“Here,” Gavin said as Michael took the keys, smiling at Gavin before getting out of the car. 

 

“You’re coming in right?” Michael said, ducking into the backseat for his bag. 

 

“Yeah, I’m coming,” Gavin said, not wanting to move, the cold air from outside making him shiver. Michael went to the front door and fiddled with Gavin’s keys, finding which one unlocked it. There weren’t many keys, so it didn’t take him long open the door, dropping his bag inside. He went back out to Gavin, opening his door and reaching to release his seatbelt. 

 

“Come on sweetie,” Michael said, pulling the blanket with one hand, grabbing Gavin’s hand with the other. Gavin liked the warmth in Michael’s hand as he was peeled from the comfortable position in the car, all heat pulled from him in the cold air. 

 

He followed Michael inside, his body starting to shiver as Michael closed the door, pulling his shoes off his feet. Gavin did the same thing, taking off his jacket and throwing it on the railing, trying to pull the blanket from Michael’s hands as he turned around. 

 

“Okay, okay,” Michael said, sliding off his jacket, keeping one hand on the blanket though, “let’s go upstairs.” 

 

Michael hopped up the stairs, the blanket connecting the two boys, Michael moving just fast enough to make Gavin have to jog a bit. Gavin decided to press Michael faster down the hall, the floor creaking as Michael stepped over the threshold between the hall and the bedroom. He turned around infront of Gavin, pulling the blanket from Gavin’s hands, swiftly holding it out and catching Gavin in it before Gavin could register Michael stopping. Michael stepped back into the bed with Gavin’s momentum, giggling as they fell to the mattress. 

 

“Michael!” Gavin all but screeched, his chest aching as he sat up and started coughing. Michael sat up as well, pulling Gavin onto the mattress more. 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” Gavin waved his hand to make Michael stop, he didn’t have to apologize. The air intake felt like it was ripping Gavin’s chest apart, his throat feeling more raw with every cough. He was trying to settle it, but it was uncontrollable. It barely even registered when Michael moved away from him, flicking on the light and grabbing him a glass of water from the bathroom, passing it to Gavin as he continued coughing. Gavin took in a shaky breath, raising the glass to his lips, the cold water feeling good down his throat. He half coughed half burped as the feeling subsided, his breathing coming down. 

 

“You alright?” Michael asked, kneeling down infront of Gavin. 

 

“Yeah, I think so,” Gavin said, looking at Michael who reached forward and wiped the tears that had fallen down Gavin’s cheeks without him even knowing. Gavin sniffled his nose, placing the glass on the night table. 

 

“Sheesh, I didn’t know that was going to happen, sorry,” Michael was saying. 

 

“Don’t worry about it, it just came up on me,” Gavin said, pulling Michael up from the floor. “Do you have my inhaler?” 

 

“Yeah, it’s just downstairs, let me grab it,” Michael said, Gavin trying to hold down the coughs that were starting to rise in his throat again. Michael thumped down the stairs, bringing his bag into the bedroom, pulling Gavin’s inhaler out. 

 

“Here,” Michael said, tossing it to Gavin, who immediately took it, the medication burning but the coughs dissipating. “Better?” 

 

“Mhmm,” Gavin said, breathing in and out with his hands on his knees, “makes the tickles go away.” 

 

“I’m sorry that happened, I’m sorry you have to go through that,” Michael said, putting his bag on the floor, moving to Gavin’s side, running his hands through Gavin’s hair, pressing Gavin’s head to his belly. “Come on, I wanna cuddle.” 

 

Michael pulled out a pair of pjs from his bag as Gavin nodded his head and moved the covers to get underneath them. Michael changed infront of Gavin, figuring Gavin wouldn’t care. Gavin felt Michael slide in beside him, pulling Gavin close. 

 

“Mmmm, you’re so comfy,” Gavin said, wrapping his arms around Michael’s torso, resting his head on Michael’s chest. Michael sighed as he let his arms fall around Gavin, smiling at the feeling. 

 

“Gavin, what did Meg say to you? For real, in the kitchen today, what did she say?” Michael asked, wondering what made Gavin so jumpy. 

 

“She was being all weird about you and I, like she wanted to have a piece of it, and it just made me uncomfortable, she doesn’t touch like you do Michael.” 

 

“Ohhh,” Michael said, pursing his lips as he laid and listened. “Like, she was insinuating a threesome?” 

 

“Yeah, but I would never want to, I just want you Michael,” Gavin said, looking up at Michael, tightening his grip. 

 

“That would be weird, having a threesome with your boyfriend and your ex-girlfriend.” Michael shuddered at the thought, slightly wishing he hadn’t asked now. 

 

“Michael, why’d you have to spell it out,” Gavin said, placing his face into Michael’s shirt. Michael smiled, rubbing Gavin’s shoulder. 

 

“I was just thinking about it,” Michael said, “my thoughts were just coming out.” 

 

Michael felt Gavin smile into his shirt, bringing his head back up to look at Michael again. 

 

“Well, strain it next time,” Gavin said. 

 

“‘Strain it?’ Really Gav?” Michael said, starting to laugh. “How about ‘filter it?’ That’s the saying.” 

 

“Whatever,” Gavin said, listening to Michael’s laugh through his chest as he placed his head sideways on Michael’s abdomen. “Still I only want you.” 

 

“I only want you too,” Michael said, sighing as he closed his eyes, finding comfort in Gavin’s touch. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this throughout the weekend, hence the super chilled vibe I think it ended up having.


	16. Chapter 16

_“And we're burning all the bridges”_

 

Gavin stood up from his desk, wandering around the office as he took his inhaler, lunch time calling to him. _One more day and then it’s the weekend,_ Gavin thought, noticing that it was Thursday as he read the calendar. Really it always felt like it was the weekend, considering he spent all day looking at video games, or something that he enjoyed at least. He turned and looked at Michael, his headphones tilted on his head, the curls sticking up as Michael edited a video. 

 

“Hey Michael,” Gavin said, walking up behind Michael’s chair, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Michael’s neck. 

 

“Hey Gavin,” Michael said back to him, reaching up and touching the side of Gavin’s face. Gavin looked up, Michael turning his chair to see Gavin better. “What’s up,” Michael asked, a smile on his face as Gavin watched his eyes scan him. 

 

“Mmmm, nothing,” Gavin said, shrugging his shoulders at the same time. “Just missed you,” Gavin continued, pecking Michael on the lips, watching a blush creep up Michael’s neck. 

 

“I’ve been right beside you all day long,” Michael said, his words almost slurring together because his lips felt tingly from Gavin kissing him. They hadn’t really kissed since Gavin got sick, and kissing while other people were around was definitely still weird. 

 

“I know,” Gavin said as he sat back in his chair, sighing and putting his hands behind his head. “You getting hungry?” 

 

“Yeah, are you?” Michael asked back. 

 

“Yeah, working on starving,” Gavin said, tilting his head to look at the clock on his computer. He watched it change over another minute, his thoughts breaking as someone else started talking. 

 

“I couldn’t help but overhear, but I’m hungry too and I’m going to go out and eat if you guys want to come,” Geoff said, turning around and standing up to get his jacket. He looked at the two boys as he zipped it up. 

 

“You wanna go Michael?” Gavin asked, looking at Michael. 

 

“Yeah, sure, let’s go,” Michael said, standing up as well. 

 

“I just have to wee,” Gavin said, grabbing his jacket as Michael nodded. 

 

“We’ll meet you at the car, okay?” Geoff said, holding the door open for the boys to walk through before him. 

 

“Okay,” Gavin said, moving to the bathrooms. He heard voices echoing throughout the hall, the voices carrying in the space. 

 

“Can you believe that, he went for a guy, after _me!_ I find that so funny,” Gavin knew that it was Meg, he knew her voice to well. He halted in his tracks, listening on. 

 

“It is pretty funny, isn’t it, but like, it’s his choice,” Ashley said. 

 

“Ugh, I bet they’re so good together, I love thinking that I turned a guy gay. Makes my entire week. I wanna sneak into their office and just watch them, I can’t wait for the audience to find out. I bet it’ll be good.” Gavin leaned against the wall. _I liked Michael before I even met you,_ Gavin thought, looking down. 

 

“I bet Gavin’s a slut for Michael,” Meg again. 

 

“I can’t believe you even want to think about them having sex together, now that’s pretty funny,” Ashley said, giggling afterwards. 

 

“Gavin always begged for me, it was so cute to tease him, he was literally wrapped around my finger. I teased him all day long, and he would just follow me like a puppy. And then he pulled away, and to know it was for Michael, for _Michael,_ Ash, now _that_ is the best news story ever.” 

 

“If only you could make it one, it would end you. It would be the only news story you would cover. ‘Michael and Gavin sat and talked to each other today, it was hot.’ That would be all your news stories all the time,” Ashley said, laughing along the way. 

 

“Well, _yeah,_ it’s big news, at least for me,” Meg said, her laugh echoing around the space. 

 

Gavin heard movement next, Meg walking around the corner a second later. Gavin felt frozen in his tracks, both of them just looking at each other. 

 

“Oh, hi Gavin,” Meg said, plastering a smile on her face.

 

“Hi,” Gavin barely whispered, not knowing what to say. “I liked Michael before I met you,” the words tumbled out of Gavin before he knew it, his brain not working. 

 

Meg laughed, stepping closer to him, “yeah, okay, still funny that you went to him after me. You seriously think you can get anything better than me? Michael isn’t going to save you all the time. You better figure that out, he can’t be your mom. He can’t stop people from hating you, fans turning away because you’re gay. I’m not personally surprised you’re gay, I just don’t know how you think it’ll last forever with Michael. Life isn’t fluffy clouds and rainbows Gavin, plus Michael already fell in love with a girl, he asked her to marry him. He’s just confused right now, he’ll go back to Lindsay and then you’ll be alone. Stop playing games Gavin, stop thinking this is all how it’s going to end. You and Michael will end one day.”

 

Gavin was looking down, every word lowering his self esteem. He turned away, not wanting to hear anything more from her. He felt wrecked, his life shattering into a million little questions. 

 

“See, you don’t even have anything to say,” Meg said as Gavin started to walk away. 

 

Gavin stuffed his emotions down as he walked, ignoring Meg and trying to look normal and not worry anyone. He reached the car, Michael and Geoff laughing at something they were talking about. Gavin walked up to them, trying to act like he hadn’t just had the encounter with Meg. 

 

“Hey, good to go?” Geoff said, smiling up at Gavin. 

 

“Yeah, let’s go,” Gavin said, reaching for the door handle. Gavin sunk himself into conversation, even though he felt like throwing up. He somehow pressed it down though, managing through lunch and the rest of the day. He sighed as he got into Michael’s car at the end of the day, looking out the window. 

 

“Hey,” Michael said, touching Gavin’s arm before he started driving. Gavin looked over at him. “Come over here,” Michael pulled on Gavin’s arm, making him come closer. Michael touched the back of Gavin’s head, pulling their lips together, working against Gavin. 

 

“Mmmm,” Gavin said, pulling away, “Let’s go home Michael.” 

 

Michael frowned, Gavin sounding defeated for some reason. Michael rubbed Gavin’s hand before putting his car into gear and driving home, Gavin’s emotions flooding back the closer they got to home. 

 

Gavin put his head down, trying to soak up his fears and anxieties, not wanting to fall apart. 

 

“We’re home,” Michael said, looking over at Gavin as he put his car in park and shut it off. 

 

“Gavin?” Michael said, tilting his head to try and catch Gavin’s eyes. Gavin looked away instead, pulling his door handle open, practically running to the house, fumbling with his keys, rushing inside leaving them in the door lock. Michael tried to follow him, half tripping up the steps before pulling Gavin’s keys out of the lock, trying to calm himself down as he scanned the dark house. It was silent, but Gavin’s wet footprints and the partially open sliding door gave him away. 

 

“Gavin?!” Michael yelled, his voice carrying through the air. He slid the door shut, taking a few steps out, looking at the footprints in the snow. He knew Gavin was running, the footsteps far apart and darting around. 

 

“Gavin,” Michael finally said as he walked down the sidewalk five minutes later, Gavin sitting, huffing on someone else’s lawn, his breath puffing out of his mouth. 

 

“No Michael,” Gavin said as Michael reached out to him, Michael pulling his hand away, crouching down infront of Gavin instead. 

 

“Gavin, please, what happened,” Michael heard the streetlight turn on behind them, Gavin’s cheeks glinting in the orange light as he looked away from Michael. 

 

“No one likes me,” Gavin said, sniffling his nose, “they think it’s funny.” 

 

“What? Who?” Michael asked, “Gavin who said that to you?” 

 

Gavin brought his knees up to his chest and buried his face in his lap at Michael’s tone, internally closing everything out. 

 

“Gavin please,” Michael said, touching Gavin’s arm. 

 

“Don’t touch me!” Gavin screamed, standing up, starting to run away again, the snow starting to fall in between him and Michael. 

 

_He’s going to try and isolate himself, but you have to push yourself to always be there for him. He will get through it, and I know he loves you, for real._ Geoff’s words rang out in Michael’s head, Michael pushing off into a run, waiting for Gavin to slow at some point. He reached out as soon as Gavin was in reach, pulling on Gavin’s sleeve, and audible gasp falling from Gavin’s mouth. 

 

“No, let go Michael, no, I don’t want _this_!” Gavin was screeching, Michael stopping and letting go as the words cut into him. 

 

“You don’t want what?” Michael said as Gavin looked at him with a frown. 

 

“You don’t want what?! Us?!” It was Michael yelling this time. “What’s gotten into you?!” 

 

Michael’s head was spinning, “We we’re fine, totally completely fine about ten minutes ago and now you’re running away from me and saying you don’t want this? I don’t get it, what are you talking about that no one likes you?! Everyone likes you Gavin! I don’t know a more likeable person, tell me what going on!” Michael screamed, not caring what attention he was getting from strangers. Michael heard Gavin sob, his tears dripping onto the pavement. 

 

“Please stop yelling.” Gavin said, his words shaky and whispery as he tried to bring himself back together. 

 

“Honestly, I don’t know what’s going on at all,” Michael said half to himself, half to the outside air. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Gavin looked up and said, “I just have to go.” 

 

Michael watched as Gavin brushed past him, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, back tracking where he had just come from. Michael frowned, sighing as he lingered behind Gavin, following him into the backyard and into the house again. Michael watched as Gavin left his shoes and jacket strewn across the living room, snow soaking onto the hardwood. He watched as Gavin took two steps at a time upstairs, hanging his head as he heard Gavin slam the bedroom door. Michael crouched down, pinching the bridge of his nose as he wanted to scream, wanted to know what was in Gavin’s head. He let himself fist the fabric of Gavin’s jacket in his hand as he stood, walking across the living room, picking up the shoes and tossing them on the mat in the foyer with a thud, kicking his own against the wall as he flung them off. He tossed his own jacket as well as Gavin’s on the railing, debating going upstairs or not. He wanted to squeeze every last word and emotion out of Gavin, but instead he made the choice to stay away. He knew it would just make it worse, and he honestly didn’t have the energy. 

 

Michael turned around, laying down on the couch, pulling a blanket with him, covering his head with it, the events of the evening ringing in his ears. 

 

Gavin crept down the stairs four hours later, the house dark, Michael’s feet faintly sticking off the end of the couch. Gavin turned back up the stairs as he wondered how long it would take until Michael left. He wanted to say never but what if Meg was right? What if he was just here on a whim and he was really going to turn back to Lindsay? 

 

Michael stirred, sitting up on the couch. His eyes adjusted in the light, looking up at the creaking ceiling. _Gavin,_ was all Michael could think, listening to each footstep above him. Michael stood up, pushing the blanket off his lap as he moved to the bottom of the stairs. He stared at the faint glow bouncing off the wall from a light being on upstairs. Michael stepped over the threshold of the first stair, wondering if he was going to walk into chaos or not. He paused and listened at the end of the hall, the sound of Gavin closing a drawer feeling loud in Michael’s ears. He moved to the doorway, leaning on the frame. He watched as Gavin reorganized his drawers for some reason, stuffing two drawers worth of t-shirts into one drawer, barely closing it. 

 

“What are you doing?” Michael said into the silence, Gavin’s body jolting in surprise. 

 

“Why are you still here?” Gavin said bitterly back to him. 

 

“Because I know you still want me here, you’re just pushing me away because someone else said something to you,” Michael replied. 

 

Michael watched Gavin’s chin tense up, his teeth grinding against each other. 

 

“You wouldn’t be making a space for my stuff if you didn’t,” Michael said when Gavin didn’t say anything. 

 

Gavin looked down at the drawer, confused on why he did it too. 

 

“I didn’t just make space, I already put your stuff in there,” Gavin said, gesturing to Michael’s empty bag. 

 

“I’m feeling a little lost here Gavin,” Michael said. 

 

“It’ll take you longer to leave if you have to pack,” Gavin said. 

 

“What do you mean? I’m not leaving?” Michael replied, pushing his eyebrows together. 

 

“You will one day,” Gavin whispered, drawing patterns on the floor with his sock foot. 

 

“No, actually, I won’t be. I don’t know who told you all this stuff, but I won’t be leaving.” 

 

“It was Meg,” Gavin said, Michael tilting his head to the side. 

 

“Meg?” Michael repeated more out of surprise. Gavin nodded in response. 

 

“But when even?” Michael tried to search the day through his mind. 

 

“Before lunch, she thinks I’m stupid.” Gavin said. 

 

“Gavin,” Michael moved closer to Gavin whose tears had started making the hardwood wet now. Michael touched Gavin’s cheeks, wiping them, pulling Gavin to his lips. Gavin started sobbing at the touch, Michael trailing his kisses down Gavin’s jawline. 

 

“Gavin in no way are you stupid for being with me and I’m not going to leave,” Michael said, linking his fingers in with Gavin’s. Michael pulled Gavin to the bed, sitting him on the edge, climbing to straddle Gavin’s lap. Michael grabbed a kleenex from Gavin’s nightstand, tilting Gavin’s face and wiping it, looking at Gavin in the eye afterwards. 

 

“Tell me,” Michael said. 

 

“You already love Lindsay, you asked her to marry you, you’re going to go back to that. Everyone’s going to think I’m stupid and make fun of me and everyone’s going to hate me and I’ll be alone and you won’t save me and,” Gavin hiccuped, his eyes stinging as they dried out from crying. 

 

“Gavin, I left Lindsay because I wasn’t happy, I’m happy here. Who care’s what other people think? You left Meg behind already, please, don’t listen to her. I’m here, remember? All of you and all of me. That’s all I want. You’re right that I won’t always be able to save you but I sure will try, I will always be here, please don’t run away from me. Please don’t hide away,” Michael said, whispering the last part into Gavin’s ear as Michael pulled him tight in his arms, his baby boy being swallowed from the voices. From the other people in his life. From people putting words inside of his head. 

 

“I love you,” Gavin whispered out, Michael letting the tears fall at the words. 

 

“Those three words are home to me,” Michael said, leaning up and pressing his lips to Gavin’s, soaking in every emotion. 

 

“I love you more that you will ever know,” Michael said in between kisses, wishing he could mend every cut Meg put into Gavin. 

 

“Those three words are the only ones that can save me,” Gavin said, Michael smiling as he kissed. 

 

“I love you, all of you, and I won’t leave, I don’t care how far you run or who says what I won’t leave. I love you Gavin. I don’t care how broken we end up being, I will always love you.” 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FT-G4U4bkUo
> 
> <3


	17. Chapter 17

_“Burning all the bridges now”_

 

“It’s going to be okay,” Michael whispered as Gavin gripped onto him in the morning light, chest to chest. Michael pressed his lips to Gavin’s forehead, the feeling of warm tears soaking his shirt onto his skin. 

 

“Shhhhh,” was all Michael could say, letting Gavin get it out now instead of at work. He felt Gavin take a breath, rolling away from Michael and grabbing a kleenex before he sat up. 

 

“Okay,” Gavin said, sitting up in bed, mustering up the energy to face the day while wiping his face. 

 

“All good?” Michael asked, sitting up and looking at Gavin’s red eyes. 

 

“No, but good enough,” Gavin said, trying not to feel defeated. 

 

“I love you,” Michael said as he rubbed Gavin’s back with his hand. Gavin smiled, fiddling with the kleenex in his hands. 

 

“I love you too,” Gavin said, looking up and leaning over to kiss Michael. Gavin could feel Michael’s warmth, his mind calming down. He felt scattered and upset over everything, and he still wanted to run away from everything and scream for a while. Why someone had to be so mean and personal was beyond him, why did Meg have to cut so deep? 

 

Michael pulled away, pressing a kiss to Gavin’s cheek before sliding off the bed, everything feeling achey without Michael’s touch on his skin to Gavin. He wanted to lay back down and not deal with the world today. He watched as Michael pulled open the drawer that Gavin had put his stuff in, smiling at it. He pulled out his clothes and slid into the bathroom, the sound of the water running a minute later. Michael poked his head out of the door, looking to Gavin. 

 

“Wanna come?” Michael asked, pointing with his head to the shower. 

 

“Okay,” Gavin said, pulling his body away from the covers, rifling through his own clothes before entering the bathroom. Michael was already in the shower, the smell of soap filling the air. Gavin stepped in with him, the water washing away some of the ache that was inside of him. He looked up at Michael through the stream of water, droplets falling from his eyelashes. Michael looked back at him, his brown eyes making Gavin’s insides feel gooey. Gavin reached out and pulled roughly on Michael’s neck, smashing their lips together as the water dripped down into their mouths. 

 

“Make it go away,” Gavin whispered into Michael’s mouth, pushing every thought away and just focusing on Michael who dug his nails into Gavin’s sides, detaching his lips as he looked down, placing one foot on each edge of the bathtub, making himself taller, looking down at Gavin through the streams of water. Gavin blinked and his eyes shut as Michael tilted Gavin’s head back, dominating Gavin as he sucked and kissed from Gavin’s mouth down onto his chest, biting Gavin’s collarbone before raising Gavin’s blood to the surface, the pain fuzzing out Gavin’s thoughts. 

 

“I love you so much,” Michael whispered, coming back up to Gavin’s ear, pulling on the lobe with his teeth. Gavin whimpered at the words, gripping onto Michael’s sides. Michael caught Gavin’s lips before Gavin could look down, sucking on Gavin’s tongue and mouth, his hands holding Gavin’s face as Gavin’s hands rested on Michael’s hips, holding Michael close to him. Michael kept his head on Gavin’s shoulder and Gavin leaned on Michael’s chest, just standing still, his shoulders relaxing as his guard fell brick by brick, washing down the drain. 

 

“You’re okay,” Michael said as Gavin brought his head up, looking at Michael. 

 

“I’m okay,” Gavin said back, Michael stepping back down, kissing Gavin again as he reached for the bottle of body wash. 

 

— 

 

Michael sighed as one more day passed, wanting to lay down and sleep than get any work done. He couldn’t help but admit that he was tired, tired and upset and just wanting to sleep. Both Gavin and Michael were quiet as Michael drove home, almost not even bothering with getting dinner. Sitting and eating pizza in bed wasn’t the worst thing ever though, Michael lounging with his head at the end of the bed, Gavin propped up on the headboard. 

 

“Mmmm, yeah?” Michael said through a slice of pizza as Gavin talked about another video idea. 

 

“Yeah, I think it would be cool,” Gavin said, watching Michael chew on the last bite of his crust. Gavin crawled over to Michael then, Michael smiling as Gavin kissed him, half giggling. 

 

“Let me finish,” Michael said as he pulled away from Gavin, who made a pouty face as Michael chewed. 

 

“Okay,” Michael said as he swallowed and took a sip of his beer, wedging it back in-between the mattress and footboard where he had gotten it from. Gavin pressed Michael down onto his back, the taste of beer and Michael making him happy. 

 

“I don’t have to worry about any fucking people, or fucking life because it’s the weekend and I’m, with my fucking boyfriend,” Gavin said, taking Michael’s wrists and pushing them into the bed with his hands, Michael giggling as Gavin kissed down his neck. 

 

“You’re such a fucking potty mouth when you drink,” Michael said, “but really you should just fuck me.” 

 

Michael whispered the last part, Gavin’s movements changing at the words. Michael felt as Gavin took his hands and pulled Michael back up into a sitting position, looking at Michael’s eyes, squinting. 

 

“What?” Michael said, Gavin turning to look at his nightstand before turning back to Michael. 

 

“Nothing,” Gavin muttered, suddenly putting his hands on the hem of Michael’s shirt, tugging it up. Michael gave Gavin a quizzical look before putting his arms up, Gavin tossing his shirt on the ground. Michael looked at the nightstand, confused on why Gavin looked at it, his thoughts disappearing as Gavin attached his lips to Michael’s neck, sucking and biting down it, a purple stripe would for sure be left. 

 

“Lay down, the right way,” Gavin said, leaving Michael as he leant down to the nightstand. Michael tried to peer over the edge too, wanting to know what Gavin was doing. 

 

“Hey, I said lay down,” Gavin said as he felt Michael beside him, nudging Michael away. Michael laid on the bed, hating that Gavin hid whatever he had under the covers, even though he left a bottle of lube and a few condoms out in the open. 

 

“Fucking tease,” Michael said as Gavin straddled back over him, smiling before he leaned down to Michael. Michael pulled his glasses off his face, passing them to Gavin who laid them on the nightstand. 

 

“You’re cool with something new right?” Gavin said as he trailed kisses down Michael’s temple, waiting for a response. 

 

“Um, yeah,” Michael said, a little squeamish to know what Gavin was doing. 

 

“Okay, just say stop if you don’t like it,” Gavin said, linking his hands in with Michael’s. “I love you,” Gavin said as he brought their hands up beside Michael’s head, his thumbs rubbing across Michael’s knuckles. 

 

“I love you too,” Michael said as Gavin let go of one of his hands and pulled out a pair of handcuffs, linking the one end onto Michael’s wrist that was still being held by Gavin’s hand, which brought it to Gavin’s headboard, which Michael now figured out why he had a headboard with bars as Gavin took Michael’s other wrist and connected them together. Michael felt like he had entered some silly porno, the metal cold on his wrists. 

 

“This is really cheesy, you know.” Michael said as he looked up at his hands, lightly tugging on them. 

 

“Yeah, well, it’s not so bad from my view,” Gavin said, Michael looking down at Gavin who was looking at him. Michael squeezed his arms over his face, groaning at the same time. 

 

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Gavin said, running his hands up Michael’s arms, reaching for his hands. 

 

“No!” Michael shouted then, looking up at Gavin, “no, let’s try. Who cares if it’s cheesy. Fuck the hell out of me, goodness it’s what we need.” 

 

“Okay,” Gavin said with a smirk, running his hands back down Michael’s arms, down onto his sides giving him shivers. Michael felt Gavin connect his mouth to his nipple, breathing in from the touch. Gavin moved up to Michael’s arm, sucking on the soft flesh, Michael squirming as it felt like Gavin was separating the muscle tissue. 

 

“That spot hurts,” Michael said as Gavin kissed up his shoulder, wishing he could rub the sore spot. Gavin hummed in response, continuing to leave a spit trail wherever he moved on Michael. He trailed down Michael’s chest, lifting his head as his lips touched Michael’s belly button, sitting up and shuffling down the bed as his hands pulled Michael’s belt apart. Gavin undid Michael’s pants, standing up on the bed as he pulled the bottom of Michael’s pant legs, Michael wiggling as his boxers half came off his butt too. He heard the jeans hit the floor, Gavin smiling as he stood over Michael. 

 

“Loose your shorts Michael?” Gavin asked as Michael squirmed, the band pressing into his butt. 

 

“Ugh, no fair, I can’t pull them up Gav,” Michael said, half smiling at Gavin. 

 

“Then I’ll just pull them off,” Gavin said as he knelt down and pulled the material away from Michael, flinging it like an elastic with his hands halfway across the room. 

 

“Oh my God,” Michael said, laughing into his arm, “what the hell is wrong with you.” 

 

Gavin sunk back to the bed, fitting himself in-between Michael’s legs. “There’s a lot wrong with me, but you already knew that.” Gavin said, pulling his shirt over his head and onto the floor.  

 

“Mmm, true,” Michael said, trying to distract himself from the fact that he was out in the open with no control by bringing his legs up and pushing on the band of Gavin’s jeans. “Off,” Michael prodded, becoming a little impatient. 

 

Gavin pushed his feet away, leaning up to Michael, smothering him in a kiss. Gavin pushed his tongue into Michael’s mouth, making Michael moan as Gavin dropped his hips a bit, his jeans touching Michael. Gavin slid his hands up Michael’s chest, resting one on his shoulder, his other hand on the side of Michael’s neck, feeling Michael’s heartbeat through his thumb. Gavin liked how the beat sped up as he bit down on Michael’s lip, Michael’s chest rising and falling under him. Gavin could feel Michael starting to sweat, heat radiating between them. Gavin liked how Michael squirmed and moaned as he pinched one of Michael’s nipples, feeling the rush of hormones through Michael’s heartbeat like clockwork. Gavin smiled and kept kissing Michael as he lifted his hips and undid his own pants, pulling them down and kicking them away. He pulled off his boxers as well, his dick feeling better without the fabric pressing it down. He could hear the metal of Michael’s handcuffs clang on the headboard as Gavin rubbed on him, Michael pulling on the resistance. 

 

“Don’t break my headboard,” Gavin said as he pulled away from kissing Michael, grabbing the bottle of lube, smearing it on his fingers. 

 

Michael jolted as Gavin touched his asshole, the cold not being pleasant. Michael brought his legs up as Gavin slowly worked his finger inside Michael, Michael pulling on the handcuffs and moaning at the same time. Gavin watched as Michael’s curls started to turn dark with sweat, the mix of pain and pleasure on his face. Michael let out a whimper as Gavin placed another finger inside him, feeling as Michael’s asshole contracted, his body fighting with wether or not it felt good or bad. Michael’s dick was starting to leak as Gavin spread his fingers inside Michael, making Michael cry out from the feeling, a tear running down his temple. 

 

“Good or bad?” Gavin asked without stopping. 

 

“Hurts, but good,” Michael choked out, his voice hitching as Gavin worked on spreading him. Gavin worked a rhythm until Michael started to calm, the pained expression starting to subside from his face. Gavin let his fingers slide out of Michael, who looked painfully hard to Gavin. 

 

“My God, hurry up,” Michael panted, Gavin smiling as he rolled a condom onto himself, lubing Michael up once more after he lubed himself. 

 

“Relax,” Gavin said as he lined himself up, “I know you wanna be fucked but this is gunna hurt the first time, okay? Worse than my fingers.” Gavin reached up to Michael’s face, brushing Michael’s curls away from his forehead, wiping away some of the tears that had streaked his skin. 

 

Gavin held Michael’s hips as he pushed into him, Michael screaming out as he pulled hard on the metal around his wrists, his body convulsing as he spilled out over his stomach, the pressure too much to handle. He sucked in a sob as every emotion seared through his body in one go, pain and pleasure and fullness and hurt all at once, all as Gavin held himself still inside of Michael. Michael came down off his orgasm, his body caught in a complete rush that was all a blurry picture of Gavin. 

 

“I can’t fucking tell if that was a good or bad thing that just happened,” Gavin said, looking down at Michael. “But I’m gunna move now a bit, even though you just came.”

 

Michael hissed as Gavin moved, at first slow, but then it was Gavin who was moaning and panting over Michael, screaming out as he filled the condom. Michael watched as Gavin hung his head, breathing in and out, mouth open. Gavin pulled out of Michael, pulling the condom off and tossing it away, wiping his forehead with his hand as he sat up. 

 

“You look so pretty when you cum,” Michael said, making Gavin smile at him. 

 

“You look so fucking hot right now,” Gavin said, his eyes trailing up and down Michael’s body, covered in sweat and cum, Michael’s eyes half closed as Gavin leaned over him, humming in his ear. Gavin slid the keys out from under the covers as he nuzzled Michael, reaching up and unlocking the handcuffs. 

 

“Slowly,” Gavin said as he tossed the handcuffs on the bed, linking his fingers back into Michael’s, making him drop his arms slow until their hands were beside Michael’s head again. 

 

“Everything hurts with you,” Michael said as his shoulders burned, the amount of pulling he had been doing with his arms up made everything ache. 

 

“I know,” Gavin said, “sorry about that.” 

 

“Don’t be sorry, I like it.” Michael said, reaching up and pecking Gavin on the lips. “I love you.” 

 

Gavin smiled, “I love you too.” 

 

Gavin lent down, placing a soft kiss on Michael’s mouth. He was gentle and it made Michael’s eyes water, because he knew it was no longer, ‘I want you,’ it was now, ‘I love you,’ and that made him happy. 

 

“Hmm, maybe well wrap those handcuffs next time,” Gavin said as he pulled up, catching Michael’s wrists in his vision, turning them to look at them. He ran his thumb down to touch the redness, Michael wincing at the touch. 

 

“Ow, I didn’t even feel them digging in,” Michael said, moving his hands to look at his wrists. He could see dried blood in some spots, his wrists looking puffy with scrap marks. 

 

“One sec,” Gavin said, letting go of Michael’s hands, gingerly getting off the bed. Michael sat up on his elbows, his entire body aching and throbbing, watching as Gavin disappeared into the bathroom. Gavin came back a minute later, a set of clean sheets in his hands, a smile on his face. 

 

“Come here,” Gavin said as he placed the sheets on the nightstand, reaching his hand out for Michael to take it. Michael half groaned as Gavin pulled on him, his body protesting moving. His legs felt wobbly as he walked to the bathroom with Gavin, things feeling all stretched and irritated inside of him. The scent of bubble gum floated through the air as Michael entered the bathroom, the sight of a bubble bath oddly comforting to him. 

 

“This night just keeps getting cheesier and cheesier doesn’t it?” Gavin said as he looked at the bath, suddenly seeming confused on why he did it. 

 

“No, this night is perfect.” Michael said, because it was. The longer it went on, the more Michael was convinced that Gavin was perfect. He was cheesy, and maybe Gavin thought that Michael didn’t like it, but inside Michael did like it. He liked that Gavin just did things, introduced things, even though Gavin was the one who was crying into Michael this morning. When it’s Michael and Gavin, nothing in the world mattered. 

 

Gavin held Michael’s hand as he stepped in, sinking into the warm water, the bubbles dotting the ends of his curls. Gavin slid in opposite to Michael, his head dinging on the tap behind him. 

 

“Ow,” Gavin said as he held the back of his head with his hand, frowning a bit. Michael laughed, shaking his head. 

 

“You’re a doorknob,” Michael said, smiling still. Gavin shrugged, smiling back at Michael. 

 

Michael breathed in sharply then, one of his wrists touching the water, making it burn. He looked down at it, it felt like it was sizzling. 

 

“Lemme see,” Gavin said, taking a facecloth that was on the edge of the bathtub, making it wet in the bathwater. He took Michael’s hand in his, running the facecloth over Michael’s wrist. Michael groaned, pushing his face into his shoulder at the burning. 

 

“Sorry,” Gavin said as he cleaned the cuts, picking up Michael’s other hand, cleaning it also. 

 

“You really cut this one,” Gavin said, watching as the cut appeared on the back of Michael’s wrist as he cleaned it. It dripped red into the water, Michael wincing at it.

 

Gavin slid closer to Michael in the bath, running the facecloth over Michael’s body, Michael holding his hands behind Gavin’s head, resting his arms on Gavin’s shoulders so his wrists wouldn’t sink into the water. 

 

“Close your eyes,” Gavin said, Michael closing his eyes as Gavin ran the facecloth over his face and in his hair a bit. Michael pushed into Gavin’s hand as he ran the cloth across his lips, Gavin moving the cloth away, attaching his lips to Michael’s instead. Gavin kept his forehead on Michael’s as he broke the kiss, looking down at Michael. 

 

“Thank you for not letting me go,” Gavin whispered, “thank you for not leaving.” 

 

“I won’t ever leave,” Michael said, pushing his lips on Gavin’s again. 

 

Gavin sat up and leaned backwards, dipping his head into the water behind him, Michael moving his arms out of the way. Michael smiled as Gavin brought his head back up, his hair flatted on his head. 

 

“Look good?” Gavin asked as he looked at Michael smiling. 

 

“Perfect,” Michael giggled as the water dripped out of Gavin’s hair, pieces of it starting to stick up. Gavin rubbed his face in the cloth, before sinking it into the water and wiping his body off. 

 

“Okay,” Gavin said as he rung the cloth in his hands, placing it on the edge of the tub again. Michael watched as Gavin stood up, stepping out of the tub and grabbing a towel. Michael sunk into the water deeper because he didn’t feel like getting out yet. 

 

“I’ll make the bed if you wanna stay here,” Gavin said, looking at Michael in the water. Michael nodded, still holding his wrists out of the water. “Okay,” Gavin said, smiling as he left the bathroom, changing the bed sheets. 

 

Gavin came back ten minutes later, a pair of pj pants slung on his hips, a pair of Michael’s in his hands. Michael had become warm and happy in the bath, a sleepy expression on his face. Gavin pulled a towel out for Michael, holding it over the heating vent before he asked if Michael was ready to get out of the tub yet. 

 

“Mmm, I guess,” Michael said, placing his hands on the edge of the tub, pushing himself up out of the water. The air immediately made him cold, but Gavin wrapped him in the warm towel as soon as Michael stepped out of the tub. Michael’s teeth chattered a bit as Gavin rubbed the towel on Michael’s body, pulling a corner to Michael’s hair. Gavin smiled, because Michael looked like a child in the moment, wrapped up in a towel after a bath. Gavin couldn’t help imagine Michael as a child, wild curls and chubby cheeks, brown eyes that lit up when he brought you a frog from the garden. Gavin thought about it as he pulled the plug on the tub, Michael pulling on the pjs Gavin brought him, as well as clean boxers. Gavin pushed Michael into the counter when he turned around from the tub, wrapping his arms around Michael and the towel, kissing Michael, solely because he could. 

 

Gavin lifted Michael onto the counter as he kissed him, the towel falling onto Michael’s lap as Michael slid his hands onto Gavin’s face, dipping his tongue into Gavin’s mouth. Gavin smiled and pulled away at the motion, kissing Michael cheek before pulling open one of his cupboards. 

 

“Lemme see your wrist,” Gavin said, twisting the cap off a tube of Polysporin, squirting it along the cut as he held Michael’s hand in his. Michael watched Gavin’s face as Gavin laid a piece of gauze over the wound, ripping two pieces of tape with his teeth, sticking it onto Michael’s wrist. Gavin was gentle and it didn’t hurt Michael at all, in fact it was more soothing, Gavin’s cheeks pink, his tongue sticking out of his mouth just a bit as his hands made sure the tape wasn’t too tight. Gavin took Michael’s other wrist afterwards, smearing a layer of ointment over the little cuts that dotted Michael’s wrist with his thumb. It made Michael’s wrist sting a bit, almost like it was buzzing. Gavin put the things back into his cupboard after, putting his arms around Michael’s waist as Michael slid from the countertop, pressing his lips to Michael’s temple along the way. 

 

“Bed?” Michael said as Gavin looked at him, nodding and pulling the towel away from Michael, hanging it on the tub. Michael switched off the bathroom light, walking into the bedroom to a freshly made bed. It made him feel sleepy right away, and the fact that Gavin was crawling into it made it even more inviting. 

 

“Does it feel better?” Gavin asked as Michael climbed into the covers, sliding in beside Gavin, his head resting on Gavin’s shoulder. 

 

“Yeah,” Michael said as Gavin held onto Michael’s hand that was resting on his chest. Gavin turned his head towards Michael, brushing his lips on the top of Michael’s head. 

 

“I love you,” Gavin whispered, Michael shutting his eyes. 

 

“I love you too,” Michael whispered back, moving to Gavin’s lips with his own. “I was really scared when you ran away and wouldn’t let me touch you.” 

 

“I was really scared too,” Gavin said, “I’m still scared Michael.” 

 

Michael could feel Gavin’s breath on his face, opening his eyes to look at Gavin. 

 

“Don’t be.” Michael said, his lips brushing against Gavin’s as he spoke. 

 

“Don’t be scared, words are powerful, but they don’t control us. Put a guard up for the people who are out to hurt you, but please don’t push me away, I’m not here to mess with you, I’m here because I love you. If I have to prove myself everyday then I will. I’ll always be yours, no matter how far apart or how close we are, I’m always yours.” Michael said. 

 

“Let me show you something,” Gavin said, sliding out of bed, rummaging through one of his drawers before coming back to the bed. 

 

“Glasses,” Michael said as Gavin placed a worn book on the bed. 

 

Gavin slid back into the covers, sitting up more than before as he handed Michael his glasses, flipping open the book in his lap. Michael looked at the pictures, each one of some different location. 

 

“My mom and dad gave me a camera when I was a kid, I got to play with it and take pictures of whatever I wanted. It’s weird, but they’re all pretty much in this book. My mom put it in my suitcase when I came over here, I didn’t realize until I was unpacking. I hadn’t seen them in years.” 

 

“You took these as a kid?” Michael said as Gavin flipped through the pictures, each one framed perfectly, everything in focus and lighted correctly. Michael could see the progression as the book went on, Gavin’s child mind figuring out what he liked and what he didn’t. 

 

“Yeah, I was just fooling around. I didn’t know if they were good or not, but they are.” Gavin said. “Mmmm, these ones are my favourite.” 

 

Michael watched as pages of pictures of stars unfolded infront of him, his mind taken aback that Gavin took them as a child. 

 

“We were at a beach, and I swear I laid on the sand for hours after it got dark, I’m pretty sure I fell asleep and my dad carried me back to the car.” 

 

Michael imagined Gavin as a child, his little blond head playing with the camera all the time, fiddling with all the dials. 

 

“I found that I liked macro the best, even when I was little, and when I got older and found out about movie cameras I was just instantly drawn to it, right away. I think it’s kinda cool that I have these, it’s the very very beginning, before anything happened.” Gavin said, trailing his fingers over the pictures. 

 

“This one’s my mom,” Gavin said, pulling one picture out of it’s sleeve, a women with the same hair colour as Gavin smiling as she did the dishes by hand. Michael looked up at Gavin who was smiling at the picture, his eyes lighting up. “She hated having her picture taken.” 

 

Gavin shook his head as he put the picture back, chewing on his lip at the same time.

 

“You miss them,” Michael said, “you always say it’s fine, but you miss them.” 

 

Michael looked up at Gavin, who let his head rest back on the headboard. 

 

“Yeah, sometimes,” Gavin said, Michael sitting up and wrapping his arms around him. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Michael whispered into Gavin’s neck, Gavin pulling Michael closer. 

 

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault.” Gavin said. Michael pulled away, looking at Gavin, giving a faint smile. 

 

“We should go sometime,” Michael said, Gavin frowning at him. 

 

“To England? You would come?” Gavin said. 

 

“Yeah, of course, would you come to New York with me?” Michael asked. 

 

“Yeah,” Gavin said, knowing what Michael was saying. 

 

“Then I would go to England with you. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I would go tomorrow if you were going.” Michael said. 

 

“Then lets go.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Such a long chapter. 
> 
> I felt like last chapter was a little rushed and I'm sorry about that. Sometimes I get an idea and then write it fast and don't flesh it out and it just doesn't go well. I'm too eager. 
> 
> Hope this is okay. :) 
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos! You guys are amazing. <3 
> 
> RT - Akwrdcupcake  
> Tumblr - Othersideofdark


	18. Chapter 18

_“If I didn't kill it”_

 

“Yeah? You wanna go?” Michael said, tilting his head as he looked at Gavin. 

 

“Yeah, over the holidays, lets go to New York, and then go to England.” Gavin said to Michael. 

 

“Okay, we’ll go.” Michael got a flutter in his stomach as he thought about it. Bringing Gavin to his home would be weird but cool at the same time. What his family would think was another question, but Michael decided to think about it later rather than now. 

 

“Aren’t these mine?” Gavin asked as Michael moved to lay back down, the covers bunched up around his ankles now. Gavin was looking at Michael’s pj pants, smiling a bit. 

 

“Um, yeah,” Michael said as he recalled that first night that Gavin gave them to him to wear. He just kinda kept them, for no particular reason except that they reminded him of Gavin. 

 

“So those are your jeans that I couldn’t figure out who’s they were.” Gavin said, pointing at Michael as he shifted down into the covers. Michael let out a laugh as he talked. 

 

“Yeah, who else have you had over that would leave their jeans behind?” Michael kidded with Gavin as Gavin laid the book on his nightstand, drumming his fingers on it and smiling before turning his attention back to Michael. 

 

“I dunno,” Gavin said as Michael passed Gavin his glasses, the room going dark as Gavin turned around and snuggled back into Michael. 

 

“Thank you for sharing that with me,” Michael said into the darkness. 

 

“I never show anyone,” Gavin said, his head on Michael’s shoulder, “it’s weird to look back. It seems like such a long time ago, but it’s still my family. It doesn’t change, ever. I feel like I try and trick myself sometimes, into thinking that this here is my family, which it is, but it isn’t in reality. I dunno, I can’t explain it, I’m bad with words.” 

 

“No, I get it. Home is here, but family is there. It’s like if you decided to move back there, you would miss here too. It’s normal to miss places and people Gav, I miss my family sometimes too. Sometimes I just want my mom, it doesn’t go away just because you have a life somewhere else. Being lonely is just something that happens.” Michael turned to face Gavin in bed, tangling their legs along the way, his arm slung over Gavin’s side. 

 

“Why do you always get me Michael?” Gavin said, his fingers trailing on Michael’s chest as he listened to Michael. 

 

“It’s a special talent,” Michael said, moving his hand to Gavin’s, linking their fingers together, holding them in-between their chests. 

 

“You feel like home to me,” Gavin said then, rubbing his thumb on Michael’s hand. 

 

“Home is when we’re together,” Michael said, moving his head to Gavin’s, gently kissing him as he began to feel sleepy. Gavin breathed out as Michael moved away, closing his eyes and letting himself sleep. 

 

—

 

Michael sighed as he opened his eyes in the morning light. He was facing Gavin, the window behind Gavin casting a foggy light across the room. Michael could see each end of Gavin’s hair highlighted in the light, Gavin’s soft breathing filling the room. Michael looked him over, his features long and slim, his scruff dotting his jawline. His dirty blonde hair contrasted with his tan, eyelashes shifting as Gavin dreamed. Michael shifted under the covers as he looked at Gavin’s lips, the skin soft and pink looking, Michael’s eyes trailing down Gavin’s neck, over his shoulders to the soft skin of his arm that was on top of the comforter. Michael knew every curve and twist of Gavin, and he didn’t want to know anything else for the rest of his life. Gavin shifted as the room got lighter, snuggling his pillow as he breathed in, half frowning before he opened his eyes. 

 

Michael knew the definition of innocence as Gavin’s eyes connected with his, it was like Gavin was some sort of refreshing tidal wave to Michael. Gavin took away everything for Michael, every stress, every pain, every loss. Michael retraced each of his steps in the past month in his head, the stunning guilt hitting him in the stomach that he lied to someone like Gavin. Someone who he loved so much, Michael still felt the guilt of it push on him as Gavin looked at him. Michael broke the stare, looking down to the comforter. He felt Gavin move then, pulling Michael closer to him in bed. 

 

“I still think about it,” Michael said as Gavin wrapped his arms around him. 

 

Michael let the guilt come and go while Gavin was sick, feeling like he should do everything to try and fix it, but the wounds still existed. 

 

“It was just a mistake,” Gavin said, “we all make mistakes.” 

 

Michael sighed into Gavin, placing his hand on Gavin’s side, digging his nails in slightly. Gavin looked down to Michael, nudging his head up with his nose, kissing Michael.

 

“Don’t feel guilty about it, you looked after me after anyways, we’re still together, it doesn’t matter Michael,” Gavin said to Michael. Michael nodded his head, moving his lips across Gavin’s jaw, starting to suck on Gavin as he hit Gavin’s neck. Gavin could feel Michael press his tongue on his neck, a sloppy kiss placed before Michael would rapidly suck the blood to the surface, leaving a purple line on Gavin’s neck. Gavin shut his eyes as Michael ran his open mouth back up his neck, his skin tingling under Michael’s touch. 

 

“You’re such a pretty thing,” Michael said as he laid his head back on his pillow, smiling at Gavin. 

 

Gavin smiled back at Michael, keeping him close. “Nah,” he said to Michael. 

 

“Mhmm,” Michael said, moving back to Gavin’s lips. Michael shifted Gavin onto his back, running his hands up Gavin’s arms as Gavin’s hands held Michael’s sides, his thumbs rubbing circles. Michael looked down at Gavin, Gavin’s cheeks pink now, lips puffy from Michael kissing him. 

 

Michael fit with Gavin like a glove, slotting himself in-between Gavin’s legs as he leaned back down to Gavin, kissing under Gavin’s chin as Gavin rolled his head backwards for Michael. Michael ran his hands down Gavin’s sides, pulling down his pjs softly as Gavin lifted his hips, the fabric sliding away from him. Michael pushed his own pjs down as he nibbled on Gavin’s earlobe, the pjs getting balled up at the end of the bed. Michael broke his kisses as he grabbed the lube that was left on Gavin’s nightstand the day before, putting some on his fingers before placing two fingers on Gavin’s asshole, working into Gavin slowly. 

 

Gavin sighed at Michael’s touch, the gentle strokes making him feel warm and fuzzy inside. Michael returned to Gavin’s mouth with his own, softly kissing him. Gavin could feel the familiar knot growing in his abdomen, moaning into Michael’s mouth the longer Michael went. 

 

“Michael, please,” Gavin said through the kisses, the want for Michael to be in him growing. Michael smiled on Gavin’s lips, sliding his fingers out, raising his head for a condom. Gavin caught his arm as he reached for one though. 

 

“No, I wanna feel you, it’s fine,” Gavin said, bringing Michael’s hand back to where it had been resting on his shoulder. 

 

“Are you sure?” Michael said, feeling a little timid. 

 

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Gavin said as he passed Michael the bottle of lube. 

 

Michael lubed his already hard dick, lining himself up with Gavin, slowly pushing himself into him. Gavin moaned at the feeling, closing his eyes at the pressure and feeling of Michael inside of him. He looked up at Michael after a moment, who was adjusting to the feeling of Gavin’s asshole, that was tighter yet more comfortable than a girl was. Gavin put his hands on Michael’s biceps, tightening his asshole around Michael’s dick, watching as Michael gasped, his head falling forward, his mouth hanging open. 

 

“Gavin,” Michael said, looking up at Gavin as he let the pressure subside. 

 

“Michael?” Gavin said back, seeing Michael’s dilated pupils as he looked at Michael. 

 

Michael’s next sentence was muffled by a moan as Gavin clenched harder around Michael again, Michael’s body whining at the feeling. Michael let the breath he was holding in go as Gavin relaxed again. Michael shifted Gavin’s lower half then, willing his half-shaky body to start moving inside of Gavin, Michael whining with every pump into Gavin. Gavin tightened on Michael every time Michael was fully inside of him, until Gavin started moaning and loosing his control. Michael pumped into Gavin in all the right ways, until Gavin was shaking underneath Michael, his hands falling from Michael’s arms as he leaked across his stomach and the sheets. Gavin let out a tumble of moans at the same time, gasping as Michael came inside him, the heat rising up inside of him. Gavin turned to mush at the feeling of Michael cumming in him, the sensation weird yet all he wanted at the same time. 

 

The sound of Michael and Gavin breathing filled the room as Michael made eye contact with Gavin again, the sun shining through his iris, lighting up the colour as he blinked up at Michael. 

 

“It’s okay?” Michael asked, not really knowing where the words came from, considering his mind hadn’t felt this clouded over for a while. 

 

“Yeah,” Gavin breathed out, the feeling of being fucked slowly by Michael on a Saturday morning filling his mind up. Gavin didn’t know what to think be he did know that everything felt amazing right now, and Michael pulling out of him made him feel a little empty. Michael reattached himself to Gavin’s lips though, and Gavin closed his eyes at the feeling, everything warm and happy in this moment. Gavin held onto Michael’s face, smiling as Michael pulled away, but kept himself close to Gavin. 

 

“I love you,” Michael said. 

 

“I love you too.” 

 

“Everything’s going to be okay isn’t it?” Michael asked. 

 

“Everything will always work out between us, Michael,” Gavin said, placing tender kisses on Michael’s lips as he spoke. “I told you I found the one.” 

 

“You’re still so cheesy,” Michael said as he laughed against Gavin, not wanting it any other way. 

 

“Because you saying I’m pretty isn’t cheesy,” Gavin said, causing Michael to laugh harder, pushing himself up above Gavin. 

 

“True,” Michael said to Gavin, “ I guess we’re both cheesy then.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of writing/sucky writing. I'm super busy right now and it's making me push this back, but once the holidays are over it should go back to normal. I kinda wrote this because I just needed a bit of an escape/something relaxing to think about, and morning sex just kinda felt right. It's short, but I like it, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy about my two favourite boys. :)


	19. Chapter 19

_“Would you still say you needed me?”_

 

“Gavin!” Michael said as Gavin half splashed him in the face as they both sat in the bath together again. Michael felt Gavin giggle behind him, Gavin’s wet hands gently tapping Michael’s cheeks. 

 

“Stop!” Michael said, elbowing Gavin, hearing a soft ‘owf’ from Gavin, who stopped and instead wrapped his arms around Michael. The boys had been sat in the tub for probably over an hour, Gavin spooning Michael under the water, the lights on the lowest dimmer the could be in the bathroom. Michael laid his head back on Gavin’s shoulder, sighing at the feeling of Gavin underneath him. Michael’s curls tickled on Gavin’s neck, but Gavin didn’t mind, in fact he welcomed the feeling. Gavin closed his eyes and rubbed his cheek on Michael’s, softy humming in Michael’s ear. He turned his head more, placing gentle kisses along Michael’s cheekbone, smiling as Michael pushed into the feeling. Gavin opened his eyes as he felt Michael turn his head, looking down at Michael, smiling at him before attaching his lips to Michael’s. Michael sighed, a shiver going down his spine as the water got colder the more they sat there. Gavin pulled away from the kiss, placing one more on Michael’s cheek before addressing Michael’s shiver. 

 

“Wanna get out, love?” Gavin asked, shifting behind Michael. 

 

“Kinda, yeah,” Michael said, yet he didn’t want to leave the hour long cuddling either. 

 

“Mmm, okay,” Gavin said as he kissed Michael’s shoulder, shifting a minute later, sliding Michael across the bottom of the bathtub, the only noises in the room being the water moving against the side of the tub. Michael let out a whine as Gavin stood up though, stepping out across the bathmat, Michael hanging his arms and shoulders on the edge of the tub. His chin sat on the cold porcelain, eyes looking up at Gavin as Gavin wrapped himself in a towel, tucking it around his waist. 

 

“Come on,” Gavin said as he took one of Michael’s hands, helping Michael stand up and step out of the tub. Gavin grabbed a towel and passed it to Michael, who wrapped himself in it as Gavin pulled the plug. 

 

“It’s better when you dry me off,” Michael said as Gavin looked at him, the towel pulled up to his mouth as he spoke. 

 

“You’re so silly,” Gavin said, running his hands across Michael’s towel, drying off Michael underneath. That made Michael smile, kissing Gavin’s forehead in return. 

 

“Thanks Gavvy,” Michael said as Gavin stopped, smiling at Michael. 

 

“Wrists and then bed?” Gavin half asked, Michael rubbing his eye as he nodded. 

 

“You’ve been taking your inhaler right?” Michael asked as Gavin took his cut wrist in his hand, starting to re-bandage it. 

 

“Yep,” Gavin answered, not looking up at Michael. 

 

“Gavin,” Michael said with a serious tone, squinting at Gavin. 

 

“Okay, I forgot last night but that was the only one,” Gavin answered, pulling the tape across Michael’s wrist. Michael half shook his head as he watched, knowing Gavin was lying before to him. “I’ll remember tonight though,” Gavin said as he looked up and kissed Michael his temple, smiling as he went to put on his pjs. Michael shut off the light and followed Gavin, a chill running across his skin as he got dressed. 

 

Gavin stood beside the bed, scrolling on his phone as he took his inhaler, squinting his eyes at the end. Michael climbed into the bed, sighing as he looked up at his boyfriend, totally content in the moment. He watched as Gavin placed his inhaler on his nightstand, climbing into bed with his phone in one hand. Gavin bypassed laying down though, instead pushing the comforter back and straddling Michael, one leg on either side of his hips. 

 

“Mmmm,” Michael said as he placed his hands on Gavin’s hips, smiling as Gavin placed one of his hands on Michael’s side, adjusting his weight. 

 

“Lemme take your picture,” Gavin said, holding his phone up as he sat up on Michael. Michael covered his face with his hands then, trying to turn his head away. 

 

“Gaaaaav! Nooo,” Michael said as Gavin pulled on one of Michael’s hands, linking their fingers together. 

 

“Pleeeeease,” Gavin said, smiling down as Michael let his other hand fall, sighing at Gavin. 

 

“Fine,” Michael said, looking at Gavin. Gavin smiled and held up his phone, holding Michael’s hand against Michael’s chest as he took the picture, leaning down and kissing Michael afterwards. 

 

“You’re so handsome,” Gavin whispered into Michael’s ear, rolling over onto the mattress. Michael watched as Gavin fiddled on his phone, smiling as he went through his settings. Michael frowned, confused on what Gavin was doing. 

 

“Let me see your phone,” Gavin said a minute later to Michael. 

 

“Why?” Michael said, rolling over to get his own phone, hesitant to give it to Gavin. 

 

“You’ll see,” Gavin said as he took Michael’s phone out of his hands, sliding out of bed as he tapped through Michael’s phone, making Michael lean up on his elbows. Michael frowned as Gavin set Michael’s phone upside down on the footboard, looking back down at his phone in his hands. Gavin looked back at Michael, crawling back to Michael on the bed. 

 

“Can we tell everyone?” Gavin said, “No more hiding this?” 

 

Michael connected the dots in his head, knowing that Gavin wanted to post the picture he just took online, meaning that everyone would know. Literally the whole world. Michael looked down and took in a breath before he looked up at Gavin, sitting up and moving to him. Michael wrapped his arms around Gavin, pressing their lips together. Michael held Gavin close as he broke the kiss. 

 

“Yes,” Michael said, looking down and taking Gavin’s phone in his hand, the _Tweet_ button staring back at him, the tweet already written. Gavin pulled away from Michael, reaching out and shutting off the light, the glow of his phone being the only thing between him and Michael. 

 

“Wait, come lay down first,” Gavin said, tucking his legs under the covers and pulling Michael onto his chest. “Okay.” 

 

Michael could feel his heart beating hard as he just barely touched the screen, watching as the tweet loaded, his own phone at the end of the bed lighting up almost immediately. He felt Gavin pull the phone from his hand, locking it and putting it up on the headboard. Gavin had turned on the LED notification flashes, tagging Michael in his tweet so both phones would flash as people found out about Michael and Gavin being together. Michael leaned up to watch the light flicker, almost in awe of it. Gavin pulled Michael back down after a while, Michael looking down to see the light’s reflecting off Gavin’s eyes before their lips connected and Michael closed his eyes. 

 

“They’re all for you,” Gavin whispered against Michael’s lips as they parted for a second, causing Michael to smile down at Gavin. 

 

“They’re all for _us,”_ Michael said, bringing his hand up from Gavin’s chest to run his fingers across Gavin’s cheek. 

 

“Everybody knows now,” Gavin whispered, his eyes locking onto Michael’s. 

 

“Shhh, don’t panic,” Michael quietly shushed Gavin as he felt Gavin’s heartbeat pick up, his body shifting underneath Michael. Michael let his body shift onto Gavin’s more, his leg slipping in-between Gavin’s as Michael attached his lips to Gavin’s neck. 

 

“What if it’s bad, Michael?” Gavin said as Michael breathed him in. 

 

“Who cares if it’s bad,” Michael said, reaching down and linking his hands with Gavin’s, pulling them up to their shoulders as Michael pulled his head up to look at Gavin again. “Doesn’t mean they can take you away from me, does it?” 

 

Gavin chewed on his bottom lip before a smile crept along his face. 

 

“No, it doesn’t.” Gavin said. 

 

“Exactly, might mean my phone is clogged now though,” Michael said as he snuggled into Gavin, sighing on his chest. Gavin smiled and pulled the comforter up over them, making sure to hold onto Michael’s hand again afterwards. 

 

“I love you Michael,” Gavin said as he looked at the lit ceiling before he closed his eyes. 

 

“I love you too, Gavin,” Michael said in return, squeezing his hands in Gavin’s. 

 

—

 

Michael woke up to an empty bed, the faint noise of Gavin downstairs coming up the stairs and into the bedroom. Michael snuggled his pillow, sighing in the warmth of the bed. Michael knew it was Monday, but getting up was something he didn’t want to do. He felt like he was peeling himself off the mattress, sitting on the edge of the bed as he grabbed his phone that he been placed on his nightstand by a certain someone, reading that it was already eight-thirty. They were usually at work by nine, but that _clearly wasn’t happening today,_ Michael thought as he ran his hand through his hair, half stumbling down the stairs to Gavin. Michael watched as Gavin flipped a pancake, Taylor Swift of all people playing out across the kitchen. 

 

“Morning,” Michael said as he wandered up behind Gavin, wrapping his arms around Gavin’s waist. Gavin stopped whistling along to the song as he smiled down to Michael, turning and wrapping his arms around him. 

 

“Good morning,” Gavin said, smiling as Michael looked sleepy still. He couldn’t help get caught up in him though, “missed you.” 

 

Michael laughed into Gavin, wrapping his arms around Gavin’s neck as _This Love,_ decided to play across the kitchen, Gavin wrapping putting his hands on Michael’s hips, moving Michael to the song. 

 

“When you’re young, you just run, but you come back to what you need,” Gavin whispered to Michael as they slow danced across the tiles, Michael’s head on Gavin’s shoulder. Michael reached up and pushed his lips on Gavin’s, smiling as Gavin’s warmth radiated onto him. 

 

“Your pancakes are going to burn,” Michael whispered as they stood in the middle of the kitchen, nose to nose in the morning light. 

 

“I don’t care,” Gavin said, because he didn’t. This moment was perfect, and he didn’t want it to end, because between Michael’s bedhead and Gavin’s morning breath, something felt new. Something had switched, it had all changed when Michael and Gavin became open to everyone else. 

 

It became even more apparent that everything had changed when Gavin held Michael’s hand at work when they got there, walking through the office with their fingers laced together. There were shy smiles shared between the secretary and the boys, the animators looking up at the pair and then smiling as they looked back down at their computers. Between Michael and Gavin though, it was all hand squeezes as they walked and kisses on the corner’s of their mouths as they worked, a stolen piece of food at lunch and two emails for them to be on the podcast. 

 

“Come on!” Michael said as Gavin had somehow managed to pull his pants down before the podcast _again._

 

“What, you don’t like that?” Burnie said, chuckling as Gavin pulled up his pants and sat down as the countdown to live started. Michael rolled his eyes, smiling to Gavin as they all said hello. 

 

Gavin had a Redbull in his hand, the sugar making him all bouncy in his seat as they talked, the mixture of beer coming into play as the night went on. Gavin looked over and smiled at Michael as Gus read an ad, leaning across the couch to Michael, causing Michael to lean over too. 

 

“You look cute,” Gavin whispered, pecking Michael on the lips before sitting back up and looking normal, leaving Michael a little pink and flustered. Michael caught Burnie looking at the two of them over his glasses, his phone held in his hand, his eyes switching back and forth between the boys as Gus finished. 

 

“So I wanna talk about,” 

 

“No no, we have to talk about this,” Burnie interrupted Gus, pointing to the two boys with his phone in hand, “because _this_ comes more loaded than more people know about.”

 

“What?” Gavin said, smirking at Burnie from across the set. Michael raised his eyebrows to Burnie, setting a smile across his lips as well. 

 

“Oh don’t give me ‘what,’ you know what!” Burnie said, putting his hands down as Michael and Gavin looked at each other and giggled, Gus smiling at them, “you two hid it for so long!” 

 

“And then posted a picture in bed,” Gus pointed out, pulling the picture up on screen. Gavin laughed and looked at Michael, who took a swig of his beer and shrugged his shoulders. 

 

“We did pretty good, didn’t we Gav?” Michael said, holding up his hand as Gavin high-fived him. 

 

Burnie scoffed at the sight, “look at that, it’s atrocious, who’s bed is that?!” Burnie pointed to the picture, squinting in the lights, looking down afterwards and closing his eyes. 

 

“Okay, wait, lets start at the beginning so people get what we’re talking about, if they didn’t know somehow.” Burnie said. “You two, have been going out.” 

 

“Mhmm,” Michael said as Burnie pointed to them. Gavin nodded. 

 

“For how long?” Burnie asked. 

 

“What, two months?” Michael said to Gavin.

 

“Yeah, about that I’d say.” Gavin said. 

 

“Two fucking months,” Burnie said under his breath. 

 

“Two months?!” Gus suddenly piped up, “it’s been two months?!”

 

“Yeah, but the best part is like half the office knew but the other half didn’t so it was all hush hush,” Burnie said to Gus. 

 

“Wait, you knew?!” Gus said. 

 

“Yeah I knew like two weeks in cause this fucker disappeared and the skinny one fell asleep in Ray’s car after getting worked up about it!” 

 

“Dude, there’s a story behind that, just so you know, it was all Geoff’s fault.” Michael piped up, smiling at Burnie’s annoyance. 

 

“I don’t care who’s fault it was, I had to deal with it, and then _Geoff_ told me not to tell anyone, and then you two just willy-nilly tell the whole world, and decide to be all cutesy during an ad read!” 

 

“Wait wait,” Gavin said then, holding his hands up, “you can’t be mad about it to us, we never said you couldn’t say anything.” 

 

Burnie huffed into the microphone, sinking into his chair. 

 

“Next time I’m not going to hold in a secret, trust me this whole office will know next time someone tells me something.” 

 

“I just like how he’s all mad about nothing,” Gavin said, looking at Michael. 

 

“Yeah I know eh, he should feel privileged he knew.” Michael said. 

 

“Yeah well, thanks for letting me know,” Gus said sarcastically as Burnie sat back up in his chair. 

 

“You know what, it’s fine, because I saw Gavin in a way I’ve never seen him before.” Burnie said. 

 

“Oh yeah? What was that?” Gavin said, sipping his beer. 

 

“In Ray’s pjs.” Gavin almost chocked on his beer, forgetting that he had ended up in Ray’s pjs somehow, and Burnie and Ray were the only two with that information. 

 

“Oh, so Ray hasn’t told you?” Burnie said as Gavin felt a blush creep up his neck. “Good, cause that means I have vindication. Let me tell you two things, Gavin gets heavy after three flights of stairs, and he’s a fucking pain when he wants to be left alone. I swear it sounded like Ray and I were killing you in his apartment.” 

 

Michael laughed as Gavin put his hands over his eyes, groaning into the mic. 

 

“I don’t even remember,” Gavin mumbled out as he looked up. 

 

“Yep, screamed his head off just so we could get him in some pjs.” 

 

Michael laughed a bit as he imagined the fuss, until he realized that he had witnessed the same thing. When Gavin ran away he screamed too when Michael tried to touch him, maybe it wasn’t so uncommon as Burnie thought. Michael pushed the thought away though, laughing when Gavin jumped on him at the end, grossing Burnie and Gus out. 

 

“Ugh, get a room,” Burnie said as he stood up, the feeling of Gavin laughing radiating through Michael as they were chest to chest. 

 

“Home?” Michael said as Gavin slowed down, looking down at Michael. 

 

“Mhmm,” Gavin said as he nodded, climbing off of Michael, sitting on the edge of the couch. Michael looked at Gavin as he scooted closer to him, lacing their hands together. 

 

“Love you,” Michael said quietly to Gavin. 

 

“Love you too,” Gavin said as he placed a kiss on Michael’s forehead before standing up with Michael following. They packed their stuff and were on their way home before they even knew it. 

 

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Michael piped up part way through the drive. 

 

“Yeah, of course,” Gavin said, turning to look at Michael. 

 

“Uh, I just wanna know if you always scream when you’re upset?” Michael asked, unsure if it was a touchy subject or not. Gavin thought for a minute before answering. 

 

“It’s uncontrollable, I don’t know where it comes from.” Gavin said, fiddling his fingers in his lap. Michael nodded his head for Gavin to continue, hoping he was’t pushing a boundary. “I’ve just always been like that, I don’t know what it is or where it comes from, I just get upset and then I don’t want to be touched, and I guess as a kid screaming would make people go away so it just stuck, and it still happens. But it’s only when I’m really upset, like, hysterical-upset.” 

 

Michael frowned as he thought about it, how Geoff said Gavin would push away, Michael never thought of it literally. 

 

“Oh,” was all Michael managed to say, a silence left between the two boys as Michael pulled into Gavin’s driveway. 

 

Gavin wrapped his arms around Michael as they walked in the front door, nuzzling his nose into Michael’s neck. 

 

“Look, if it happens again just, don’t leave me, let me calm down and then it’ll be okay,” Gavin said, squeezing Michael, “I promise I’ll be okay.” 

 

Michael turned in Gavin’s arms, giving a half-worried smile, pressing his lips on Gavin’s. 

 

“Okay, I trust you when you say that.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 things
> 
> 1\. If you have me as a friend on the RT site you already knew one AU in this chapter, I semi spoiled it, sorry. 
> 
> 2\. Burnie is a really fun character to write. lol
> 
> roosterteeth.com/akwrdcupcake  
> othersideofdark.tumblr.com


	20. Chapter 20

_ "Guess I walked right into it" _

 

Michael laughed as Gavin ran around the parking lot with his tongue stuck out, trying to catch the snowflakes in his mouth. 

 

“My goodness don’t get hit by a car Gav,” Michael said as Gavin got dizzy, almost tripping on a curb. 

 

“Michael, the snow is so pretty,” Gavin said, smiling as he looked at Michael. 

 

Michael internally sighed as Gavin smiled at him, his cheeks a tinge of pink from the cold. They had just exited the airport in New York, and even though Michael knew Gavin had seen snow numerous times, Gavin still found it great. It was two weeks before actual Christmas, but Michael’s mom said it was fine for the two boys to come early, probably even more delighted to know that Michael was bringing someone along. Michael didn’t outright tell her that the guy he was bringing was his boyfriend, but Michael figured that was better to say in person than over the phone. Gavin snapped Michael out of his thoughts by wrapping his mitted hand around Michael’s, bumping into his shoulder while his luggage bumped behind him. 

 

“Where’s the car?” Gavin asked, scanning the parking lot like a mere-cat. Michael looked around too, pointing when he saw the familiar family vehicle. 

 

“Over there,” Michael said at the same time, tugging Gavin along beside him. “Mom!” 

 

“Michael! My baby boy!” Michael’s mom said as Michael let go of Gavin’s hand and jogged to his mom, hugging her when he reached her. Michael’s mom grabbed his face and kissed him on both his cheeks, her lipstick leaving marks. Michael squirmed at the affection, yet still smiled at it. 

 

“Oh, you must be Gavin,” Michael’s mom turned to Gavin next, pulling him down into a hug with kisses on the cheeks too. Michael was wiping his face off with the back of his hand as he watched Gavin turn red as Michael’s mom held his face and looked him over. “Oh you boys are so strapping,” she said as she turned around and looked at Michael. 

 

Michael let out a laugh as he put his luggage in the trunk of his moms car, grabbing Gavin’s after while Gavin stood there being a little flustered. 

 

“Come on, Gav,” Michael said as he pulled open the passenger door, watching as Gavin shook his head and climbed in the back. Michael let his mind wander as he watched the familiar streets pass by, the lights bright in the dark. Michael smiled as he thought about the past couple of weeks, and sure, there were rough spots. Meg had tried to eat lunch with them one day, and that night Michael found Gavin huddled on the bathroom floor, crying because under the table Meg had her hand on his thigh, rubbing her thumb uncomfortably close to Gavin, yet Gavin never said anything. Michael sat on the edge of the bathtub as Gavin cried, sobbing when Michael walked up to him with a blanket, barely getting any air through the tears, but Michael sat and waited, until Gavin quieted down, taking him to the bed, trying to keep Gavin calm as he whimpered in Michael’s arms. 

 

Fighting through the throngs of comments was easier, because Michael just had to continually remind Gavin that they were strangers, they didn’t know them, they shouldn’t change anything. It got better as they got used to everyone knowing, and the fact that everyone in the office eventually stopped looking at them, even in a, “how sweet that their together,” type way. Life pretty much went back to normal, just with more kisses between the boys. 

 

“So, have you ever been to New York Gavin?” Michael’s mom spoke up in the silence. 

 

“Um, no, I haven’t,” Gavin said a little shyly. 

 

“You should take him around Michael,” Michael’s mom said after. 

 

“Yeah, I’ll take him out,” Michael said, turning and smiling to Gavin, who let out a sheepish smile from the back seat. 

 

“Mhmm,” Michael’s mom said as she turned the car into a driveway to a quaint house, smiling to herself. 

 

Michael could hear his brothers inside as he stepped out of the car, Gavin looking up to the house as a particularly loud voice came out from behind the front window. 

 

“Runs in the family, I guess,” Michael said to Gavin as he moved to the back of the car again, pulling out his stuff. Gavin took his own bag, following Michael and his mom up to the house, footsteps padding along the floor as the front door opened. 

 

“Michael!” the two older brothers said at the same time as they rounded the corner, picking Michael up in a tag-team hug, Michael smiling and laughing as he dropped his luggage on the foyer floor. Gavin stood in the doorway, Michael’s mom touching his arm to get him to come inside. 

 

“Shut the door sweetie, it’s cold here,” she said, smiling to him. 

 

“Hi Michael,” Michael’s dad said, leaning on the doorframe behind everyone, Michael walking up to him and hugging him as well. Gavin watched the interaction before he was interrupted, the two brothers suddenly turning to him. 

 

“Hey you must be Gavin! Mom told us you were coming!” The two spoke over each other, “Come inside! It’s okay!” they said as the pulled on Gavin’s jacket, Gavin barely getting his shoes off as he was pulled into the living room to his right, luggage and jacket left strewn on the floor. Michael’s brothers are taller than Michael is, and easily pulled Gavin onto the couch like they knew him for years. Gavin looked up as Michael walked in with his parents, smiling and shoving one of his brothers to the side, sitting in-between him and Gavin. 

 

“This is John, and this is Matt,” Michael said, pointing to each brother on either side of Gavin and himself. “And hopefully they won’t be too much of a bother this week,” Michael said, raising an eyebrow to Matt, who had a grin on his face. 

 

“Please, our little brother is home, we have to tease him,” Matt said, slinging his arm around Michael’s neck, pulling him down into his lap as Michael struggled to be set free. 

 

“Boys, please,” Michael’s mom said as Michael started to get a grip on his brother, pulling his arm away to pounce on him. Michael looked up when his mom spoke though, “Take a picture before someone gets a black eye, please.” 

 

Michael and his brother sat up, eying each other as their mother held up her phone to take a picture of them all. Gavin could feel Michael press up against him as the picture was taken, Michael smiling at him afterwards. 

 

“Mom, will you text it to me, I wanna see it!” John said as he pulled out his phone, waiting for his mom. 

 

“I’ll send it to all of you, don’t worry,” Michael’s mom said as she sat back down. Michael showed Gavin the picture when he got it, Gavin noting how alike Michael and his brothers looked. Sure Michael was the smallest, but the curls were the same, as well as the freckles and smiles. Gavin was definitely the odd one out, but it didn’t seem that anyone cared, it was just accepted. Gavin looked over to Michael’s father, noting the same features in him, while their mother had straight hair, but shared the skin tone and eye colour of the family. 

 

Gavin was thankful when the end of the night came, his eyes feeling sleepy, half from the flight and half from keeping up with the Jones’ boys. Gavin followed Michael downstairs as the other family members said goodnight and headed upstairs. 

 

“I kinda ended up in the dungeon cause I didn’t wanna share with one of my brothers, so it’s a little dark, but it’s cool.” Michael said, shrugging his shoulders as he plopped his suitcase on his old bed in the basement. “Now, I know my mom set up the spare bedroom just down the hall, because you know, no one else knows yet, but I really wanna cuddle so squeeze in my bed first.” 

 

“Okay,” Gavin said as he opened his suitcase on the floor, sliding out of his jeans and into his pjs. He briefly looked around the room, the posters and collections of games and movies looking like they hadn’t been touched since Michael left. Gavin heard Michael crawl under his covers, making Gavin look down and squeeze in with Michael. 

 

“It’s not as nice as a king is it?” Michael said as he wrapped his legs in with Gavin’s on the twin size mattress. 

 

“No, but it doesn’t matter, because you’re in it so,” Gavin said, smiling down at Michael who smiled back and pressed his lips to Gavin’s. 

 

“My families so loud, sorry about that,” Michael said next as he pulled away, cuddling his covers. 

 

“Don’t worry about it, it’s just family,” Gavin said, shrugging his shoulders. 

 

“I guess so,” Michael said as he yawned, snuggling down into Gavin’s chest. “Mmm, I love you.” 

 

Gavin wrapped Michael up in his arms, playing with Michael’s curls in his hands. “I love you too,” Gavin whispered as he heard Michael’s breathing get heavy, his limbs going limp in Gavin’s touch. Gavin pressed his lips to Michael’s forehead before untangling himself from Michael, tucking him in and leaving Michael to sleep as he shut off the light and wandered to the spare bedroom. It felt weird sleeping without Michael next to him, but he knew Michael was just down the hall, so Gavin let his eyes slowly shut, even in the unfamiliar room. He barely even woke when Michael came in the next morning, his eyes and brain heavy with sleep. 

 

“Mmmm,” Gavin groaned as Michael knelt on the bed and brushed his hand through Gavin’s hair. 

 

“It’s time to get up sweetie, breakfast is almost ready,” Michael said softly. Gavin let his eyes open and look up to Michael, his body craving more sleep, preferably with Michael. 

 

“Come sleep more,” Gavin mumbled, Michael sighing as he sat back on his feet. 

 

“I wish we could, but I wanna take you out, come on,” Michael said, gently pulling the covers away from Gavin. Gavin groaned again as he cuddled his pillow, shutting his eyes one last time before leaning up on his elbows. 

 

“You’re a pain,” Gavin said as he looked at Michael, who leaned down and kissed Gavin’s temple. 

 

“So are you,” Michael whispered in Gavin’s ear before he slid off the mattress, pulling Gavin along with him. Gavin pulled down his t-shirt and ruffled his hair as he followed Michael upstairs, Michael leading him through the kitchen to the dining room, that was in-between the kitchen and living room. It seemed everyone else had already made it to the table, Michael and Gavin squeezing in on the far side of the table. 

 

“Are you two going to go out today?” Michael’s mom asked as everyone ate, her eyes looking at Michael for an answer. 

 

“Yeah, I’m gunna take the car if that’s okay?” Michael asked, his eyes flicking from his moms to his dads. 

 

“Yeah, it’s fine,” his dad finally said after a moment, making Gavin feel a little uneasy but it didn’t seem to bother Michael at all. He just continued eating, piping up in whatever conversation came about. Before Gavin knew it though, Michael and himself were walking out the front door, leaving the slightly jarring family behind. Gavin’s breath puffed into the cold air as they got in the car, Michael turning on the heater as they drove away. Gavin placed his hand on Michael’s when Michael put it on the shifter, Gavin threading his fingers in with Michael’s. 

 

“I love you,” Gavin said as Michael drove, seeing Michael smile from the drivers seat. 

 

“I love you too Gav,” Michael said as he pulled up to a red light, “it was weird not having you in bed last night.” 

 

“I know, my snuggle was missing,” Gavin said, looking up at the buildings in the city through the window. “Where are we going?” 

 

“No spoilers!” Michael said as he turned down a busy road. He eventually pulled into an underground parking, pulling a stub for all day. 

 

“We’ll walk, it’s better to see the city that way,” Michael said as he found a parking spot, knowing he had driven into a pretty central part of the city, access to a lot of cool things was from here. 

 

“Okay,” Gavin said, letting his hand slip from Michael’s as he got out of the car. Michael lead Gavin out onto the sidewalk, pulling him along by his hand as Gavin looked around, because New York was a pretty busy place. Michael smiled as Gavin looked up, squinting as snow started gently falling on the two of them. Michael shivered as the wind blew around a corner, pulling his collar up more to keep out the cold. 

 

“I’m not used to the cold anymore,” Michael said to Gavin, who was looking at all the shop windows that they walked past. 

 

“No? I’m still okay,” Gavin said in return, looking down at Michael’s pink cheeks. 

 

“I think you’re just excited,” Michael said with a wink and a smile, Gavin softly laughing as he swung Michael’s arm beside him. 

 

“Mmm, lets go in here,” Michael said as they reached a gorgeous old building, Gavin’s eye being drawn up the huge columns as they walked up the front steps. 

 

“Woah,” Gavin said as they entered the building, the inside just as grand as the outside. 

 

“Yeah, welcome to the New York Library,” Michael said, taking in the sight for himself. “Come on, this place is huge, but pretty cool too,” Michael tugged Gavin gently to the right, walking up the stairs to wander around the countless stacks of books. Sure maybe Gavin didn’t love to read, and neither did Michael, but Michael did always like spending time in the library when he lived at home. There was something that was comforting about it, a simplicity and calm, and Michael felt that again with Gavin’s hand in his as they walked. Michael could feel Gavin’s hand tense in his as they walked to the end of a row, meeting a railing that looked out across a study section. Gavin looked out at the tables, then up to more rows above them, and finally down to Michael who was leaning on the railing looking down. Gavin gently tugged on Michael’s hand to get him to look up, and before Michael knew it he was being softly kissed and held in Gavin’s arms. Gavin kept it short and sweet, opting to cuddle Michael in his arms because that felt a little less private than kissing was. Michael sighed as he put his head on Gavin’s shoulder, the rough feeling of Gavin’s jacket on his cheek. 

 

“This is pretty cool,” Gavin said as he continued looking out at the library, still a little taken aback that something like this was in the midst of the city. 

 

“I know right?” Michael said as he lifted his head and took Gavin’s hand again, “it’s cool but there’s other places I want to take you too, so come on.” 

 

Michael took Gavin back outside, suddenly feeling a little more energetic as he smiled to Gavin and took him down the street more. He knew he was getting closer to where he wanted to be when it got busier and he could hear people laughing. 

 

“Michael,” Gavin said as they moved past a rather congested area of people, Gavin suddenly realizing what Michael was wanting to do. 

 

“What? It’ll be fun,” Michael said as he dragged Gavin up to a counter. Gavin heard Michael ask the man on the other side for two pair’s of size tens. 

 

Gavin rolled his eyes as he followed Michael to a bench, sitting down on it. 

 

“Hey, I take baths with you, so you can go skating with me.” Michael said with a smile on his face. Gavin huffed as he took the pair of skates from Michael, not even mentioning that Michael knew his shoe size. 

 

“I haven’t skated in so long,” Gavin mumbled as he pulled on his laces, making Michael look at him. 

 

“Hey,” Michael said, turning to Gavin, “I love you.” Gavin sighed at the words, the feeling of Michael kissing his cheek took the slight tone from Gavin. 

 

Teetering on two thin metal blades on ice did not feel right though. 

 

Sure Gavin had skated before, but it really had been a long time, and trying to find his legs was not easy for him. 

 

“Just go slow,” Michael said as he stood infront of Gavin, somehow retaining how to skate, even though it had also been a long time for Michael. Michael skated backwards as Gavin started to skate, one hand on the edge of the rink, the other seemingly braced for when he would fall. Which he wasn’t surprised at all when it happened, his feet slipping out from under him as he fell backwards, his ass and tailbone taking the brunt of the fall. Michael tried to keep the smile off his face as Gavin huffed and took Michael’s hand to stand up again, but Gavin still caught Michael with a grin on his face. 

 

“No laughing, I never do this!” Gavin said, which made Michael’s smile grow. 

 

“I’m sorry, I won’t laugh,” Michael said, recomposing himself. “Just try again.” 

 

Three falls later and it seemed Gavin was finally gaining some coordination as he skated next to Michael. 

 

“It’s kinda cool to skate in the city isn’t it?” Michael said to Gavin as Michael looked around. 

 

“Yeah, kinda weird at the same time. Hearing cars and stuff instead of just quiet,” Gavin thought about it, how every other time he skated it was either inside or at some quiet park back home. “Are you cold Michael?” 

 

“I’m alright, but my feet are starting to ache,” Michael said as he looked at Gavin, who gave him a crooked smile, because frankly now Gavin was starting to get cold. 

 

“My butt hurts, but my feet are fine.” Gavin said. 

 

“That’s because you’ve skated more on your ass than your feet,” Michael said with a laugh, starting to skate to the edge of the rink, almost tripping as he hit solid ground. 

 

“Now I can’t walk,” Michael said as he looked at Gavin, who seemed relieved to be on normal ground. 

 

“I can’t skate, you can’t walk, what a pair we are,” Gavin said with a smile. 

 

Michael looked at Gavin as he sat down to take off his skates, Gavin’s nose red from the cold, making him look totally adorable. Michael couldn’t figure out how he found himself skating with Gavin in New York, but he didn’t mind it at all. He didn’t mind when they got hot chocolate together in a quaint coffee shop, or stayed out to see Times Square at night. Getting home late to Michael’s family didn’t bother him, because today was really, _really,_ lovely. Michael kissed Gavin goodnight when Gavin started yawning before everyone else, playing off that he just had to go to the bathroom to the rest of his family, but instead followed Gavin downstairs to tuck him in. 

 

“The bathroom is upstairs, you know,” Michael’s mom startled him as he reached the top of the stairs, leaning on the doorway to the kitchen. 

 

“Urm, I just, uh,” Michael stammered infront of his mom, his heart beating hard as he knew he was caught, and he really didn’t know how anyone was going to take it. When his mom smiled though, it surprised him. 

 

“Oh Michael, it’s okay,” she said, reaching out and pulling him into her arms. “Michael, you don’t have to hide your feelings from us, we’ll always accept you.” 

 

“How did you know?” Michael leaned back and asked. 

 

“Please, I knew from the minute you walked up to me at the airport, I know my little boy well enough to know when he has a twinkle in his eye.” Michael blushed at the words, turning out of his moms arms and looking down at the ground. 

 

“Well, yeah, I guess so,” Michael said, trying not to be embarrassed. “You’re not ashamed?” 

 

“No, none of us are, it’s fine. You choose who you choose, it’s your life. We won’t stop you from living it.” 

 

“Thanks mom,” Michael said quietly after a moment of digesting the words. Michael smiled up at her, scratching the back of his head at the same time. “I, think I’m gunna go to bed too actually.” 

 

“Go ahead, I love you sweetie,” Michael heard his mom say, pulling him in for one last hug with a kiss on his cheek before she let go. 

 

“I love you too mom,” Michael said with a smile. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "and they said welcome to New York." 
> 
> (what was the end of this chapter it sorta fell apart im sorry guys i suck butt)


	21. Chapter 21

_“_ _Guess I made it too easy”_

 

“Mmm, what are you doing?” Gavin said with sleep dripping from every syllable as Michael quietly crawled into the spare bed with him. 

 

“Sleeping with you,” Michael said, Gavin sighing as Michael’s body pressed up against his. 

 

“But your family,” Gavin sloppily said. 

 

“It’s okay, they know,” Michael whispered as his hands touched Gavin’s head, his thumbs rubbing gently across his scalp. Gavin shivered under the touch. 

 

“Mmmm, it’s okay?” Gavin spoke. 

 

“Yeah, shhhhh,” Michael said quietly, the sound of Gavin’s breathing filling the room in the silence. Michael’s hands felt so good to Gavin, the relaxing tingles falling down his spine from each of Michael’s fingers. Gavin could feel himself falling in and out of sleep more and more, until he felt Michael shift next to him, rolling over and pressing his back into Gavin. Gavin wrapped his arm around Michael, slipping into sleep faster than he could count to ten. 

 

“Shhhhhh, Matt be quiet!” Gavin frowned at movement near him in his sleep, but kept his eyes shut as the room quieted again. 

 

The sound of a giggle disturbed Gavin next, causing him to shift in bed, moving until he made contact with Michael who was fast asleep facing away from him. Gavin lifted his head and opened his eyes at _that_ sound though. 

 

Both brothers gasped at Gavin sitting up and squinting at them, moving away from the doorway, camera in hand. Gavin could hear them giggling on the other side of the wall, Gavin contemplating going after them as Michael moved next to him. 

 

“Just let them go,” Michael mumbled as he rolled over and touched Gavin’s arm, “it’s just some pictures.” 

 

Gavin took one last look at the door before he pulled the covers back up as he laid back down, cuddling up to Michael. Gavin kept his eyes open though, even though Michael’s breathing signalled that Michael had fallen back asleep. Gavin eyed the brothers when they peeked around the door a few minutes later, making them both move away, the sound of feet on the stairs letting Gavin relax back into Michael. 

 

Gavin felt Michael move in his arms, letting out a gentle sigh as Michael started to wake up half an hour later. 

 

“Hey,” Gavin said as he let Michael roll onto his back, stretching his arms up out of the covers. 

 

“Good morning,” Michael hummed, sliding his arms around Gavin’s neck, pressing his lips to Gavin’s. Michael’s lips were warm on Gavin’s, the soft kissing noises echoing around the room as Michael pulled away and then immediately moved back. Michael trailed his kisses down Gavin’s neck, Gavin purring like a kitten in the dim light of the morning. 

 

“What’s with the picture taking?” Gavin asked as Michael cuddled him. 

 

“Matt’s a photographer, honestly it wouldn’t surprise me if he was still hiding somewhere, he’s been doing it for years to our family.” Michael smiled as he thought about all the times he woke up to a camera shutter, annoyed by his brother at the time, but now he didn’t really care. “The worst part is that the pictures are usually really good too, it’s unfair that his art is so annoying yet pretty at the same time.” 

 

Gavin was still mildly confused about it, but he kinda got what he meant at the same time. Art is something that’s subjective, and if pictures of people sleeping was what you liked, then, I guess that’s what you liked.  

 

“Mmm, I’m hungry,” Michael said, looking up at Gavin. 

 

“But, bed,” Gavin said as Michael started to move away and get up. 

 

“Bed will always be here,” Michael said as he stood up, Gavin sitting up and watching as Michael ruffled his hair and moved to the doorway, turning to see if Gavin was coming. 

 

“Okay,” Gavin said with a little bit of a huff, climbing out of the warm covers, taking Michael’s hand in his as they walked up the stairs. Hearing a shuffling noise behind him caused Gavin to turn his head just in time to see a shadow cross the hallway. _Bastard,_ Gavin thought, knowing that Matt _had_ been hiding the whole time and that John was the only one who went upstairs earlier. Gavin shook his head as he continued up the stairs after Michael. 

 

Everyone seemed pretty lighthearted as each of the boys hung around the house, not bothering with comments when Michael and Gavin practically sat on top each other as all four boys played games together, until Matt got up and said he had to go out, leaving the three to play until dinner time. Dinner came and went, as well as the rest of the week, and Michael felt like he was leaving just as fast as he got there. Gavin had knots in his stomach about going to England, feeling a little shaky as he packed for the flight. 

 

“Hey,” Gavin jumped at the sound of Matt walking up behind him, leaning on the wall as he started to talk, “oh, I didn’t mean to startle you, I just wanted to give you these.” 

 

Gavin frowned as he took the stack of pictures from Matt, his eyes scanning the glossy prints of him and Michael sleeping in bed. He flipped through, watching as the pictures turned into them kissing, the light from the window backlighting the scene perfectly. 

 

“If you don’t like them then you don’t have to take them, it’s cool.” 

 

“No, they’re perfect, they’re amazing,” Gavin said as he stared at one picture in particular, a mix of Michael’s curls and Gavin’s skin and the blankets and just everything was perfect. 

 

“Yeah, I wish I could do an entire show on moments between you two, you fit my brother perfectly. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so, just, lit up. But anyways, let me know if you want any blown up, I could do it for you.” Matt said as he shrugged his shoulders and turned to walk away. 

 

“Thank you,” Gavin said quickly before Matt could walk away. 

 

“Don’t worry about it, just take care of my brother.”  

 

And with that, Matt was gone, New York was gone, and Gavin was facing his parents home. 

 

He was sat in the back seat of his sisters car, Livvy’s car, Michael dozing off beside him as the streetlights passed one by one. 

 

“Michael,” Gavin said softly, reaching out and touching Michael’s knee, “take this.” 

 

“Okay?” Michael whispered back to Gavin as he took the envelope from Gavin, tucking it in his jacket pocket as they pulled into a driveway. 

 

Gavin’s family was considerably quieter than Michael’s, a quaint little house in a small community. Gavin’s sister helped the two boys inside, Gavin’s parents meeting them at the door. 

 

“Hi, I’m Michael,” Michael said as he shook each of their hands, taking in the house afterwards. Gavin hugged both his parents, holding onto his mother a little longer than his father. 

 

“Come on, lets sit down,” Gavin’s sister said, moving everyone up a set of stairs into the living room on the right of the raised bungalow. Michael felt a little uneasy as he sat with the family, Gavin’s father not really seeming to be in the mood to talk to anyone. Michael could feel his eyes on him, and that made Michael feel a little self conscious. He tried to focus on what Gavin’s mother was talking about and asking about, but it was difficult to keep the feeling of being judged out of his brain, which was odd because Michael never cared about something like that. _Was it because it was Gavin’s parents? Was he afraid of making a bad impression?_ The comments were rolling around in his brain, and when Gavin’s father started speaking, it made Michael jolt in his seat. 

 

“How’s that lovely girl you’re dating doing, Gavin?” Gavin’s father asked, causing Michael to look over at him, but Michael dropped his eyes as soon as he made eye-contact. Gavin’s father made Michael’s stomach flip flop, in all the wrong ways, and Michael didn’t like it. 

 

“Erm, she’s good, but we broke up a while ago,” Gavin said, shrugging his shoulders and trying to conceal his nerves. 

 

“I know,” Gavin’s dad said next, which sunk, very deep under Michael’s skin. The tone that came with the two words was not kind, and Michael slowly felt the conversation unravelling. 

 

“Oh,” was all Gavin could get out before his father started speaking again. 

 

“I don’t _mean_ to make this complicated right out of the gate, but we got a call, Gavin, and it really wasn’t the call we wanted.” 

 

Michael’s heart felt like it was going to fall out of his chest, or his head was going to explode at the sudden turn of events, and at the attitude that was starting to leak out across the entire room from Gavin’s father. 

 

“We got a call from that cute little girl, she was so sweet Gavin, I don’t understand how you could give that up for, for another _man._ You always made us think you were straight, but all along you were gay, and you didn’t even call to tell us. When were you going to say? Never? Because one day you would have to tell us, and to think you even had the nerve to bring _him_ with you. We know you’re with Michael, you don’t have to hide it, but we do have to fix it.” 

 

Gavin’s head snapped up from his position of staring at his lap as his father spoke to him like no one else was in the room. Maybe Gavin knew that his father was a little set in his ways and wouldn’t like it, but him saying they have to _fix it?_ Gavin didn’t want to think about what that meant. 

 

“What?” Gavin said as his father stood up from his chair. 

 

“I don’t want my son to be gay, and I’m sorry but I’m going to have to ask you to leave, Michael.” 

 

“Woah woah, hold on a second, wouldn’t you rather me be happy? You can’t just kick my boyfriend out just because you don’t like it, you barely know him!” Michael watched as Gavin’s voice raised as he stood up, like Michael had never seen before. “How could you do that?! If he goes than I go, you can’t do something like that!” 

 

“Oh no, this is my household you’re under, and you won’t talk to me like that, he is going and you are going to stay and it’ll be a nice family Christmas like always. You’ll find a girl, don’t worry.” 

 

Michael watched as Gavin’s body physically backed down from his father, his mouth gaping as he searched for the right words to find, even though there weren’t any. Michael’s head felt like exploding at the opposition, but he found the strength to stand up facing Gavin. He reached out and touched Gavin’s arm, making Gavin look down at him. 

 

“I’ll go, it’s okay.” Michael said softly, his voice a little shaky. 

 

“No, Michael you don’t have to,” Gavin started. 

 

_“Gavin,”_ Michael said, looking Gavin in the eye. Michael saw as Gavin’s lower lip trembled, and Michael let his hand run down Gavin’s arm before he turned away, Gavin’s sister getting up and following him. Michael somehow knew that it was better if he didn’t try and push Gavin’s father, he knew it was better to go, even though he could feel Gavin’s anxiety rising up out of him. Michael turned and faced Gavin at the top of the stairs, pulling Gavin to his mouth, soaking up every little bit that he could, until he pulled away and started walking down the stairs. 

 

“Michael!” Gavin all but screamed from the railing at the top of the stairs, the tears starting to fall. 

 

“I’ll see you at home, it’ll be okay,” Michael said as he looked up at Gavin from putting his shoes on, “it’ll only be a week, we’re accepted at home, unlike _here_.” Michael said the last part to Gavin’s father who was standing beside Gavin, all but blocking Gavin from running down to follow Michael outside. “I love you Gavin, just remember that,” Michael said as he turned and followed Gavin’s sister back outside, his own tears starting to sting his eyes. Michael could hear Gavin scream one last ‘I love you’ to him as the door shut, the silence deafening around him.

 

“I’m sorry about that,” Livvy said as Michael sat in the car next to her, “you don’t have to go back right this moment, you can crash at mine.” 

 

“Thanks,” Michael said almost inaudibly as his tears started to fall down his face. He let them fall, because what just happened was awful and so unexpected to him, that he couldn’t hold them in. He couldn’t focus on how quickly he had been kicked out, he couldn’t believe the past few hours of him feeling uneasy were all right. His uncomfortableness was because he subconsciously knew somehow that he wasn’t going to be spending the night. 

 

“Our dad’s not the best,” Michael heard Livvy say, “he can be so awful to people he doesn’t like.” 

 

Michael could hear the disgust in her voice, almost like he was listening in to her private thoughts that had just come out without a filter. Michael kept quiet until they pulled up to her house, Michael wiping his eyes as she unlocked the door and let him in. 

 

“What’s mine is yours, okay?” Livvy said as she picked up a kleenex box and passed it to Michael, “whatever you need, just take it, I don’t mind if you go through my cupboards or whatever, it doesn’t matter. You poor thing.” 

 

Michael felt as Livvy touched him arm and looked at him, a frown etched on her face. 

 

“Did you know?” Michael found the urge to ask, noting the similarities between her and Gavin. Same hair colour, that same naturally tanned skin, the same slim build.  

 

“Yeah, kinda, I knew my dad wasn’t happy about it, but I didn’t realize he would say what he did. I’ve seen him kick my brothers friends out before, so I can’t say that I knew I would have company, but the spare room is made up for you.” Michael let out a small smile at Livvy, because she had that same sweetness that Gavin had underneath his humour. Michael fiddled with the kleenex box in his hands as he stood in the quiet for a second. 

 

“Thank you,” Michael eventually said, which made Livvy smile back at him. 

 

“Don’t mention it, but I should probably go back now.” Livvy said as she moved past Michael, one last small smile shared before Michael was alone. 

 

“How could you?!” Gavin screamed at his father’s face as the door clicked shut, immediately sobbing out loud. He backed up as his father reached out to him with a frown on his face, his back bumping into the wall behind him as his father grabbed him wrist. Gavin shrieked at the touch, doing everything he could to get out of the grasp of his father. 

 

“Gavin! Stop! Stop acting like a child!” Gavin could hear his father yelling as he sobbed and squirmed and shrieked, eventually finding the strength to push his father away from him, darting away to the room he once called his own. He felt all sense of composure leave him as he slammed the door and ran onto the bed, his sobs becoming muffled into the pillow instead. 

 

“Don’t,” Gavin could hear his mother say to his father, keeping the angered man away from Gavin before anything escalated anymore. 

 

“He’ll get over it,” Gavin’s father said to his wife, pushing past her into the kitchen. Gavin’s mother stood in the hall and listened to Gavin behind the door, but didn’t dare open it until hours later when it was finally silent in the house. Livvy had come home, but had disappeared into her own space fairly quickly. Gavin’s mother quietly cracked Gavin’s door with a water in her hand, setting it down on the nightstand, crouching down to eye level with her son. She had rarely seen Gavin this upset, his face streaked with tears, his eyes puffy, hair a mess. She was thankful that he had fallen asleep, and gently pulled a blanket over him, wishing that it didn’t have to be like this. 

 

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered as she ran her hand across his hair, wishing she wasn’t married to the monster her husband had become. She stood up and let Gavin sleep, knowing he would need it for the rest of the week.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have anything to say about this. <3


	22. Chapter 22

_“_ _If any word that you said could have made me forget”_

 

If the sharp pain that radiated through Gavin’s chest could make a sound, it would sound like a thunder crack during a storm. He rolled over under the thin blanket, lifting his body up from his stomach, his head hanging in-between his arms as he shut his eyes. 

 

_This isn’t happening, nope, I’m just dreaming, I’m at home and Michael’s beside me._

 

Gavin opening his eyes to an empty bed in his old bedroom made him let out a choked noise, his emotions tired and hurting. Actually, everything hurt. His body, his mind, from top to bottom he was hurt. He was hurt from Michael leaving, from his father yelling, from Meg calling and telling on him. From being alone. 

 

Michael wasn’t any better either, laying in Livvy’s spare bed, tears slowing falling down his temples, each thought passing through his brain loud and clear. 

 

_I left, I left again. I didn’t fight, I ran away and now I’m here. I’m alone and all I see is Gavin, all I want is Gavin._

 

Being alone hurt, so bad. As Gavin pried himself from the bed, willing himself to move the door handle, jolting as he saw his father sitting in the living room at the end of the hall. The hurt that surged through him as he sat at the family table for dinner that night was almost deafening, crushing him with every minute that went past. He shook as he asked for the salt shaker, even that made him want to cry. Excusing himself from the table early earned him a frown from his father, scolding eyes as he walked away. Once he was out of eye sight he let his tears fall, the bathroom sink he went to having streaks in it as he cried infront of the mirror. Gavin didn’t dare look at himself though, because he didn’t need that disappointment too. He didn’t need to see that he was tired and that his hair was a mess, that his eyes were red and puffy, he didn’t need to see that at all. All that would do is confirm that Michael actually left and that Gavin was alone in this household and that his father had the power over him to get him to cry with one look. Gavin hated that, he hated that feeling so much that it made his stomach churn. The fear that came with being in this house was unbearable, and as Gavin vomited into the toilet, he whimpered, breaking into a thousand tiny pieces, and there was no one to glue them back together. 

 

Michael sat at the end of the table in Livvy’s kitchen, with a different type of alone. Michael’s had that alone that you get that makes you want to toss yourself off a balcony. It makes you feel suicidal, because deep down you know you could have done something different so that the alone wouldn’t be there. Michael sat and stared at his cereal in the morning light, knowing that if he had just spoken up that maybe he could’ve pulled Gavin through the door with him, maybe Michael could have kept Gavin safe. Michael didn’t know what was happening or had happened once that door shut behind him, and the thoughts that came through Michael’s mind made him sweat and shake, leaving the bowl to go soggy. What happens if Gavin’s hurt? What happens if he was thrown out too and is somewhere else? Or was outside all night? What did Gavin’s father say to him? What’s going to happen? Michael’s bottom lip quivered as his tears splashed down into his milk, like rain was all around him, pouring throughout his life and mind. 

 

Michael jumped when he heard the front door crack open, his head snapping up to see Livvy walking in. 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump, I just,” Livvy let herself trail off as she stood in the foyer and looked at Michael, “wanted to check on you.” 

 

Michael nodded as looked down as he heard Livvy take off her shoes and walk up to him. 

 

“It’s going to be okay,” she said as she wrapped her arms around Michael’s neck, letting his tears soak into her shirt. She let go and knelt down infront of Michael. Michael wiped his face a bit as he looked down at her, softly nodding his head. 

 

“I’m going to do something really shitty now okay?” Livvy said as she reached into her pocket. She looked up at Michael as she held an envelope in her hands. 

 

“What is it?” Michael asked, barely trusting his quiet voice. Livvy flicked the envelope in her fingers, looking at it before putting her head down, looking at the floor. 

 

“This is a plane ticket, London to Austin, one way, departing tonight.” 

 

Michael and Livvy stayed in silence as the words soaked in, the air feeling heavy. Livvy looked up at Michael as she spoke again.  

 

“I don’t want to give it to you, but I know that my dad knows you’re here, and I know he’ll eventually come for you. I can’t tell you what he would do, because I don’t know that, but I can drive you now. He thinks I’ve gone out to my boyfriends, but I’m here to get you somewhere safe.” 

 

Gavin placed each plate into the dishwasher silently as his mother washed the pots and his father sat in the living room after dinner. Livvy hadn’t come home yet, but Gavin knew she would come home soon. Or so he hoped. He didn’t want the dishes to end, but they did eventually, which meant sitting down with his parents alone. He silently hoped that he would never be spoken to, that he would be invisible as he turned his attention to the television. 

 

“You haven’t spoken to him, correct?” Gavin’s father asked though, Gavin looking down at his hands. 

 

“No, I haven’t.” Gavin replied. 

 

“See, it’s not that bad.” Gavin’s father said, causing Gavin to look up at him from the corner of his eye, watching as his fathers eyes flicked back to the tv screen from Gavin. Gavin felt the tears prick his eyes, but kept them inside, because crying infront of his father would not help, it would just make it worse. Instead Gavin stood up quietly, his feet making soft padding noises on the hardwood as he walked to his bedroom, letting the tears fall as he sat on the edge of the bed. He could hear Livvy come home, the front door closing loudly like it always did. Gavin listened to her footsteps around the house, not looking up at her as she sat beside him on the edge of the bed, a tea in her hands. 

 

“Michael’s safe.” Livvy said, sipping her tea in the silence that followed. 

 

“Why did I put him so far away?” Gavin eventually said, sighing afterwards. 

 

“So that dad won’t ever get to him,” Livvy said, “because sometimes you need to protect the people you love, even when it hurts.” 

 

“Did you make the phone call too?” Gavin asked. 

 

“Yep, I did it all. He’ll be safe, I promise.” 

 

Gavin recalled all that he had said to Livvy after he pulled her into the bathroom earlier that day, just to make sure Michael would be safe. 

 

_“I need you to do this, for me, okay? I know there’s a flight everyday to Austin, get Michael the next flight out, I’ll send you the money for the plane ticket when I get back home, then take this number, ask for Geoff, you don’t overly have to explain things, just tell him that Michael’s coming home early and that he needs someone to pick him up, he’ll get it, don’t worry. I know he’ll take care of Michael, and I know that dad will eventually go after Michael, even if I say I haven’t talked to him, so I need you to make sure he gets on that plane. Please, Liv, I need you to keep him safe for me.”_

 

The words were spoken quietly, but they were serious. Livvy had followed the instructions, going to the point of watching Michael walk down onto the plane, waiting half an hour after to make sure Michael had really gone back, that he wasn’t hiding and wouldn’t show up at the house. The look in her brothers eyes as he spoke showed how much he needed Michael to be okay, even at his own cost. Gavin was very very far away from the one person that could mend him now, and the days that were to come seemed much longer, but at least Gavin knew that Michael was somewhere that he would be looked after and wouldn’t be risking getting abused by someone else. It offered some comfort to Gavin, even if he was under the roof with someone who hated his life choices. 

 

Michael picked at his nails as he walked down the hall at the airport, worried because he felt like he was leaving Gavin behind in a position that would hurt him. Michael didn’t sleep the whole flight, instead he sat and worried, cuddling the blanket he had for some sort of comfort. He continually replayed in his head when Livvy showed him the ticket, telling him that she was there to _keep him safe._ Michael knew that Gavin had some sort of play in getting him back home, but in Michael’s wary head he couldn’t figure it out. Hearing his name being called snapped him out of his head though. 

 

“Michael!” Geoff called, walking fast to Michael. 

 

“Geoff.” Michael said as he was engulfed in Geoff’s arms, his body quivering for what felt like the hundredth time that day. 

 

“Shhhhh,” Geoff said as he felt Michael shake, Geoff holding his head to his shoulder. “It’s okay, you’re okay,” Geoff was saying to Michael. Michael pulled his head up a minute later, letting out a breath he was holding in. He wiped his face before turning to look around. 

 

“Okay, baggage.” He said quietly to himself as Geoff looked at him. 

 

“Over here, lets grab it and go.” Geoff said, walking over to the baggage pick-up section. Geoff pulled Michael’s bag behind him as he lead Michael to his car, putting it in the backseat as Michael just climbed into the passenger seat, holding himself tight in his arms as he looked out the window at the familiar setting. The hole in his chest that he felt hurt, almost a physical feeling, even though Michael knew it wasn’t. 

 

“You can just go in, I’ll get your stuff,” Geoff said as he pulled into his driveway, a hand placed on Michael’s leg before he got out of the car. Michael slowly walked up to the house, letting himself in, seeing Griffon turn around to see who had come in. 

 

“Sweetie,” Griffon said as she walked up to him, wrapping her arms around him like Geoff had in the airport. “Come on, lets sit.”

 

Griffon led Michael to the couch as Geoff came in the door, following them after he put everything he had down. Michael sat in-between Griffon and Geoff on the couch, and he felt a little weak at the moment, but when Griffon pulled him into her arms like he was one of her own, he felt comforted. 

 

“I know it’s gunna be hard, but you have to tell us what’s going on,” Geoff said as he took one of Michael’s hands in his own, rubbing his thumb across Michael’s knuckles. Michael let out a breath before he started talking. 

 

“It was all fine while we were in New York, my family took it really well, like the whole Gavin-and-I-being-together thing, and then we went to Gavin’s, and we we’re there for maybe like three hours, and then all of a sudden Gavin’s dad asked Gavin how Meg was then, then, then Gavin’s dad said that Meg had actually called, and it turned out, that, Meg had already told Gavin’s parents that we’re together, and Gavin’s dad was really mad about it. Like, furious about it, and then he told us that I had to leave, and I’ve, _never_ , seen Gavin that upset, and I, I walked out _again_. I said it was okay, so I went with his sister, to her place, and then this morning she came and said that I should come back here and gave me a plane ticket, she seemed really insistent and I’m sure Gavin had some play in it, if not all of it, so I went. I left him there, I left him alone in that situation, why would I do that?” 

 

Michael’s tears dripped down onto Griffon’s arm as he sobbed through telling them what happened, Griffon holding him closer to her as he shook and tried to breathe through the thoughts. Tried to explain what happened, tried not to fall apart as Geoff moved closer to wipe Michael’s tears even though more just fell down his face. 

 

“I, I, I just _left him there._ ” Michael said, “Why would I do _that?_ Why didn’t I _fight_ for him? How could I just get up and go when he was _screaming_ for _me_?! Why would I do that?!” 

 

Michael was falling into hysterics faster than he could keep up with, his voice raising the longer he talked about it, causing Geoff to move away and get a blanket, wrapping it around Michael while Griffon rocked him back and forth. 

 

“Shhhhh, it’s okay, let it out, shhhh,” Griffon was saying into Michael’s ear as she adjusted the blanket, gently stroking Michael’s hair after. Michael whimpered through a sob, his emotions starting to subside a bit. Or bubble over, Michael couldn’t tell. 

 

“I don’t even know what’s going to happen to him,” Michael said quietly, gripping the blanket in his hands. 

 

Gavin sat neatly at the table the next night, the tension almost unbearable as his father had asked over some girl that he though Gavin would like, still not getting that all Gavin wanted was Michael. Gavin was sure he looked like a wreck to the girl who sat next to him, his expression dull and tired as he worked through the meal, barely eating anything on his plate. Everyone else eventually finished, and Gavin stood up and took his and the girls plate, hell, he couldn’t even recall her name as he walked away. Being home had changed from something he was fine doing, to something that he hated now. He looked at the clock on the microwave, noting how Michael should be home now. He shut his eyes for a moment, sighing as he hoped that Michael was in Geoff and Griffon’s house, the only place that Gavin knew for sure that he would be taken care of and helped. Gavin let his eyes flick open as his name was called from the other room, the stern sound of his fathers voice jarring to the rest of Gavin’s thoughts. 

 

“Gavin, are you going to get the rest of the dishes?” His father was saying, so Gavin returned a small, ‘yes’ to his father before clearing the rest of the table. Thankfully his mother helped him, not letting Gavin lie in his thoughts alone. 

 

“Gavin, I have to say something,” Gavin’s mother said as she placed a plate into the dishwasher. 

 

“Go ahead,” Gavin said with a little tone, bracing for another verbal knockdown. 

 

“I don’t agree with your father, I think Michael is a sweet boy, even if I don’t really know him. I just need you to know that I don’t care who you love. I want you to know that I’ll always accept you, okay?” Gavin’s mom spoke quietly and quickly, but the words still impacted Gavin in so many ways. He tried to hold his tears in, but when one splashed onto a glass in the dishwasher, he knew that he was really fragile right now. 

 

“Thank you,” Gavin whispered quietly to his mom, who set her hand on top of his as he put another mug in the rack. 

 

“Don’t ever compromise who you are, no matter what anyone says, okay?” 

 

Gavin shook his head instead of answering, wiping his face quickly as the girl walked into the kitchen. 

 

“I’m, um, going to go,” she said awkwardly, noting that Gavin’s eyes were a little wet as he looked at her. 

 

“Oh, yeah, thanks for coming,” Gavin said as nicely as he could, even though he knew he was just lying to her, and he was thankful when his mom took over talking and led her to the stairs and out the door. 

 

Gavin finished up the dishes as quickly as he could, trying to sneak down to his room, but his fathers voice calling him to the living room caught him before he could disappear for the night. Gavin looked over at the dining room table where Livvy and his mom sat, talking, Livvy’s eyes catching Gavin’s before he turned to his father who was sitting in the same chair he had been all week. Gavin was really starting to hate that chair. 

 

“Sit,” Gavin’s father said, pointing to the chair that was beside his, only separated by a small table. “So did you like her?” 

 

Gavin sat in silence, astonished that his father would even think to ask the question, he couldn’t tell that he hated being here? 

 

“Answer me when I ask a question,” Gavin’s father said when Gavin didn’t answer. 

 

“I like Michael dad.” Gavin said, bringing his head up and making eye contact with his father. 

 

“You may not like _him,_ Gavin. That is not how this household works. You already know that.” 

 

“I don’t care.” 

 

“You will care! You will marry a woman, and you will be happy! Do not fight me on this.” 

 

Gavin sunk back in his seat and turned away from his father at the words, his stomach doing flip flops. 

 

“You should have married Meg, she was perfect for you. I think you should try again with her.” 

 

“No, I would never do that. I would never marry someone like her.” 

 

Gavin’s back crawled with what Meg did to him, how she dashed his feelings across the floor just like his father was right now. How bad her cut was, how fresh it still felt, it made Gavin boil in his seat. 

 

“You will never marry Michael either. Do not try and convince me that you will marry him.” 

 

“I will marry him.” 

 

“No! You will not, you can not, it’s not even legal in your state!” 

 

“I’ll go somewhere else to marry him! I’ll do anything to be with him! Don’t you get that?! Don’t you understand that I love him?! Why can’t you just accept that?!” 

 

“Because it is not right! Men marry women Gavin! Stop arguing with me! You know it’s just in your head! You’ve been with girls, your entire life! You like them, you do not like men! You’ve just gotten caught up in a moment! Wake up and realize that!” 

 

Gavin and his father were standing now, dangerously close to each other, yet Gavin seemed a little less confident than his father was, as he stood right up in Gavin’s face, pressuring him to back down. 

 

“You’re a disgrace to this family,” Gavin’s father said, calm as he could ever be, right at Gavin’s face. Gavin felt himself take a step back, his legs bumping into the table that was behind him. 

 

“I’m not,” Gavin found the courage to say.

 

“Stop talking back to me!” Gavin’s father said then, raising his hand up, slapping Gavin across the cheek. Gavin gasped as he stumbled backwards, knocking the table as he fell. 

 

His cheek stung as his brain registered that he had just been slapped by his own father, the back of his head throbbing as Gavin noticed that he had hit it off the table in the motion. 

 

“Dad!” 

 

Livvy rushed into the room, immediately dropping to her knees beside Gavin. 

 

“How could you?!” Livvy turned and looked at her father, a frown on her panicked face, “Don’t you realize he is your son?! Don’t you love him anymore?!” 

 

The silence that filled the room after her shouting felt like it could be shattered by one touch of a finger. Gavin kept his head down as he waited for an answer, any answer, but the footsteps fading away from him we’re possibly the loudest thing to him he’d ever heard. Gavin’s father left the question unanswered, and that cut deeper than anything else ever did. Deeper than the school kids Gavin grew up with, deeper than the jokes online, deeper than Meg talking to him, deeper than Michael running away. His father couldn’t even say if he loved him anymore or not. 

 

Gavin felt like his emotions were leaking out across the floor as Livvy wrapped her arms around his torso, his tears starting to fall down his face. 

 

“Sheesh, we have to get out of here,” Livvy said quietly as she grabbed a kleenex box, dabbing at Gavin’s face. Gavin winced as she touched part of his cheek, looking up at her. 

 

“Do I have a cut?” Gavin asked a little rushed. 

 

“Yeah, just, um, hold this here, okay?” Livvy said as she stood up, rushing to her bedroom, returning with her keys. 

 

“Come on, we have to go,” she said, reaching for Gavin’s hand and pulling him up. “Here, go to my car, I’ll get your stuff, okay?” 

 

Gavin nodded as he took the kleenex away from his face, looking down at the red strip that was on it from his cut. 

 

“Hold it on there,” Livvy said, pushing it back on the cut before she ran back up the stairs. Gavin put his shoes on and took his jacket, sliding it on as he walked out the door to Livvy’s car, unlocking it and getting in the passenger side. 

 

Livvy stuffed what she saw out of Gavin’s suitcase back into it, zipping it up as quickly as she could. She knew that their father would show up again sooner or later, and that she needed somewhere safe to leave Gavin, but thankfully that wasn’t too hard to know where to go. She darted down the hall, pushing her own emotions away so that she could go fast. 

 

“Where are you going?” The grasp on her arm was strong, and Livvy let out a gasp as she turned to look at who grabbed her, even though she already knew. 

 

“Why would I tell you?” Livvy said back to her father, looking him right in the eye. He had just pushed her brother down, and she wouldn’t let him take control of her. 

 

“Because I asked you, and you listen to me.” 

 

“Last time I checked I am an adult and I can answer who I want to.” Livvy spat the words to her father, pulling her arm out of his grasp and jumping down the rest of the stairs, hastily grabbing her shoes as she heard her father coming towards her. She expected him to pull on her or hold the door shut, but when she pulled it open without a problem she turned and looked at her father who was just standing there looking at her. 

 

“Don’t bother coming back.”  

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

_“Would I get up off the floor”_

 

“Shhhh, easy Michael,” Geoff said. 

 

“No!” Michael screamed out as he fought against Griffon’s arms and the blanket. He needed to go back, he needed to save Gavin. “I can’t, I can’t just leave him!” 

 

“Michael, Michael, listen,” Geoff said, taking Michael’s flailing arms in his hands, trying to calm him down. “Michael, I know it’s hard, but you can’t, you know Gavin wouldn’t want you in harms way, please, calm down. Shhhh.” 

 

Michael broke down into sobs on Geoff’s shoulder, the feeling of Griffon’s hands rubbing his back. 

 

“It’s going to be okay, I promise.” Geoff whispered, holding Michael’s head like he was a child. He let Michael cry until he calmed down, Griffon rubbing her hands up and down his spine. Geoff eventually pulled Michael’s head up, Michael’s expression tired and miserable looking. Michael let his head fall down, almost ashamed of how he was feeling. 

 

“Come here,” Geoff said as he stood up, hooking his hands under Michael’s arms at the same time, lifting Michael up on to his hip, Michael’s head on his shoulder. Griffon caught the blanket when it fell, standing up and placing it on Michael’s shoulders. Michael whimpered a bit still as Geoff walked to the back of the house, flicking on the light of the spare bedroom, laying Michael down on the mattress of the bed. 

 

“Shhhhh,” Geoff said as Michael let out a groan, balling up into himself as Geoff pulled the comforter out from underneath him. 

 

“Here,” Griffon said walking up behind Geoff, passing him some pjs she had gotten from Michael suitcase, her hand touching Geoff’s back. 

 

“Thanks,” Geoff said, smiling at her as she turned and walked out of the room. 

 

“Yeah, arms up,” Geoff said as Michael moved, pushing himself up with his hand, putting it up as he left Geoff pull off his t-shirt, replacing it with a clean one. Michael tried to keep his breathing steady as he lifted his hips, Geoff sliding his jeans off his legs, the soft pjs definitely more comfortable. 

 

“Shhhhh,” Geoff tried to quiet Michael some more as Michael took another shaky breath as he laid down and Geoff brought the covers up over him. Geoff hummed softly as he sat on the edge of the bed, running his hand across Michael’s hair, watching as Michael closed his eyes, sighing as the covers warmed up and his exhaustion finally took over. Geoff left him to sleep, praying that he could just sleep all night. 

 

-

 

Livvy jammed her shoes on her feet as the car door slammed shut, her rage towards her father surfacing. She let her feet fall loudly on the mat of her car, so incredibly mad at her father. The noise of her brother whimpering beside her made her look up though, her emotions being pushed aside as Gavin’s body started to shake, and Livvy didn’t know if it was from the cold or from everything that was happening to him, all she knew was that she needed to take him somewhere safe. 

 

“It’s going to be okay Gav, just hang on, okay?” Livvy touched his knee as she took her phone out, dialling as she turned on her car, throwing it in gear as fast as she could while she pressed her phone in-between her ear and her shoulder. 

 

“George? Yeah, it’s Livvy. Gav came home, and, and it’s just not good. We’re coming over, okay?” 

 

Livvy put her phone down as she ended the short conversation with her other brother. She felt some sort of warning was better than just showing up to his house. Livvy looked over to see Gavin trying to hold himself together, but deep down she knew he was falling apart piece by piece. 

 

-

 

“It’s okay, come here,” Livvy could hear George saying as she put her car in park, George coming down from his porch and opening the passenger door as fast as he could, picking his brother up from the car. 

 

“I’m just gunna bring him in,” George said as he looked to Livvy, who was now standing up out of her car, nodding her head at him. Livvy watched as the two brothers went up the driveway, and some how a sense of calm came over her. Sure she was still shaken up and raging, but being here felt safe. 

 

“Woah woah, I know, I know it hurts.” Gavin could hear George speaking to him, but the sore spots of his fall were starting to show up all down his back, and he couldn’t stop shaking from it. The back of his head was throbbing, obviously he fell harder than it felt like he did in the moment, the adrenaline starting to fade out of him, clearing his mind. 

 

George set him down on the edge of his bathtub, taking Gavin’s jacket and shoes off, listening as Livvy came in, coming to the bathroom as well. 

 

“What happened?” George asked, looking to Livvy as he got a facecloth to clean Gavin’s cut. George pulled Gavin’s hand away from his cut, tossing the kleenex away.  

 

“Well, it was pretty similar to what dad did to you, except he actually hit Gav and he fell pretty hard into the table, I didn’t actually see it, but I heard it.” Livvy said, peaking Gavin’s ears. 

 

“What do you mean? What dad did to you?” Gavin stuttered through his words a little bit, watching as George moved back to him, starting to clean his cut. 

 

“That’s a bit of a loaded question Gav.” George said with a sigh. “But in short form, dad kicked me out cause I’m gay too. I wouldn’t just not show up for Christmas, you know that.” 

 

“You’re gay too?” Gavin asked, clearly disoriented as his entire world was being flipped on him. Livvy watched cautiously as Gavin semi-swayed on the edge of the bathtub, information coming at him too fast, his eyes darting around George’s face.

 

“Yeah, I haven’t spoken to dad since he found out, I guess that’s like three years now,” George said, his eyes trained on Gavin’s cut, “I get the odd text from mom, but really it’s just Livvy and I who talk now, since you’re in America. Sheesh, I never thought this would happen.” 

 

Gavin winced as George pulled the facecloth away and pressed some ointment into it, pressing a bandage on it after. Livvy continued to watch, every emotion showing on George’s face, which was similar to Gavin’s, but instead George had dark hair and was a stockier build than Gavin was. 

 

“Up,” George said next, Gavin shakily holding his hands above his head as his sweater and t-shirt were removed from his body, dropped to the floor in a heap. 

 

“Shhhh,” Gavin could hear George in his ear as George gently leaned Gavin’s body forward into the light, seeing the bruises forming down his back from the table digging in. Gavin let his head rest on Georges shoulder, trying to digest all that was going on in his head. 

 

Gavin gasped as George touched his back, trying to squirm away from his hands, almost tipping himself off the edge of the bathtub. 

 

“Sorry, sorry,” George said as he slid Gavin back onto the bathtub. 

 

“It hurts,” Gavin whispered, the shaking of his body worse from the pain. 

 

“I know, it’ll be okay. It’s just bruised, that’s all. It’ll fade.” 

 

“Can you move?” Gavin said next, pulling his head up and pushing his brother away, sliding himself to the toilet, because he couldn’t bare it anymore. He gagged over the toilet once before letting everything come up, hearing the soft coos of his brother beside him as his eyes watered and dripped into the bowl as well. His head throbbed with the pressure, his lips shaking as he seemed to finish. 

 

The feeling of a blanket on his back was comforting, yet painful at the same time. 

 

“You think he’s maybe a little concussed too?” Gavin heard Livvy say, George replying but Gavin didn’t catch it. 

 

Gavin whimpered as he leaned back, his brothers arms catching him, Gavin’s head settling on Georges shoulder. 

 

“There’s a bucket downstairs, you mind grabbing it?” Gavin heard George ask Livvy, “we’ll just be in the bedroom.” 

 

“Yeah sure, I’ll get some pjs too,” Gavin heard Livvy say, her footsteps fading down the hall. 

 

Gavin breathing hitched, his voice letting out a whine as George picked him up from the floor, moving them towards a bedroom. Gavin could feel the blanket resting around his body, but it felt almost foreign for some reason. Everything was overwhelming right now, including not knowing this house at all, and it was sending Gavin over the edge in too many ways. The softness of a bed pressed against Gavin’s body, his head laid onto a pillow. 

 

“George,” Gavin whispered with shaky lips. 

 

“Yeah Gav?” 

 

“I wanna go home,” Gavin whimpered, a tear leaking from his eye, dripping down the side of his face. 

 

“I know, but you can’t right now, we’ll get you home as soon as we can, okay?” George said as he gently moved Gavin around on the bed, pulling the one blanket out from under Gavin, moving the other covers around, slipping Gavin’s pants off slowly, ready for pjs. Livvy returned with the bucket, and Gavin’s pjs from his suitcase, giving the pants to her brother, fitting the t-shirt over Gavin’s head, guiding his arms into it before quickly pulling him up to slip the fabric down his back. George pulled the thicker covers up over Gavin, tucking them around the shaking boy. George stayed beside Gavin, gradually calming him down, until Gavin’s eyes finally shut in the early morning. Livvy had wandered back and forth from George’s room to where Gavin was throughout the night, bringing George his pillow and comforter, because she knew that there was no way that she was pulling George away from Gavin to go to bed. Maybe George had been out of contact for three years, but that didn’t mean he would just leave his brother’s side when he was so damaged. 

 

-

 

Michael felt like he had laid in every position in bed, trying to find something that was either comfortable or comforting, yet he couldn’t find either. He knew it was at least eight by now, and he hated that. He hated that he was alone in this bed at eight in the morning after barely sleeping all night. He hated the feeling of dried tear streaks on his skin, and he hated the british accent that bounced around in his head all night and he hated himself. Yeah he was self-loathing but honestly he had just stopped caring. He wanted to be mad, and he wanted to mad at himself. 

 

The movement of the bed caught his eye though, the comforter moving on the other side of the mattress. A little hand popped up, and Michael picked his head up. He looked over the side of the bed, two big blue eyes staring up at him made him cock his head to the side. 

 

“Shhh,” Millie said as she crawled up the bed, “you can’t let them know I’m in here.” 

 

Michael watched as the young girl climbed in his covers, her little hands attaching to his t-shirt, pulling herself around him. 

 

“You’re sad, Mi-chael,” Millie said, rolling over the sounds of Michael’s name. Michael knew that she had sneaked in here, but he couldn’t find the energy to push her away, so he sighed and looked up at the ceiling, letting his arm drape over her back. 

 

“Yeah kinda,” Michael whispered back to her. 

 

“You shouldn’t be sad, it’s Christmas.” Millie said, propping herself up onto Michael’s chest more, looking down at him and smiling. 

 

“Sometimes people even get sad at Christmas,” Michael said, holding her small frame in his hands to keep her from falling. 

 

“Did you lose your Gavin?” Millie asked, making Michael’s stomach flutter, his eyes watering in the dim light. 

 

“Maybe, I’m not sure,” Michael answered, blinking away his tears. 

 

“You were cute together.” Millie said, her head bobbing from side to side as she played with her fingers, walking them across Michael’s chest. 

 

“Well, he’s just not here right now, I’m pretty sure we’re still together.” Michael said as he watched Millie’s fingers as well. 

 

“Oh thats good!” Millie said, looking up at Michael and smiling, putting her hands down. Michael let a small smile cross his lips back at her, the innocence of being a child flashing across Millie’s face. 

 

Michael watched as the shadows changed on Millie’s face then, the door to the bedroom being opened on them. 

 

“Hey, I said not to go in here,” Geoff’s voice was soft as he came to the bed, pulling Millie out from the covers, lifting her into his arms. “Sorry, Michael.” 

 

“It’s okay,” Michael said, pushing his body up into a sitting position, rubbing his eye at the same time. 

 

“Breakfast is on the table if you’re hungry,” Geoff said as Michael looked at him, nodding his head. 

 

“Okay, thanks.” Michael said as Geoff turned and left, Millie waving behind her dad’s back. Michael left out a little huff with a smile, looking down at his lap, cautiously scanning his brain for his needs. Food? Not really. Shower? Yes, that is a yes. Bathroom? Also a yes. Bed? Yeah, that sounded like a plan. 

 

Michael let his body fall back onto the mattress, because even those thoughts were tiring, and he hadn’t even done any of them. Really all Michael wanted to do was curl up in Gavin’s arms, and listen to all Gavin’s thoughts all day. Listening to Gavin talk might be Michael’s favourite thing in the whole world. 

 

Instead Michael got up though, and somehow powered through a tear-filled shower, eventually dragging himself to sit on the couch with Millie for a while. Her laugh was infectious as she watched tv, crawling up in Michael’s lap part way through. Geoff and Griffon floated in and out of the room, and eventually the tv had to be shut off. 

 

“Come on, lets go for a walk,” Griffon was saying, giving Millie her coat to put on. “You can come if you want, Michael.” 

 

Michael weighed out the option of staying home alone, but the sound of being alone made him feel worse, so he decided to go, slipping on his coat and shoes, Millie grabbing his hand as they walked out the door. 

 

The neighbourhood that Geoff and Griffon lived in was quiet and pretty, Millie almost dragging Michael to the playground at the end of the street. Michael let her hand go as soon as they hit the dried grass, sighing as he watched her run and start playing on the equipment. Geoff and Griffon had ended up far behind them, so Michael decided that sitting on the bench was alright for now. He stuck his hands into his pockets as he watched Millie run around, but looked down as he felt something in his pocket. _The envelope,_ Michael thought as he pulled it out, flipping it over to look at it. Michael didn’t know why he hadn’t looked at it right away when Gavin gave it to him, but his shaky hands told him that maybe it was some sort of twisted fate. He ripped the envelope open, sliding out the stack of photographs from it. 

 

Michael stared down at them, each memory searing into him with each picture he turned to. The soft sheets and lips and curls and dirty blonde hair and t-shirts and warmth and quietness and perfection all flooded back to Michael, making his heart feel heavy. Michael sniffled as his eyes watered and his nose started to run, his hands stuffing the pictures back into the envelope, his eyes scanning the park, seeing the innocence of Millie and the love of Geoff and Griffon holding hands wrapped around Michael, his stomach churning. _Gavin should be here,_ was all that Michael could think, the pain of Gavin _not_ being here burning inside of Michael. 

 

“I’m so sorry,” Michael whispered as he flipped the envelope in his hands, wishing that Gavin somehow knew that he was sorry, even though Michael’s words were just blown away in the wind. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote this through some painful writers block, so it's not the greatest. :( 
> 
> i wish i could write out the emotions better sometimes, but it just doesn't happen some days. i seriously think i re-read and re-wrote this chapter like 500 times in my head and in real life, and it just didnt come. 
> 
> *huffs and pouts* 
> 
> 100 kudos though guys! amazing! :D <3


	24. Chapter 24

_“_ _Cause this is all in my head”_

 

Gavin felt delirious, one emotion after another. He knew arms wrapped around him when he would start sobbing, but deciphering who’s arms were around him never happened. His head was pounding and his eyes were constantly tearing, cheeks and temples raw to the touch. Every touch hurt, his senses all scrambled and mixed with the bruising. By the time that night fell though, he could feel things starting to settle, the state of shock slowly dissipating. Gavin squinted his eyes at the red glow of the clock beside him. 

 

_11:34,_ Gavin read, struggling to find where the day had gone. 

 

“Hey,” Livvy said in a whisper as she leaned on the doorframe, a cup of tea in her hands. Gavin watched as she came over to him, placing the mug on the nightstand, crouching down to Gavin’s level. 

 

“You feeling a bit better?” Livvy asked as she brushed her hand through Gavin’s hair. 

 

“What happened?” Gavin croaked out, the words tiring him. 

 

“You just had to go through it all, you’ve been all over the trail all day, I don’t think I’ve seen your eyes this clear yet.” Livvy said as she looked at her brother. 

 

“I feel like I was hit by a truck,” Gavin said, closing his eyes at the feeling of his hair being touched. 

 

“Yeah, I bet. I think you just got overwhelmed, you just had to go through the shock, but that’s okay. A lot came at you very quickly.” 

 

“Mhmm?” Gavin hummed. 

 

“Yeah, but it’s okay, we were always beside you,” Livvy said, watching as Gavin opened his eyes again, looking at her. 

 

“I wanna go home,” Gavin said, causing Livvy to look down. 

 

“I know, you’ll get there, in a few days.” 

 

Gavin turned his head away from Livvy at the words, a feeling of panic rising in his chest for some reason, not being able to go home to Michael wrapping around him, the rush of emotion causing him to let out a choked sob before he felt the tears burning down his cheeks again. 

 

“Shhhhh, shhhh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” Livvy said as she moved up to the bed, wrapping her arms around Gavin in the sheets. 

 

Gavin felt the far too familiar feeling of anxiety coming up his throat as the need for space came over him. He subconsciously started to push his sister away from him, whimpering as he pulled his hands out of the blanket, putting them over his face, trying to control his emotions. Livvy put her hand on Gavin’s wrist, but he shooed it away, resisting the urge to scream out at her. His skin felt like it was crawling, heat rushing up his back as he started to sweat. His tears were soaking into his hair, but he couldn’t stop them. Gavin was loosing control and he knew that, and hated it. 

 

“Shhhhhh,” Livvy said as Gavin half cried out as she pressed a cool facecloth to his forehead that was sitting on the nightstand from earlier in the day. She watched as Gavin let his hands slip away from his face, folding the towel onto his forehead. 

 

Gavin let the coolness of the cloth calm him down, his body feeling relaxed as the heat dissipated. 

 

“It okay?” Livvy asked as Gavin’s breathing got quiet. 

 

“Yeah,” Gavin said quietly, letting Livvy sit on the edge of the bed. 

 

“The fear turned into panic.” Livvy said, looking up at Gavin. 

 

“Yeah, the fear of loosing control is how it feels,” Gavin said. 

 

“Why Michael?” Livvy asked. 

 

“He’s calm and protective. He reads me better than anyone. He stays around. He’s grounded. I’m not, you know that.” 

 

“I know, your little world in your head is quite the place.” Livvy said, placing her hand on Gavin’s leg underneath the blanket. 

 

“So, I guess it’s just us now,” Gavin said, “just us three.” 

 

“And everyone we know. I think we all realize that our real family are the ones who take care of us, no matter what.” 

 

“Yeah,” Gavin said, giving Livvy a soft smile in the dim lighting. 

 

“I didn’t wanna peel off that bandage while you were sleeping, you mind if I check on George and then clean it?” Livvy said, standing up and reaching for her tea. 

 

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Gavin replied, his fingers touching the bandage on his face. 

 

Livvy left the room, checking on a sleeping George before going to the bathroom for what she needed. 

 

— 

 

Michael let the pictures spread across the bed as he pulled them out of the envelope back at the house. The tears slipped silently from his eyes as he stared at them, his bottom lip shaking as he pulled on it with his teeth, shrugging off his jacket and letting it fall to the floor. Michael rearranged the pictures into a line, tears dripping down onto the paper, causing the pictures to slightly warp, but Michael’s eyes were too blurry to even notice. He let out a choked noise as his hands landed on the bed, his head hanging down as each moment passed through him. He let his body slide down onto the edge of the mattress, his face laying on the comforter with his arms above his head and his knees on the floor. Michael could hear the front door open frantically, the noise of someone coming through the house.

 

The feeling of a hand placed on the back of Michael’s head made Michael’s tears fall more, the presence of a body behind him pulling him away from the bed and into their arms somewhat comforting. 

 

“Shhhhhh,” Geoff said was saying as he slid Michael away from the bed and into his chest, wrapping Michael in his arms. He could feel Michael’s body take in shaky breaths, Michael’s tears soaking through Geoff’s shirt. 

 

“Easy, easy,” Geoff said to Michael who had gripped onto Geoff’s shirt, his eyes squeezed shut as he tried to pull himself together. Geoff scanned the pictures on the bed, knowing what triggered Michael. Geoff knew something was up as soon as he saw Michael stand up from the park bench, tearing off towards the house. 

 

“He’s going to come back, I promise,” Geoff said as Michael pushed his head up from Geoff’s chest, keeping his tear streaked face down from Geoff. Michael was stronger than this, Michael had to be. Geoff’s hand on his chin made him look up though, the eye contact making him feel shy. 

 

“Don’t hide from me, don’t suck it up, let it out, this is hard. It’s okay to be a mess.” 

 

Michael nodded his head and fit himself back into Geoff’s arms, his head on Geoff’s shoulder. Michael eventually let his eyes close, silence enveloping them as Michael’s tears fell. The ring of Geoff’s phone startled both of them though, Michael picking up his fuzzy head. 

 

“Here, I’ll just be a second,” Geoff said as he moved Michael’s body onto the bed, sliding his phone out of his pocket as he exited the room, listening to the words on the other end. Geoff smiled at the words, hanging up and going back to find Michael asleep on the bed. 

 

Geoff pressed his lips together, before moving to Michael, picking up each picture before placing them on the nightstand. Geoff covered Michael’s body up in the comforter as best he could, and picked up Michael’s jacket from the floor, slinging it on the end of the bed post. 

 

“He’ll be back soon,” Geoff whispered before he shut the door behind him, walking out of the room. 

 

— 

 

Michael didn’t get out of bed after he was covered up. He kicked his jeans off and stayed in the covers, all through the night and all day. He liked the dark, it let him be numb. He couldn’t pull it back together after all the memories floated through him of when he was happy. Of when Gavin wasn’t ripped away from him. Somewhere in Michael’s mind he knew that Gavin would come back, but he still couldn’t pull that thought to the front. There was too much mess and the dark of the room was making it way too easy to just sleep through it rather than facing it. Michael didn’t even cry, he didn’t have the energy anymore. He just laid in the bed while his mind and body went numb to him. 

 

Michael watched as the clock determined that it had switched from day to night again, and eventually to the next day. Michael rolled over when the clock hit two, trying to find some sleep away from the red glow of the clock. He shut his eyes and was barely drifting off to sleep when the silence of the room was broken. 

 

Michael laid still as he tried to determine who had come in the room, hoping that they would just leave him alone. When the covers on the other side of the bed were pulled away though, Michael let his eyes open. 

 

The touch was what caused the rush through Michael though. 

 

Michael felt as cool fingers were dragged along his arm, igniting little sparks before Michael grabbed onto the t-shirt on the other side of the bed, wrapping himself around the body. 

 

“Gavin,” Michael whispered as he let out a breath, shoving his face into Gavin’s neck. 

 

Michael felt as Gavin pulled on the hem of his t-shirt, shoving it up as Michael moved and let him pull it away. Gavin pulled his own t-shirt over his head, tossing them both to the floor. 

 

“I need you,” Gavin said as he crawled on top of Michael, his turn to wrap around the other boy. 

 

Michael let his hands sink into Gavin’s hair as he felt Gavin start to cry on his shoulder. Michael let his eyes close as all his senses soaked up the skin-to-skin contact with Gavin. Michael drowned in it, he floated through it as it made his head fuzzy. Michael had to repeatedly check to make sure Gavin was actually there and each time he was. Gavin was back with Michael and it was perfect. 

 

Michael cuddled into Gavin as much as he could, holding Gavin close to him. He never wanted to let Gavin slip from his arms again. 

 

Gavin was doing the same as Michael as he soaked up each piece of Michael. Gavin felt intoxicated in Michael’s smell, and Michael’s hands on his head made him float along. Gavin could feel the tears drip from his eyes, but it was just because it was overwhelming being back with the only person who mattered. Gavin let his eyes shut, the early morning light the only thing to wake him. 

 

Michael was already awake by the time Gavin woke up, so Gavin woke to brown eyes looking at him. Their limbs were still tanged up, bodies warm next to each other. 

 

“What happened?” Michael dared to whisper as they held eye contact. 

 

“They shattered me.” 

 

“I felt it,” Michael said, “I felt you fading from me. I let you go, I, I, I let them take you.” 

 

“No, you did what was right. You didn’t need to be there, you needed to be safe. That’s all that mattered to me. It’s all that kept me going, I knew you would be safe, no matter what.” Gavin rubbed his hand on Michael’s arm as he spoke. 

 

“They hurt you, though,” Michael said as he reached up and let his fingers dance along the bandage on his face. 

 

“It’ll fade,” Gavin said, moving his hand to Michael’s, the touch of the bandage against his own fingers bringing back that day. Gavin dropped eye contact as he linked fingers with Michael. 

 

“Shhhhhh, tell me if you want to,” Michael said as Gavin let his eyes shut, pulling Gavin a little closer to him. 

 

“I can’t, not yet,” Gavin said as he breathed out, stuffing the memory away. 

 

“That’s okay, you can when you want to,” Michael said, knowing it wasn’t the time to push. 

 

“You’re lost.” Gavin said as he opened his eyes back to Michael’s. 

 

“I’m numb,” Michael said back, “I’m nothing without you. Everything with you.” 

 

“All of you and all of me, right?” Gavin said. 

 

“Always.”  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so maybe i got some writers block for AN ENTIRE MONTH OR SOMETHING   
> sorry about that, writing is hard sometimes. 
> 
> this is a super short chapter that was written here and there throughout February, so if it's patchy and all over the place then I'm super duper sorry. Please keep in mind that I'm just an amateur at this stuff. >.


	25. Chapter 25

_“And we're burning all the bridges now”_

 

“Shhhhh, I know, I know it hurts,” Michael said as Gavin and him laid in bed together. Michael watched as tears streaked Gavin’s skin, his chest rising and falling as he tried to pull himself together. Michael laid beside him and let him fall through the motions. He let Gavin into his arms when Gavin was ready, rolling over and wrapping himself around Michael. 

 

Geoff wandered in and out of the room throughout the days, making sure each boy ate and didn’t get sick. Gavin would pull Michael from the bed and into the shower when Michael wouldn’t want to leave the bed. He would stuff his face into his pillow and grasp the sheets, trying to block out all that was happening. Gavin would sit Michael in the bottom of the shower and run his hands through Michael’s curls, trying to wash away the guilt. 

 

Each boy had broken in different ways, but as they sat facing each other with the hot water running down their faces, they were equal. They were both still there. Michael was still fascinated with the shade of Gavin’s eyes and how the water dripped off his pink lips. Gavin still drowned in how Michael’s hair turned dark when it was wet, little water drops falling from Michael’s eyelashes. 

 

When things seemed to level out, Geoff drove them home. He made sure each boy had everything, and told them that he would check on them in the morning. The silence of Gavin’s empty house after the door was locked enveloped each boy. They had been through so much since they were last here. Gavin linked his fingers through Michael’s as they stood in the foyer, squeezing Michael’s hand. 

 

“I love you,” Gavin said into the silence. 

 

“I love you.” Michael repeated, his knee cracking as he moved from his spot, to infront of Gavin, linking their other hands together. Michael leaned to Gavin and pressed his lips softly against Gavin’s. “I love you so much,” Michael said in-between kissing Gavin. 

 

“I’m so scared,” Gavin whispered as he put his forehead on Michael’s. 

 

“I know, it’s going to be okay,” Michael said, moving his hands to the sides of Gavin’s face, kissing him again, trying to fix all the feelings. “Come on, lets get comfortable.” 

 

Michael lead Gavin upstairs, his hand gently pulling Gavin along behind him. The memories that the walls carried next to him seem to blind him, how everything was so so different last time they were here. Michael let out a breath as the bedroom came into view. Michael stopped partway in the room, but Gavin walked passed him and flopped onto the bed as he let Michael’s hand go. Michael smiled at Gavin laying awkwardly on the bed with his eyes closed, clearly happy to be back in his own bed. 

 

“Snuggle me,” Gavin mumbled half into the sheets at Michael, so Michael stretched and moved towards the dresser. 

 

“Want some pjs?” Michael asked as he started going the the drawers. He tossed a pair of pj pants onto Gavin when Gavin didn’t reply. Gavin did move and wiggle into the pants though, climbing in the covers as Michael was taking off his glasses while sitting on the edge of the bed, facing away from Gavin. Gavin reached out and touched Michael’s back when Michael didn’t lay down. 

 

“Michael?” Gavin asked quietly. 

 

“Yeah?” Michael replied just as softly. 

 

“You okay?” Gavin said, sitting up and moving towards Michael. 

 

Michael wanted to say yes, he wanted to be okay. Inside though, he knew he was falling apart. Just being here, in this house, with Gavin, was making it far too apparent. Michael rubbed his face before he started talking. 

 

“I’m tearing your family apart,” Michael said. 

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Gavin replied, sliding his hands down Michael’s arms, trying to comfort Michael. 

 

“But it’s your _family_ Gavin, I’m dividing it. I can’t do that,” Michael said as he slid out of Gavin’s arms, standing up to face Gavin. “It’s your mom and dad, I can’t just let you loose that. I can’t take that away from you.” 

 

Gavin watched as Michael’s back hit the wall behind him, sliding down it to the floor underneath him. Gavin looked down at him from the edge of the bed. 

 

“Michael, it’s not you. They don’t accept _me,_ but it doesn’t matter. I don’t want people who don’t love me for me. Even if they’re family by blood, doesn’t mean that I want them in my life. My real family are the ones who accept me and take care of me. Don’t pin this on yourself.” 

 

Gavin moved from the bed when Michael didn’t respond, his head down in his lap. 

 

“Michael, please,” Gavin said as he tried to get to Michael, moving his hands away from his face. 

 

“Shhhhh,” Gavin said as he saw Michael’s tears, Gavin wrapping his arms around Michael. 

 

“Gaaaaaav,” Michael said softly into Gavin’s shoulder. 

 

“No, you’re not allowed to go, this isn’t you’re fault. You belong right here. I’m not letting you think this way.” Gavin said, pulling Michael up and back to the bed. 

 

“No, you’re perfect right here, and you’re not ruining anything. My family has it’s own problems, but you and I belong together. I told you I met the one for me.” 

 

Gavin was speaking as he was tucking Michael into the covers, Michael slowly feeling himself relaxing. 

 

“You’re crazy though,” Michael said to Gavin. 

 

“Crazy for you.” Gavin replied as he sunk back into the covers. “Look, you’re always here, fixing my problems and taking care of me and all that stuff, the least I can do is return the favour.”

 

Gavin watched Michael’s brown eyes in the dim light shift back and forth, his perfect little Michael in his arms. 

 

“I’m still sor-“ Michael started to say, cut off by Gavin’s lips pressing on his. 

 

“Stop, it happened, but it’s in the past. We’re home now, you and me and nothing else.” Gavin said as he wrapped Michael up in his arms, kisses trailing down Michael’s neck and jaw. 

 

“All of me and all of you.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorty chapter again. i just havent had the massive feels lately so im soooo incredibly sorry for chapters being so slow coming out. im getting the feels back though, slowly, but still. 
> 
> thanks for all the love and kudos anyways though guys. you really are the best. <3


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